Irish Catholic couple Sean and Claudia Finnerty live in Staten Island, New York, with their three children, Lily, Jimmy, and Henry. They get...更多>
Lily: From now on I am going to associate sex with having fried food hurled at me! Henry Finnerty: Wow, that ride must be really scary. Those two guys are holding hands! James "Jimmy" Finnerty: That's the line for cotton candy. Sean: I see and like, he said, "Oh my God, did you say glis?" And they're all like, "We all heard you say 'glis'" and, uh, I'm like, what the hell happened with my credit card? Walt: Let's go have a talk with your old man. Brad: He's gonna kick my ass! Walt: That salad shooter? He doesn't have the stones. Brad: I don't know what that means. Walt: I'll explain it on the way. Sean: [Finding a box belonging to Eddie] Is it illegal? Eddie: Not everywhere. Sean: Will it explode and kill us all? Eddie: I can personally guarantee that it will not. [Sean shakes it] Eddie: That's not smart. Sean: Fine, put me on hold. I love listening to the "Music to Kill Yourself By" collection. Walt: Three juice boxes for six kids? It's gonna be like Lord of the Flies out there. Sean: Why are you answering questions with questions? Eddie: Why does that concern you? Claudia: I'm sure it was an emergency. It was an emergency, wasn't it? Lily: It sort of, kinda was. Walt: Well you are sort of, kinda dead. Sean: [Finding a box belonging to Eddie] What's this? Eddie: It's cool. Sean: "It's cool" doesn't answer my question. "It's cool" doesn't tell me what's in the box. Eddie: Yes it does. It tells you it's cool. Sean:
Hello, Rochelle? No, I do not want to give you my account number and I shall tell you why: because I have already keyed it in three times and given it to several different people including a Beth, a José, and someone who was really rude to me named Kevin. And I think I speak for all Americans when I say that we are SICK of having to call something in and key in the number and then being asked what the number was we keyed in before! All right? So why don't you get a piece of paper - have you heard of that? And a pen AND WRITE THE DAMN NUMBERS DOWN!
Sean: Claude, I've got to hand it to you. You were right. Claudia: Shut up. Sean: [Sarcastically] No, no, no, I'm just glad she had that credit card for when she needed it. Claudia: [Angrily] Shut up! Sean: [Sarcastically] Oh I'm just so happy my little baby is okay. That's all that matters! Claudia: It's now time for you to SHUT UP! Eddie: Maybe I'll stop by tomorrow. Maybe not. Claudia: Tomorrow I'm changing the locks. Sean: Again? Eddie: What name do you want on the card? Sean: I want my name. Eddie: No, it says your name is not available. Claudia: You know how you're getting your license next year? You're not. Lily: But everyone else will and I'll look like a loser. Sean: Oh no, don't worry, you're gonna look cool because everyday I'm going to drive you to school in the Futon-mobile! Lily: I'm going over to Dean's. Claudia: Okay, cool. Before you go, you're going to scrub all the puke out of the back of your grandfather's car. Lily: But then I'll smell like puke. Claudia: You know what? I don't give a glis. Perry: I don't wanna go! Walt: Oh, you're going. Eddie: [at a Christmas tree lot] No you don't. No... You... Don't. Sorry, folks, it's too late. We're closed. Man: Can't we just buy that last tree? Eddie: On Christmas eve? Sorry, folks, you can't wait until now to get a tree, all right? This one has been promised to the Lieutenant Governor. That's right, and you better get out of here, because if he sees you eyeballing his tree... I'm just saying... Warren: What's going on? Eddie: It's okay, Steve, I got this one. Warren: My name is Warren. Who the hell are you? Eddie: Warren, it's 5:00. You're closed. Take the sign down. Warren: I close at 6:00. Eddie: [after pause] I wanna talk to Steve. Claudia: You were ambushed by elves? Sean: Yeah, yeah. Santa's elves. The fat bastard sicked them on me. Claudia: But your dad is Santa. Sean: Yeah, and he's a fat bastard. Eddie: Fortune favors the bold, my friend. [sees the Christmas tree in the hospital] Eddie: Bingo. James "Jimmy" Finnerty: That's a hospital.