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Kip Kessler:
What is improv? Improv, or improvisation, is the act or art of composing and rendering theater, music, poetry, and the like, extemporaneously.
Dave McCue:
It's making it up as you go. And being funny.
Dave McCue:
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The first set of twins were hard, but I wasn't working so I stayed home to take care of them. When the second set came along, I had a routine already. And now, it's like I don't even realize there's three sets of twins running around.
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Kip Kessler:
Hey, there.
Abby Jamison:
Hi, I'm Abby Jamison.
Kip Kessler:
Yeah, I know you. You're in "The Knuckleheadz". You're very funny.
Abby Jamison:
Yeah. I mean thanks. But no. I mean, I'm not in... that group anymore.
Kip Kessler:
You quit?
Abby Jamison:
No, I was dumped. I mean... My ex... my ex-manager, James. He fired me.
Kip Kessler:
Oh, I'm sorry. But you're auditioning tonight?
Abby Jamison:
Yeah.
Kip Kessler:
Hey, that's great. We'd love to have you. You're hysterical.
Abby Jamison:
Yeah. I mean, thanks. I'll go in now.
Dave McCue:
There are women that aren't funny, and there are men that aren't funny, and there are animals that aren't funny. That's just the way things are.
Kip Kessler:
Exactly. So it's good to have a woman in your group.
Dave McCue:
But while men dressed as women is funny; women dressed as men is just not funny.
Kip Kessler:
This is true.
Abby Jamison:
What the fuck are you doing here, asshole?
James:
Hey, it's an open audition.
Abby Jamison:
You're not auditioning. You're here to make me insane.
James:
What are you auditioning for, the part of psycho-bitch? Cause you had me at "hello."
James:
[Abby walks off the stage, chasing James into the lobby.] It's a shame the suggestion wasn't "tit flash at Creed concert", 'cause you would'a nailed that one.
Kip Kessler:
We can't wait any more.
Dave McCue:
I can't believe she's not here.
Kip Kessler:
Well, maybe she's too busy "pole dancing" to bother to show up.
Roger Tibbado:
I thought she was a consultant.
Roger Tibbado:
Ach, look at the size of your cock there, mother. It's huge!
Dave McCue:
Kip is like my brother. Well, he's nothing like my actual brother, Andy. He was a paralegal, and got arrested for extortion, and indecent exposure. He got shivved while he was in prison. Um, he's all right now. But, you know, improv is not his thing. For Kip, it's all about the improv. He takes it very seriously.
Dave McCue:
Nothing's changed. Look, Abby isn't trying to take over. She just made a suggestion that made sense to me. I'm just "Yes Anding".
Kip Kessler:
Yeah, look, don't use improv against me.
Dave McCue:
So what... what's off limits?
Kip Kessler:
Well, you know, strong language.
Dave McCue:
What about innuendo?
Kip Kessler:
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I guess... If it's subtle. I'm mostly concerned about using off-color words.
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Dave McCue:
What about "balls"?
Kip Kessler:
Well, it depends on the context.
Dave McCue:
"There's a turd on my balls."
Kip Kessler:
No.
Dave McCue:
But "turd" is okay?
Kip Kessler:
No.
Dave McCue:
How about "doody"?
Kip Kessler:
I guess - yeah, "doody" is all right.
Dave McCue:
"There's doody on my balls."
Kip Kessler:
Okay, no.
Dave McCue:
"There's doody on my package."
Kip Kessler:
No! What is this, an obsession?
Dave McCue:
Hello, FedEx? I want to complain... There's doody on my package.
Kip Kessler:
We have formed a Christian Improv group called "The Immaculate Suggestion", and we perform every Sunday night at her church.
Celia Kessler:
Kip Jr., get your finger out of your sister!
Jewel:
I'm really excited to be improvisationing. I've never done a show like this before.
Kip Kessler:
Oh, you'll be fine.
Jewel:
But there's no script, right? What if I can't think of what to say or what to do?
Dave McCue:
Just take off your shirt.
Roger Tibbado:
It must have been six months before I realized Loose Stool had broken up. I did two shows by myself. It was weird.
Allyson Surname:
Monkey Poo and Poo Flinging Monkeys are two different groups. We don't want them going on one right after the other.
Allyson Surname:
We were in a bind. Carrot Top had to back out due to other obligations, and the blood work.
Roger Tibbado:
They're making us into a monkey shit sandwich.
Roger Tibbado:
[Seth walks into Roger] Sorry about that, little guy.
Seth:
Ya big jerk.
Roger Tibbado:
Bitch!
Dave McCue:
Hey, the Little Mermaid is wearing a bra through that whole god-damn movie...
Dave McCue:
Kip, I'm not attracted to Abby.
Kip Kessler:
You're not?
Dave McCue:
No.
Kip Kessler:
Why not?
Dave McCue:
Hey look, I'm not saying I wouldn't do her.
Mary Jane:
There! A tree! See how it stands there, motionless and silent? For we all know that trees do not speak. They are inanimate.
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