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剧 情
阿莱克斯(阿伦·考沃特)曾是个有稳定工作、且生活甜蜜的家伙。然而，这一切都被突如其来的变故所打破。如今，已经丢掉优越的会计工作的他只能委身于一家名叫“Brainasium”的游戏公司，做一名职业的电视游戏测试人员。但已经35岁的阿莱克斯显然在这一现代行业里算是明显的“高龄人士”，...
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Linda Cardellini
演员
饰Samantha
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Joel Moore
演员
饰J.P. (as Joel...
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Kevin Nealon
演员
饰Mr. Cheezle
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Doris Roberts
演员
饰Grandma Lilly
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Grandma Lilly:
I hate violence, but drugs ARE bad.
Dante:
[while stoned] Drive, monkey, drive!
Dante:
Wow... where do you get your weed?
Mr. Cheezle:
From you, Dante.
Dante:
Oh... THAT'S RIGHT! What's up, Mr. Cheezle!
Alex:
My Grandma drank all my pot.
J.P.:
[in robot voice] sit on my face
[robot noises]
Jeff:
I can't believe you came on my mom!
Dante:
Dr. Shakalu brought my some crazy Zimbabwe weed that turns you into a deer.
Alex:
You do know that lions eat deer?
Dante:
Woah, Your right. Dr. Shakalu we need to be careful with that shit
J.P.:
Adios, turd nuggets.
J.P.:
[Upon leaning against a black wall in a black jacket]
[Stunned]
J.P.:
How could he see me?
J.P.:
[Robot Voice to Alex walking away] I hate your face.
Alex:
[pauses, turns around] Did you say something?
J.P.:
[Hides behind coat]
Alex:
You're fuckin' weird.
J.P.:
...How did he see me?
Josh:
EAT IT WHORE
Josh:
[first line in the movie] FUCK! Stop hitting me.
Jeff:
Do you have bathrooms here or do I have to shit in a plant?
J.P.:
How do you two know each other?
Samantha:
I woke him up here this morning. He feel asleep working late last night.
J.P.:
Yeah. Well, that's what old people do. They fall asleep.
Alex:
Wow J.P, that is a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in The Matrix?
J.P.:
[guffaws] So funny I forgot to laugh.
Alex:
Hey, Timmy, any chance I can crash on your couch tonight?
Timmy:
Why? So you can jerk off on my mom?
Alex:
Jeff's a fucking liar, Timmy!
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Alex
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:
Wow. That Grace sure makes me feel warm and welcome.
Grandma Lilly:
Well, you'd be bitter too if you had four husbands die on you.
Alex:
Probably suicides.
Samantha:
Alex, I need you to deal with 10 through 15 because those are the real problem levels and...
Alex:
[farts]
Samantha:
Is he sleeping?
Jeff:
Yes, and possibly shitting his pants.
[pats Alex]
Jeff:
Wake up, dude.
Alex:
[wakes up] No chores, Grandma!
Samantha:
Nice rip, Alex.
Alex:
Rip what?
Alex:
So, ladies, I kind of need to use the televis...
Grace:
Shh! Go read your Playgirl or something!
Jeff:
Dude, jerking off on my mom is one thing. But banging your grandmother and her roommates? That's like... legendary.
Alex:
You're an idiot.
J.P.:
Back to work, testers!
Grace:
Oh, you can stay as long as you like and love any man you choose!
Alex:
Don't slit your wrists, Kane. I'm here.
J.P.:
All I've ever cared about was video games and they made me a millionaire. So maybe I don't know what the Civil War was, or who invented the helicopter even though I own one, but I did beat The Legend of Zelda before I could walk. I'm thinking about getting metal legs. It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it.
Jeff:
[imitating J.P] My name is J.P. I am a robot. I have a robot vagina.
J.P.:
[In robot voice] I am a geeenius!
Dante:
[Phone rings] What is that ringing?
[Phone rings again]
Dante:
Do I have a tumor?
Grace:
I once gave Charlie Chaplin a handjob
Jeff:
Wow, was he silent?
Grace:
Not after I got thru with him
Dante:
I'll smoke it with ya bro, we'll go to the loony bin together. I don't give a fuck.
Alex:
[hangs up the phone] Dude... you have to give me a ride.
Dante:
[after smoking] I'm way too baked to drive to the devil's house.
Jeff:
Grace... I have something to confess.
Grace:
What's that?
Jeff:
[pauses] You were my first.
Grace:
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2f
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Really? Oh, that's sweet. You were my...
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[thinks hard]
Grace:
3,000-something.
Jeff:
[Raises hand to give a high five] Word up.
Josh:
She's a massage therapist!
Mover #2:
Yeah, she'll massage your cock for money.
Mover #1:
There's a word for that, I think it's hooker.
Josh:
YOU'RE A HOOKER!
