advertisement [Grandpa believes he has died] Grandpa: Well, that's it. I must be in heaven. Oh, no! Oskar's here! This must be the other place! Harold Berman: Wow, you really are crazy. Wanna join our club? Helga: I am too a girl. I'm pretty. I'm feminine. I'm delicate. [Helga bumps into someone] Man: Oh, excuse me young man. Helga: I'm a girl! Nick Vermicelli: This time I'll be a 50% partner. 'Big' Bob Pataki: 20. Nick Vermicelli: 40. 'Big' Bob Pataki: 20. Nick Vermicelli: 30. 'Big' Bob Pataki: 20. Nick Vermicelli: Deal. Miriam Pataki: I have to go work. Somewhere. [Harold gets hit with a baseball] Harold Berman: Easy squeezy lemon peasy. Grandpa: Sounds like young Arnold's got another one of his complex labyrinthine conundrums of a boyhood problem. [Arnold steps up to bat] Arnold: Wind's in the east. I should probably shoot for the gap between second and third. Gerald: Just try not to get hit, okay? Arnold: Yeah, good strategy. Helga: Come on, come on. Harold: Alright already. Keep your shirt on, Helga, for all our sakes. Arnold: Hey Grandpa, I've got a problem. Grandpa: Shoot it at me, short man. Arnold: Well, see, there's this big jerk at school, he says he's gonna... Grandpa: - says he's gonna beat you up, eh? Arnold: Well, yeah. Grandpa: Gonna give you 24 hours to dangle, eh? Arnold: That's right! Grandpa: Big guy, huh? Slow, but with lots of power. Squash you like a bug, eh? Arnold: Yeah, yeah! What should I do? Grandpa: I have no idea. Arnold: I've got to think of something, Grandpa. Grandpa: Well, you could skip town. But then you'd have to live the rest of your life in fear, always looking over your shoulder, waiting for... that day. You try reasoning with him? Oh, a moron, eh? Well Arnold, I wish I knew what to tell you. In eighty years I think I've only learned one thing for sure. Arnold: What's that? Grandpa: Never eat raspberries. [Grandpa holds his stomach] Grandpa: Gotta go! [Grandpa runs to the bathroom] DJ Nocturnal Ned: It's 7:00 on KILL. This one goes out to Arnold, who's going to die in 2 hours, 6 minutes, and 47 seconds, from Helga who hates you. [the kids are thinking of ideas for something to do] Curly: I say we paint ourselves with tiger stripes, and go free all the animals in the zoo! Helga: [sarcastically] Fine, Curly. We'll meet you there in an hour. Curly: [runs away cackling] Helga: Poor twisted little freak. Gerald: Wanna go throw rocks at Helga throwing rocks at a dumpster? Arnold: Sure. Arnold: It's not insurmountable. Gerald: Insurmountable? Man, you read too much. Mr. Hyunh: How big was this punk? Arnold: Big. Mr. Hyunh: Big punk? Grandpa: Oh, simmer down, you hot-headed loony! Arnold: Brainy? What are you doing here? Brainy: Um. [wheeze] Brainy: Something. Grandpa: Everything in nature is beautiful. Unless it's ugly. Arnold: What's scat? Grandpa: You know, scat. Droppings. Like what you're standing in. Big Bob Pataki: Remember, we'll beat any advertised price. Unless it's lower. [after Grandpa Phil gave him advice] Arnold: Thanks, Grandpa. Grandpa Phil: Sure, Arnold, anytime... Except next Wednesday at 3:30. I'm having a wart removed then. Helga: Move it, football head! [as they are about go into the Tunnel of Love] Harold: I don't want to go into the Tunnel of Love with you Rhonda! Rhonda: Oh I know you like me Harold! [as she grabs him in the ride and as they head off into the Tunnel of Love] Harold: NO I DON'T! HELP! HELP! [as Harold and Rhonda are assigned to partner up taking care of an "egg baby"] Harold: Oh, come on, Rhonda, I know you like me! Rhonda: [nervously] What makes you think that? Harold: Remember that time at the Cheese Festival... Rhonda: [claps a hand over Harold's mouth] I thought I told you never to mention that night again. [as Arnold & Eugene Horowitz are going in a Roller Coaster] Sid: He's a goner... Gerald: He's a brave boy... Harold: He's a saint he gave me his tokens... [Censored Line as he is about to be denied entry of the Tunnel of Love] Sid: What, because I'm short means I can't get no action! [about riding the subway] Gerald: Sun goes down, stay above ground. Grandpa: [Grandpa is reading out of Arnold's father's journal, an entry describing a volcanic eruption] "It was terrifying and beautiful all at the same time" [to Grandma] Grandpa: kind of like you, Pookie. Helga: There is no way I'm taking the subway. [next frame] Helga: I can't believe I'm taking the subway. Helga: [after weasling out of paying a dinner bill] There is no way I'm gonna go back in there, tell them the truth, and wind up washing dishes. [next frame] Helga: I can't believe I told them the truth, and I wound up washing dishes. Gerald: [about the last boat available for a fishing contest] There is no way we're fishing in a swan boat. [next frame] Gerald: I can't believe we're fishing in a swan boat. Arnold: There is no way we're calling our go-cart the Mauve Avenger. [next frame] Arnold: I can't believe we called our go-cart the Mauve Avenger. Oskar Kokosha: [about to bet Arnold's CD player during a poker game] Don't worry, Arnold, there's no way I can lose. [next frame] Oskar Kokosha: I can't believe I lost. Phoebe: Well, I suppose the only solution would be to tell the manager the truth. [pause] Helga: That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard in my entire life! Sid: [to Curly, dressed as a dead bride] I can't believe you'd pull such a dirty trick! Eugene Horowitz: I can't believe how nice you look in that dress! Oskar Kokosha: You keep the money. Mr Hyunh: This lint is your lint. [in high pitch voice] Mr Hyunh: I'm not your Mother! [on a camping trip, Grandpa is showing Arnold and Gerald survival skills. Gerald is eating red berries. Arnold is eating green berries] Grandpa: Now, only do this under adult supervision. Red and sweet are good to eat, but I swear by this sonnet, green will make you vomit. Arnold: [swallows] I thought it was green and sweet are good to eat. Grandpa: No, I've been saying it all morning. Red and sweet. Red and sweet. Arnold: Excuse me a minute. [Arnold runs off screen and vomits] Grandpa: [sarcastically] You're vomiting, aren't you, Arnold? [Helga is doing stand-up in the school juice bar] Helga: My first impression is someone we all know. It's the first voice you hear in the morning, and it goes something like this: [imitating Principal Wartz] Helga: "Attention, students of P.S. 118, I have an important announcement. Henceforth, all lunch-related activities shall be conducted during the lunchtime period." [normal voice] Helga: Whoo, thanks for clearing *that* up, Principal Wartz.