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Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
(2002)
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[Jesus walks out of the lake with a small bottle of lemonade]
Jesus Christ:
Lemonade?
Father Eustace:
Will there be enough?
Jesus Christ:
Oh, there'll be plenty.
Jesus Christ:
[singing a song at the Dominion] I was born in a manger / doomed to live in danger.
Santo Enmascarado de Plata:
He'll have you wrestling midgets in border towns for ten percent of the net.
Mother Marry:
[on her appreciation of lesbians] Oh, God loves them. They get so much done in a day, don't you think?
Jesus Christ:
If I'm not back in five minutes, call the Pope.
Dr. Pretorious:
We're running short on skin. We'll need to harvest more lesbians.
Jesus Christ:
[to the jive talking man behind the counter] Don't tempt me!
[Jesus KOs a vampire]
Jesus Christ:
[pats body] Body of Christ!
God:
Jesus...
Jesus Christ:
Is that you, bowl of cherries?
God:
Do bowls of cherries talk, Jesus?
Jesus Christ:
I don't know. I've seen a lot of strange things over the years.
God:
You need help, Jesus, and I will not forsake it.
Jesus Christ:
Ohh, it's you Dad. So what's your advice?
Jesus Christ:
[on lesbians] There's nothing deviant about love
The Transvestite:
Jesus, honey, you're a mess!
Jesus Christ:
[weakly] How... did you know... my name?
Jesus Christ:
Not even this separates you from my love.
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