Diary of a Mad Black Woman (2002)

Helen: Are you hungry? [Charles nods] Helen: Well why don't you go into the kitchen and get yourself something to eat? [laughs] Helen: I sure know I wouldn't be hungry in my house. Helen: [after Charles refuses to sleep with her] Fine, it only would've lasted five minutes anyway. Charles: No, it only lasts five minutes with YOU. Helen: [Madea comes barging in with a gas can and an ax] Madea! What are you doing with that ax and that can of gasoline? Mable "Madea" Simmons: She [Brenda] Mable "Madea" Simmons: already looks like a Christmas tree so I'm gonna cut her down and light her. Helen: [after leaving Charles in the shower for 3 days] I think he has hypothermia but I don't really care. Mable "Madea" Simmons: I may be paralyzed but I'm drinking milk. [drops her breasts on Charles' head] Mable "Madea" Simmons: Step into the light, Carol Anne. Step into the light, Carol Anne! Brenda: Can we please talk alone? Mable "Madea" Simmons: You bout to be talking to the ambulance on your way to the hospital! Mable "Madea" Simmons: I missed you last time cause it was dark and you so dark. [pulls out pistol] Mable "Madea" Simmons: But I promise you I ain't go'n' miss you out here in this good sunlight.