"Life As We Know It" (2004) 5.9

Deborah Tynan: We were so close, and now you won't even look at me. Jackie Bradford: It's gonna rain tomorrow. We should wear hats. Sue Miller: I really have to go to the bathroom. Jackie Bradford: Oh my God, so do I! I'm dying! Sue Miller: [whispering to Jackie] No you stay here and stall my dad, I have to go find Ben! Jackie Bradford: [to Mr. Miller] Oh, actually I don't have to go. That was weird! Ben Conner: [about Sue] I just feel like we're closer than ever! Jonathan Fields: That's so great, man. Ben Conner: Thanks. Dino Whitman: Could you two be any more gay? Jonathan Fields: Well, we could be two guys without girlfriends who have sex with each other. That would be more gay. Dino Whitman: Do you think she's hot? [about Zoe] Michael Whitman: I don't care if it's Cheryl Tiegs! Dino Whitman: Who? Dino Whitman: Have anything to say, Ben? A cheating mom? petrified penis? Jackie Bradford: [after seeing Ben, Mr. Miller, and Sue together at the ski trip] I really had to pee. Jonathan Fields: [in a desperate attempt to cheer up Dino after having discovered his mom's infidelity] This morning I went to the hospital because I thought my penis was going to explode! Dino Whitman: [after noticing that Ben Conner had blown off chicks] Hey, what if Ben's gay? Jonathan Fields: [chuckles] Ben gay. Dino Whitman: [after being kicked out of Jackie's party] I have to talk to Jackie! Ben Conner: Keep on walking! Jonathan Fields: I think I broke my eye. Ben Conner: [frustrated when all the girls are coming on to him when he's already with Miss Young] What am I, in season? Michael Whitman: Wait, since when you do make a move? Annie Whitman: How about 10 minutes ago! Michael Whitman: Oh, yeah. How about the two months of nothing? Annie Whitman: With Dino, he has every call. Max Whitman: [cuts Jonathon off of going to the restroom after Dino] I got to go! Dino Whitman: He's a good little monkey! Jonathan Fields: Hey, what the... [opening credits] Annie Whitman: It is true? Michael Whitman: What? Annie Whitman: Are you having an affair? Michael Whitman: If I was having an affair, I would be late at work, I won't bring my work home! Ben Conner: They say boys think about sex every fifteen seconds. I think about it every five seconds. I mean I'm thinking about it right now. Jonathan Fields: [on his cellphone in the drugstore] Hello? Dino Whitman: What's up, Jonathan? Hey, you want to come meet me at Jackie's game? Jonathan Fields: No, uh, I "got stuff going on." [pause] Jonathan Fields: I'm gonna get laid! Dino Whitman: What? Jonathan Fields: Sex! I'm gonna get me some sex! Dino Whitman: Some slacks? Jonathan Fields: No, sex! *Sex*! Jonathan Fields: It's like, overnight you've become some kind of a sex expert. Deborah Tynan: What? Jonathan Fields: A sexpert! Jonathan Fields: I just can't shake the image of you rubbing his scraggly-ass beard all over your face. Deborah Tynan: It was one time! Jonathan Fields: Oooh, great, one time! Let's have a parade! [sarcastically] Ben Conner: There's a reason I never hook up. I don't know how to talk to girls my age. I mean they think you're weird if you're smart, and I don't know how to act dumb. So I try to think of what they want to talk about and I write it down so I know what to say before I say it but then when I say it, it doesn't sound like that I wanted to say. Ben Conner: You are not going another step, I swear to God I will take you down. Jonathan Fields: And I'll help. [holding his eye] Jonathan Fields: Seriously, I will. Ben Conner: Yeah, I may not get any sex but I am constantly willing to continue this discussion. Sue Miller: O'Keefe, are you O'kidding? Dino Whitman: Where's the milk? Annie Whitman: Put it away. Dino Whitman: Ma!

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Dino Whitman

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: Maybe I do have a problem. Dino Whitman: I have to talk to you. Jackie Bradford: About what? Dino Whitman: It's about Zoe. Jackie Bradford: Oh, my God, Dino. Don't tell me that you got her pregnant. Dino Whitman: Not even close.