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"Murder in Suburbia"
(2004)
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49
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[Ash and Scribbs watch DCI Sullivan walk to his car]
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fc4
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Scribbs:
If he turns out to be gay, I'm going to shoot myself.
[Ash and Scribbs have reported their progress to DCI Sullivan]
Scribbs:
Wasn't he wearing that shirt yesterday?
Ash:
[pulling a coin out of her pocket] Heads, his washing machine's broken. Tails, he's a dirty stop-out.
[tosses the coin]
Scribbs:
Well?
Ash:
You don't want to know.
[Ash and Scribbs have arrived at a school to interview the Headmaster - the bell rings and Scribbs starts running]
Ash:
What are you doing?
Scribbs:
Sorry. Force of habit.
[Ash and Scribbs have just interviewed a school Headmaster about his murdered secretary]
Scribbs:
He convinced me.
Ash:
Bet that's not the first time you made a Headmaster cry.
Scribbs:
D'you think there's some kind of IQ test you have to *fail* to become an estate agent?
Ash:
Yeah. It's the same test all my ex-boyfriends failed.
[talking about a murder suspect whose house they have just left]
Scribbs:
Phew! It's a relief to be out in the fresh air.
Ash:
Scribbs, you're all heart. Well, she's bereaved and she's moving - that's about as stressful as it gets.
Scribbs:
She's odd.
Ash:
True. Shocking carpets.
Scribbs:
Not *technically* a criminal offence.
Ash:
Well, it should be.
[talking about a murder victim]
Ash:
D'you want to know what Pennyless Phil was doing online all Monday afternoon?
Scribbs:
Does it involve women with large breasts?
Ash:
You know, your insight into the male psyche never fails to amaze me. He was on Hot Girlz with a Z for two-and-a-half hours, then on the football results of course, and then back to the Hot Girlz chatroom for 20 minutes.
Scribbs:
Those online relationships really stand the test of time.
[Scribbs has been to a clothing consultant]
Scribbs:
They look at your hair and your skin tone, and decide what colour your clothes should be.
Ash:
So what did they say about you?
Scribbs:
That I was an "autumn" - that I look best wearing subdued tones.
Ash:
Subdued?
Scribbs:
Tones. Apparently bright colours don't suit me. The mistake I made was dressing as a "summer". Which is why I've been attracting the wrong kind of men.
Ash:
So you're saying the right kind of man's attracted to a woman in a mushroom-brown outfit?
Scribbs:
D'you think I look a bit...?
Ash:
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3c
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No, Scribbs, you look fine. You look absolutely fine.
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f67
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Scribbs:
Honest?
Ash:
Well, actually...
Scribbs:
Truth.
Ash:
You look like a fungus!
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