Mel Barker: Well, I got homework in maths, further maths and advanced further maths. Josh Barker: There's no one else I like. Just Tania... And I like her a lot. Brian Johnson: But I'm closer to me than anyone. We're practically inseparable. Josh Barker: Sometimes, Brian, it's like I'm talking to myself. Brian Johnson: Yeah, I get that! Mostly when I'm on my own... Josh Barker: All this time he could have turned me in, but he hasn't. Brian Johnson: Yeah, what an idiot! Sophie-morphed-as-Mel: Sometimes people call me Sophie. Not often. Psychiatrist: I see. And who is it who calls you by this other name? Sophie-morphed-as-Mel: No one. Psychiatrist: Where were you originally from? Sophie-morphed-as-Mel: Nowhere. I-I mean, Earth. Pete Walker: So tomorrow's the big date. [leaves] Mel Barker: Date? Josh Barker: Fight. Mel Barker: Pete wants to fight? Josh Barker: With me. Pete wants to fight with me. He said it to me. Mel Barker: But he was looking at me. Josh Barker: He's got a squint. Brian Johnson: I want to sing. I want to dance. I want to fiddle on the roof. Brian Johnson: Who mentioned the Head? I'm going straight to Santa! You'll be in SO much trouble! Brian Johnson: Everyone should have something people can remember them by, a neon sign is one of them. Josh Barker: [to a girl he just asked out] Don't forget to ring your blips! Pete Walker: [to Josh about Tania] You need an entire asteroid to hit earth and wipe out the entire human race. And after that, maybe... just maybe she'd like you. Brian Johnson: Cupid hath pierthed their hearths with hith arrowth. Sophie Johnson: Thorry? Wendy Richardson: [about Justin Timberlake] Entertaining - if you have the intellect of a cauliflower. Brian Johnson: Freaking nutcase! Sophie Johnson: [reading about Valentine's Day on the Galactic Guidebook] ... celebrating something called... romance. Brian Johnson: So it's a day of gladiatorial combat? Lucy Barker: Romance, not Romans!
: [reading the book's spine] Shakespeare, by Romeo and Juliet. Mr. Whiteside: I imagine you know why you're here. Pete Walker: [sadly] Yes, sir. Josh Barker: [stamps on Pete's foot] No, sir. He meant no, sir. Sophie Johnson: [her desired wedding ring] Something with gold and diamonds. Brian Johnson: [off-handedly] Yeah, something like that. Sophie Johnson: No, something *with* gold and diamonds. Brian Johnson: [flipping a coin] Two of hearts! Trent Clements: I wouldn't say I made any of this. I'd say I merely invited a range of fabulous ingredients to have a party in your taste buds at gas mark delicious. Brian Johnson: [Brian has decided to become a knight and has telephoned a zoo in his search for a dragon to slay] Hello there, do you have any dragons? Well, do you have anything that looks like a dragon? A lizard, you say? Does it breathe fire? ...No. Well, okay, can I chop off its head? [short pause as person on phone talks] Brian Johnson: Actually, I'm not sure it's possible to do *that* to yourself.