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Stan:
Male maintenance person entering female lavatory area!
Bren:
Have you never seen "Vertigo"?
Norman:
Seen it? I've got it.
Tony:
Are you all right Bren? Did you get any?
Bren:
What?
Tony:
At the weekend! Did you get any?
Bren:
Any sex? No I had to go to the laundrette. Did you, Tony?
Tony:
Hollow flipping laughter.
Tony:
All a bloke really wants for Christmas is a voucher that says, "Take this to 32 Sycamore Avenue. Mrs. Janet Farnesbarnes will be stark naked waiting for you. You can have as long as you like, you get a cup of tea afterwards and you don't have to have a bloody conversation!"
Tony:
I'm a lonely celibate, me. I do nothing. I go home and fry eggs. If I ever do get a girl to come back to my place I won't know what to do with her. I'll be flicking hot fat at her with a spatula.
[Dolly has revealed that she and her husband are going on a luxury cruise]
Jean:
Luxury, my do dah! It's a converted World War Two aircraft carrier!
Dolly Belfield:
We have our own suite, our own balcony...
Jean:
Your own Bofors Gun!
Anita:
[on the topic of Christmas decorations] Is genitalia the silver stuff you drape over the branches?
Philippa Moorcroft:
[running late for a Millennium celebration] Never mind your coffee, get in the bloody, bloody, bloody frigging car!
Jane:
[on the subject of the holiday to Marbella] So is there anyone you want to bring?
Tony:
What "bring" bring?
Jane:
No not "bring" bring, just bring.
Twinkle:
You can get phones that do that.
Tony:
[last scene of the series] Do you think we'll live happily ever after?
Bren:
No, I think we'll go on buggering about as normal.
Tony:
You do love me though, don't you?
Bren:
Of course I do.
Tony:
Make us a brew then!
Norman:
I'm agoraphobic. I fell off a diving board in Guernsey!
Petula Gordino:
[going to hospital] What ward will I be on?
Paramedic:
8
Petula Gordino:
Mixed isn't it? - might have a bit of sex.
Dolly Belfield:
I didn't just come up the Manchester Ship Canal on a Ryvita, you know.
Stan:
You don't treat a female woman like that.
Tony:
I didn't go mad this morning and order one old lady instead of a load of broccoli?
Stan:
[on being asked what his Millennium regrets are] I failed to exploit the potential of the cross-head screwdriver. It was publicly pretty shameful.
Stan:
That's Frank Sinatra on toast, is that.
Sue:
Now that's very interesting. You see, I believe in a world of infinite possibility.
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