棒篮小子 (1998) 6.0

Joseph R. Cooper: Go back to your fancy cars, and your big bank accounts, and your celebrity friends, and your beautiful women, and Victoria Silvestedt, Playmate of the Year... FUCK! Joseph R. Cooper: If you want unanimous consent, you're gonna have to get it from one of the other owners. Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Your bed is over here. [indicates a dog bed] Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: Dude, that is so fuckin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that? Joseph R. Cooper: Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper. Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: Yeah I could. Douglas "Swish" Reemer: No. Dude, you're a little bitch! Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: I am not! I don't even know why I hang out with you guys, anyway. Joseph R. Cooper: 'Cause you're a piece of shit. Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: I am not a piece of shit! Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Yeah, but you're a little bitch. Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: Goddammit! I swear if you guys rip on me 13 or 14 more times... I'm outta here! Joseph R. Cooper: Hey pigfucker, can I call you pigfucker? Douglas "Swish" Reemer: No, only my friends can call me pigfucker. [standing at the front door] Coop: It's Coop and Remer. Douglas "Swish" Reemer: We graduated with Britney. Dr. Kaiser: You graduated? Coop: Of course we graduated, cock - Beer? [in the house] Remer: Man this place looks like a Dockers commercial. Coop: Oh hey, Stef! Stephanie: Coop! Remer! Coop: You wanna beer? Stephanie: Oh, my God, you guys haven't changed since High School! Coop: Oh, cool. Stephanie: No, it isn't. Coop: Cock. Hey, Skidmark Steve, cool. You sill hangin' out, playin' Nintendo? Skidmark Steve: Well, if you must know, I'm in my second year of med school and I'm training for the Summer Games. What are you two up to? Coop: Just hanging out. Playing Nintendo. Cock.

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Coop

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: Oh hey! Skidmark Steve! You still just hangin' out, playin' Nintendo? Guy at reunion: Well if you must know, I'm in my second year of Med School and I'm practicing for the summer games. What are you up to? Coop: You know... hangin' out... playin' Nintendo... cock! Douglas "Swish" Reemer: We win, and they get the chicks. That sucks, dude. Joseph R. Cooper: I'm telling you, it's jobs. We gotta get jobs. Then we get the khakis. Then we get the chicks. Douglas "Swish" Reemer: It's jobs. First we get the jobs, then we get the khakis, then we get the girls. Douglas "Swish" Reemer: He's flat-lining! Joseph R. Cooper: Quick, where are those little heart paddles? The ones George Clooney uses! Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: No! Not those! Joseph R. Cooper: Clear! Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: Clear! [Takes Joey's pulse] Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: No pulse! Joseph R. Cooper: Turn up the power! 10,000 volts! Douglas "Swish" Reemer: 10,000 volts! Joseph R. Cooper: Clear! Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: Clear! [Speak fails to clear, gets electrocuted] Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Dude, it's not working! Joseph R. Cooper: Turn it up! 15,000 volts! Douglas "Swish" Reemer: 15,000 volts! Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: [ears smoking] No... [Speak is thrown back from the shock] Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Dude, do you even know what you're doing? Joseph R. Cooper: What does it look like? Douglas "Swish" Reemer: An execution? Joseph R. Cooper: I love ya, always have! Heh. Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Heh. Joseph R. Cooper: Clear! Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Oh, I'll come, I love hospitals. Joseph R. Cooper: No you don't! You like Taco Bell. Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Naw dude, one time I was in France and I met this really sweet chick at one. Joseph R. Cooper: That was a hostel! Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Oh yeah... Dan Patrick: With the first nine months of the Baseketball postseason out of the way, the playoff picture is starting to emerge. Kenny Mayne: So, with last night's victory over Boston, next week the Milwaukee Beers must beat Indianapolis in order to advance to Charlotte. That's in an effort to reduce their magic number to three. Dan Patrick:

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Right, and then the Beers can advance to the National Eastern Division North to play Tampa.