"New Tricks" (2003)

[Gerry is in the opticians. He tries on a pair of half-moon glasses that he thinks make him look like David Dickinson, presenter of the "Bargain Hunt" (2000) antiques programme] Gerry Standing: David Dickinson? Superintendent Sandra Pullman: Yeah - but without the "David" or the "inson" Superintendent Sandra Pullman: She's not my girlfriend, she's my shrink! Gerry Standing: A shrink! Brian Lane: Why does she need to see a shrink? Jack Halford: You're the expert, you tell us! [Gerry has read the memo about the new health checks] Gerry Standing: They're taking the piss! PC Clark: Not yet, but they will. 300 mls minimum. [Pullman has caught PC Clarke acting as Tea Boy] Jack Halford: It was a one-off. Brian Lane: You mean a two-off. Superintendent Sandra Pullman: All right, make it a three-off. [Gerry walks in, and spots the tray Clark is holding] Gerry Standing: Wow! Chocolate biscuits! Make us a cup of tea, son. Gerry Standing: Will you stop creeping up on me! Brian Lane: I don't creep, I glide. [after discovering a map with an X on it] Brian Lane: If you find a map with an X on it, you are intrinsically bound to follow it, go there, and start diggin'.