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P.J. Franklin:
[at a bridal shower] We have to go. They're applauding a pan.
Stephanie:
[excitedly] With a copper core!
Bobby Newman:
You're putting me at the bottom of the order over a pen?
P.J. Franklin:
No, I'm putting you at the bottom of the order because you might suck.
Kenny Morittori:
Wine tasting is really just a classy way for people to get day-drunk.
Kenny Morittori:
[discussing Brendan's changed attitude] Ever since he got that "Chicago's Sexiest Bachelor" thing, he's been shortening his words. "Waffs" and "Vods."
Bobby Newman:
Yeah. It's... annoy.
P.J. Franklin:
Lyssa is a completely different person now. All she wanted to do today is spa and club.
Andy Franklin:
I like your verbs that are things. I think I'm gonna sandwich after I sofa for a bit.
Stephanie:
[about P.J.'s date] My God, I just want to break him in two and suck out the middle!
P.J. Franklin:
C'mon, Stephanie, put it back in your pants.
Stephanie:
[about P.J. dating Bobby's brother] Listen, you have to run it by Bobby. Brothers tend not to like this kind of thing. Unless they do... and that's weird.
Stephanie:
The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.
Mike Callahan:
[visiting the Art Institute] Of all the places I want to visit, the Art Institute ranks somewhere between ballet and arena football.
P.J. Franklin:
Hot women hang out at the Art Institute...
Mike Callahan:
And the Art Institute is moving up!
Andy Franklin:
[pulls up as a tour guide in a double-decker bus] Ladies and gentlemen, you've been such a wonderful crowd. I'd like to do a little tune for you now. It's one of my personal favorites. And I'd like to dedicate it to a man who thinks he hasn't seen anything good today. Brendan Dorff, this one's for you...
Brendan Dorff:
Wait, wait! I saw lots of good things today! Mike got into art, Kenny broke out of his slump, 3 guys want to take P.J. to Italy...
Andy Franklin:
Shut up, I'm singing, anyway.
[singing]
Andy Franklin:
Danke schoen, darling, danke schoen...
P.J. Franklin:
[Andy is moving to the suburbs] We'll never see you again!
Andy Franklin:
Then remember me how I am now... young and perky.
P.J. Franklin:
What kind of relationship do you have if you can't come clean with the person you're with?
Stephanie:
A relationship that will last.
P.J. Franklin:
[admitting she slept with Bobby] We both agreed it was a stupid mistake. It just happened. I mean, I don't know why.
Stephanie:
Good God, I have to tell you why you do everything.
P.J. Franklin:
*Finally* you understand me!
P.J. Franklin:
[one of the Cubs is attracted to P.J] I cannot date him. He is a Cub! That is breaking, like, a ton of unwritten journalism rules.
Mike Callahan:
Unwritten rules were meant to be... written.
Kenny Morittori:
...then broken.
Mike Callahan:
Written, then broken. Thanks, Kenny. I got a little lost there.
Mike Callahan:
[P.J. is mad because the guys think she got promoted based on her looks] P.J., you're hot and you know sports. It's a novelty.
Brendan Dorff:
Hot chicks make everything better. Hot chicks and football - -cheerleaders.
Mike Callahan:
Hot chicks and politics - Sarah Palin.
Kenny Morittori:
You still think she's hot?
Mike Callahan:
Dude, it's the glasses. I have a thing for smart chicks.
Kenny Morittori:
You still think she's smart?
Brendan Dorff:
[having followed an attractive but crazy woman to Tulsa] That woman is in-SANE! We partied in a quarry. We had sex in a nursing home. I got pushed in a river, we broke into a zoo! I had to take a bus home because somehow she got me on the no-fly list!
Bobby Newman:
Tulsa has a river?
Mike Callahan:
[Kenny is constantly updating his Facebook status] Kenny, I didn't need a status update before you went to the bathroom, and I certainly don't need one telling me how it went.
Kenny Morittori:
My life is an open book.
Brendan Dorff:
Close it.
Andy Franklin:
[having to leave the poker game early] I have to go. Meredith wants me to help her shellac a jigsaw puzzle. Unfortunately, that's not a euphemism.
Kenny Morittori:
[about Bobby's ex-girlfriend] She'd be a fool not to want you. You're looking good these days. And I'm saying that as a man AND a friend.
Andy Franklin:
And a weirdo.
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