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- 片 名拯救希佛曼
- 上映时间2002年03月01日
- 导 演
丹尼斯·杜根
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剧 情
有一天一个叫达伦·希佛曼（杰森·比格斯饰）的男孩在一个不期的场合邂逅了一个叫茱迪丝（阿曼达·皮特）的漂亮女孩，她看起来正是达伦梦寐以求的那种女孩，于是达伦不可救药地爱上了她，并且信誓旦旦地说要娶她为妻，终身厮守。这件事可急坏了J.D.（杰克·布莱克饰）、厄尼（斯蒂夫·赞恩饰）。他...
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Steve Zahn
演员
饰Wayne Lefessi...
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Jack Black
演员
饰J.D. McNugent
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Jason Biggs
演员
饰Darren Silver...
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Amanda Peet
演员
饰Judith Fessbe...
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Amanda Detmer
演员
饰Sandy Perkus
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R. Lee Ermey
演员
饰Coach Norton
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Judith:
Don't make me take away your masturbation privileges!
Wayne:
So Darren tells me you're a psychologist.
Judith:
That's right.
Wayne:
I'm in a related field.
Judith:
Really? What is it?
Wayne:
Pest and rodent removal.
Judith:
How is that related?
Wayne:
We both help people.
Wayne:
Dude!
J.D.:
Dude!
Wayne:
Why didn't you answer the door?
J.D.:
I'm eatin'.
Wayne:
So?
J.D.:
I don't answer the door when I'm eatin'.
Wayne:
Since when?
J.D.:
Since always.
Wayne:
I never knew that.
J.D.:
Well you didn't know a lot of things. You didn't know I was gay.
Wayne:
Is there anything else you wanna tell me?
J.D.:
I got three balls.
Wayne:
Shut up! God!
J.D.:
Dude. Dude. Dude!
Judith:
Have you ever had a girlfriend?
J.D.:
Yes... No!
Judith:
Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a man?
J.D.:
Which man?
Judith:
Any man!
J.D.:
You mean like a tall man?
Judith:
Sure, whatever!
J.D.:
'Cause I don't like tall people, they bother me!
Judith:
What about a short man?
J.D.:
How short? Some times people can be too short, that's weird like midgets!
Judith:
Have you ever fantasized about having sex with any man, any man at all?
J.D.:
Does that include celebrities?
Coach Norton:
By the way, did you boys take care of that bitch that was gonna marry Silverman?
Wayne:
Uhh yeah, yeah we snuffed that broad just like ya said
Coach Norton:
Good, how'd ya do it?
Wayne:
We um...
J.D.:
Ate her...
Coach Norton:
You ate her?
Wayne:
Yea, we ate her
J.D.:
Alive
Coach Norton:
My hat goes off to you, you boys are smart, that's the perfect crime.
J.D.:
Comingtoyaaaahaaaa
Wayne:
Our enemy is wicked, so...
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J.D.
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Dude, she's Freddy Krueger.
Wayne:
Damien.
J.D.:
Dude, she's Vader.
Wayne:
No! She's the Emperor.
J.D.:
Yeah, but with really great tits.
Wayne:
Ok, now Sandy, that girl, she's a real nice girl.
J.D.:
Ah, yeah.
Wayne:
She's a sweetheart.
J.D.:
Dude, a saint.
Wayne:
A goddess.
J.D.:
A princess.
Wayne:
No what? She's kinda like Mother Teresa.
J.D.:
Yeah, but with way better tits.
J.D.:
Die, replacement-friends!
Wayne:
Eat this, Fake Wayne!
Darren:
I love you too, Judith.
Sandy:
Judith?
J.D.:
Do you want anything to drink?
Judith:
Scotch on the rocks
J.D.:
Do you want ice with that?
Coach Norton:
When are you going to get hitched there, son?
J.D.:
Actually I'm not, I'm GAY.
Coach Norton:
Oh... me too!
J.D.:
Dude, what does a mime look like when he's having sex anyway? Probably like,
[making obscene gestures with his hands]
J.D.:
'I'm a mime! I'm a mime!' Ha ha ha!
Wayne:
Dude, mime's don't talk.
J.D.:
They do when they're off duty.
Judith:
It took balls. Big balls.
Darren:
I don't think I'm gonna be real comfortable with these things on my nipples.
Wayne:
I can put 'em on your balls.
Darren:
The nipples are fine. Nipples work.
[after Sandy has left with Wayne and J.D]
Mother Superior:
Damn! Lost another one!
Nun:
Son of a bitch.
J.D.:
Hey Sandy! It's me, JD, I went to high school with you, remember?
Sandy:
Um, no I don't think I recall...
J.D.:
Yeah, c'mon. Remember? I went to prom with a tux painted on my naked body?
Sandy:
Um...
J.D.:
Yeah! And then I spilled punch on myself and everyone could see my dong?
Sandy:
No, JD, I really...
J.D.:
Oh yeah! We had chemistry together and I tried to light a fart with the Bunsen burner and I ended up singeing my balls... still can't grow hair on my left nut. Sucks.
Wayne:
You're not gay... you're just confused.
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Yes, I am gay. Oh HEY! Do you wanna be gay with me?
Wayne:
NO!
J.D.:
Maybe she's a herm.
Darren:
A what?
J.D.:
Ya know, a herm. A little puss, little dick.
Wayne:
Carpe poon, man.
J.D.:
Isn't one-and-only supposed to be, like, one? And only?
[approaching America Avenue]
Neil Diamond:
Hey, we're coming to America.
[Judith has torched Darren's Neil Diamond albums]
J.D.:
She torched Neil? You're right. She is a monster.
Wayne:
So, Coach, how's your parole coming?
Coach Norton:
Not good. The victim's whiny family keeps complaining
J.D.:
God! What is their PROBLEM?
Wayne:
Admit it! I'm the assertive man you need, and you're the hardcore bitch I've always dreamed of!
[Wayne and J.D. are discussing what's happened to Darren]
Wayne:
She didn't like the way his ass looked, so she made him get butt cheek implants.
J.D.:
I thought his ass looked tighter!
Darren:
I don't have much time, guys. I have to go home and wax Judith's legs.
Judith:
[to Wayne] There is no right girl for you! And if you've already met her, she's probably either killed herself, or become a lesbian.
Coach Norton:
Remember, boys! STAY AWAY from women! All they want from you is your man-juice! If you ever get the kind of urges that cannot be supressed by hard liquor, the use this!
[showing them his right hand]
Judith:
Loser.
Wayne:
Skank.
Judith:
Eunuch.
Wayne:
Stealer of... my... best friend!
Wayne:
Judith escaped.
J.D.:
...Dehrrrrrrrr.
J.D.:
You've been pinching loaves on the lawn? I play croquet out there!
J.D.:
What happened?
Judith:
[Karate yell] Wah!
J.D.:
[bringing a box of videos to Judith] There's porn and monster trucks. And one that's both.
Judith:
I don't want your shitty old house or your dead grandmother.
Wayne:
I'll throw J.D. in. He doesn't look like much but girls call him the human power drill.
J.D.:
It's true!
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Neil! I wanna party with you! I WANNA PARTY WITH YOU!
Wayne:
[when Darren is mourning] You promised Sandy you'd be there. You gave her your word.
Darren:
I didn't even talk to her.
Wayne:
O.K. I gave her your word.
Darren:
Come on Wayne. When are you gonna forget about the idea that i'll go out with Sandy?
Wayne:
When you go out with Sandy.
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