Dante:
[Answering the phone stoned] Hello?
Jeff:
Dante is Alex there?
Dante:
Who is this? Is this the devil?
Alex:
Dude, your bed is a car...
Jeff:
Yeah, but it's a fucking sweet car.
Dante:
Looking back, the lion was a bad idea. That's why Dr. Shockla is gonna hook us up with a monkey. I'm gonna teach it taekwondo.
Barry:
Yeah, karate monkey, yeah, that's probably safer.
Jeff:
Your shit's weak!
Jeff:
This chick's pussy smelled like the great depression.
Alex:
Ever hear of a dog?
Dante:
Anybody can get past a dog. But NOBODY fucks with a lion.
Alex:
Anyway, I was wondering if maybe I could crash here for a while.
Dante:
Whoa, I don't know, man. I got a business to run. This is like my office as well as my home. Plus, the lion comes in a couple days.
Alex:
You're getting a lion?
Dante:
Yeah.
Alex:
Why?
Dante:
To protect my shit.
Alex:
Never heard of a dog?
Dante:
Dude, you can get past a dog. Nobody fucks with a lion.
Alex:
Yeah, that's true.
Dante:
That is pure fucking insanity.
Alex:
Yeah, I know. He got addicted to hookers.
Dante:
No, I'm talking about the guy who threw your bong. You should never throw a bong, kid. Ever.
Shiloh:
You guys think you're so fucking cool, it makes me sick! "Let's go make fun of the vegans and their crazy lifestyle!" We're not hurting anyone! Go eat a hamburger and choke on a cow dick!
Jeff:
Fruit cup, nice. Way to go mom.
Jeff:
Dude, jerking off on my mom is one thing. But sleeping with your Grandma and her two roommates... that's LEGENDARY.
Alex:
I don't know what you are but I'm going to fuckin' eat you too!
Alex:
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Oh, yes! Finally a roommate who goes shopping. Chicken cutlet, spaghetti with garlic bread, oh, my God, the wings to go with the breast, I don't know what you are but I'm gonna fucking eat you too.
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fd8
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[looking around]
Alex:
Of course she doesn't have a microwave she's fucking a hundred.
Jeff:
What's up Douche Bigalow?
Alex:
Hey Speed Racer. Did you valet your bed?
Jeff:
No, I self parked it in your ass.
J.P.:
Are you afraid of it?
Kane:
No I just don't like techno.
J.P.:
You would if you had robot ears.
Alex:
Dude, why don't you pick up your phone? I've been calling for the past half hour!
Dante:
Sorry bro, I was putting up my Christmas tree!
Alex:
Dude? It's the middle of July.
Dante:
Get the fuck outta here! It is?
Jeff:
I have a bush too, but its not grey
Dante:
Whoa, chill bro... You know you can't raise your voice like that when the lion's here.
Alex:
Marathon? Fuck me!
Mr. Cheezle:
Very Miyamoto.
Barry:
Hey Dante- My girlfriend and I caught you on the news the other night...
Dante:
No shit? And by "Girlfriend" do you mean that piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick everynight?
Barry:
[Laughing hysterically] ... yes...
[Starts to cry]
Bea:
Spaceshuttle!
Alex:
Who wants a piece of the grey bush?
Milk Maid:
Baby want some milk?
Barry:
Baby loves milk.
Jeff:
So Barry sucked on his first boobie last night.
[people clap]
Barry:
[Gleaming with pride] For 13 hours.
Bobby, Co-Worker #1:
Challenge.
Jeff:
Not now Bobby, Alex's not taking challenges right now. Can't you see he's sleeping?
Bobby, Co-Worker #1:
No, I challenge you Jeff.
Jeff:
To what came?
Bobby, Co-Worker #1:
A little Dance Dance Revolution.
Jeff:
That's great Bobby, but we don't have Dance Dance Revolution so... you're dumb.
Jeff:
[looks down] I should have worn a condom.
Yuri:
Alex, I make you special deal. I give you five minutes to pack up all your shit you don't want thrown out. If you take one extra minute, my two friends, they will take your testicles, and remove them... through your anus.
DDR Machine:
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[Jeff has just won a DDR Challenge]
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A NEW HIGH SCORE!
Jeff:
[to Bobby, the defeated co-worker] What does "high score" mean? New high score, is that bad? What does that mean? Did I break it?
Alex:
Don't Judge Me Monkey
Yuri:
Alex, you forgot smoking lamp.
Jeff:
Crap that's Alex's intercom.
[answers Alex's intercom and impersonates him]
Jeff:
Yello?
Receptionist:
Delivery at the front desk for you, Alex.
Jeff:
Cool! I hope it's a naked dude with a boner!
Receptionist:
What?
Jeff:
Nothing.
Jeff:
Nice comment Guyblow.
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