金银岛探险记 (1996) 5.9

Billy Bones: Beware lads! Beware. Jim Hawkins: What, the one-legged man? Billy Bones: Aye. But also, beware runnin' with scissors or any other pointy object. It's all good fun, until somebody loses an - Ahhhh! Rizzo: What's wrong? Gonzo: It just feels so weird. Rizzo: You mean that Mr. Arrow's dead? Gonzo: Yeah, that... and my pants are filled with starfish. Rizzo: You and your hobbies. Statler: "Take a cruise," you said. "See the world," you said. Now here we are, stuck on the front of this stupid ship. Waldorf: Well, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience. Easy Pete: [sobbing] Dead Tom's dead. Long John shot him! Walleyed Pike: But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called Dead Tom. Zoot: Hey man, I can't figure out what side we're on. Are we with the pirates or the frog captain? Floyd: Oh, hey, man. Just play the gig. Never get involved in politics. Animal: Politics! Politics! Rizzo: Terrific. Captured by crazed wild pigs and sacrificed hideously before a pagan altar. Gonzo: Are we lucky or what? Gonzo: One leg, Jim, count'em, one. Benjamina Gunn: You left me standing at the altar. Captain Abraham Smollett: I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet. Benjamina Gunn: You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet. Benjamina Gunn: All right. No more Ms. Nice Guy. Rizzo: He's some kind of a blind fiend. Gonzo: I believe they prefer visually challenged fiend. Rizzo: He died? And this is supposed to be a kids' movie.

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[Billy Bones has apparently died]

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Rizzo: He died? And this is supposed to be a kids' movie! Billy Bones: [Billy Bones suddenly wakes up and, without opening his eyes, grabs Gonzo's nose to pull him closer] Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim! You've always been a decent sort to old Billy Bones. Gonzo: Buy I'm not Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim. [Nods at Jim] Gonzo: *He's* Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim. Billy Bones: [Billy Bones grabs Jim's shirt and pulls him closer] Jim? Jim Hawkins: Yes, Captain? Billy Bones: Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim! Jim Hawkins: Yes, Captain, what is it? Jim Hawkins: I'm sorry your present didn't work out. Long John Silver: Aww, Jim. Smollet sails by rules and laws. That's what being a captain is all about. Me, I sails by the stars. Jim Hawkins: Stars? Long John Silver: North, Jim. Find me north out there among them stars. Jim Hawkins: [pulls out compass] Well, that's easy... Long John Silver: [takes compass from Jim and holds it overboard] Ah yeah, but what if you don't have a compass? Jim Hawkins: Long John, please don't drop it! It was my father's. It's all I have of his. Please... please... Long John Silver: [hands it back] I'm sorry, lad. I were only fooling. How old were you when he died, then? Jim Hawkins: Seven. Long John Silver: I were eight when my father died at sea. First mate, he was. Jim Hawkins: My father was a first mate, too! Long John Silver: Was he now? By the powers, what a coincidence! [points to the night sky] Long John Silver: Now, Jim, that be Polaris, the North Star. Even in the China Sea, that's north. Jim Hawkins: [points to the star] North. Polaris. So, we must be heading southwest. Long John Silver: Smart as paint you are, lad! Smart as paint! Now, that gets ol' Long John to wondering: why would we be sailing southwest? The scuttlebutt among the crew is that, um, we're sailing for buried treasure... and, uh, someone on board has a map. 'Course, none of my concern, Jim. I'm just a ship's cook. Such matters are best suited to Captain Smollet. He runs this ship, not I. Long John Silver: Come on, Long John. You could captain this ship. Long John Silver: That I could, lad. Maybe someday I will. Jim Hawkins, Long John Silver: [laughs] Jim Hawkins: [sung] I look around here and I want to cry. Rizzo: Ah, me too. Jim Hawkins: [sung] I feel like the world is passing me by. Gonzo: It is. Jim Hawkins: [sung] And I just can't help but wonder am I doomed to wash and dry? And is it a curse I'm under to do it till I die. Gonzo: Oh, I hope not. Jim Hawkins: [sung] When I could be an explorer... Gonzo: Sure you could. Jim Hawkins: [sung] ... sailing off to distant lands... Gonzo: Wait! Not so fast. Jim Hawkins: [sung] ... 'stead of spending every afternoon just getting dishpan hands. My future looks like nowhere that I want to be. Jim Hawkins, Rizzo, Gonzo: [sung] There's got to be something better, something better... Jim Hawkins: [sung] There's got to be something better than this for me. Captain Abraham Smollett: Where to, Captain Hawkins? Jim Hawkins: To wherever the wind may take us! Gonzo: Off to Zanzibar to meet the Zanzibarbarians! Rizzo: Oh, brother! Here they go again! Dr. Livesay: [looking at the treasure map] Say, I know what's happening here. You chaps are planning to sail to this island, aren't you? To dig up this treasure. Jim Hawkins: Yes, but we must be quiet about it. [whisper] Jim Hawkins: There are pirates looking for this map. Gonzo: [normal voice] Yeah, and they want to KILL us for it! Isn't that exciting? Rizzo: I've gone way beyond afraid. Right now I'm somewhere between bedwetting and a near death experience. Gonzo: Look at this! I'm taller. This is so cool; I may even have a future with the NBA! [laughs] Captain Abraham Smollett: [shouting flabergasted] Who hired this crew? This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I have ever seen, so who hired them? [Everyone points at Young Squire Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger] Captain Abraham Smollett: Your finger hired the crew? Squire Trelawney: No, that's silly. The man who *lives* in my finger hired the crew: Mr. Bimbo. [Holds finger to ear] Squire Trelawney: What? Ah, yeah, he relied heavily on the advice of an excellent cook, Long John Silver. Captain Abraham Smollett: A cook? And a guy who lives in a bear's finger? Squire Trelawney: Exactly! Captain Abraham Smollett: [Smollet and Mr. Erroll sigh heavily] I'm starting to worry about this voyage. Mr. Samuel Erroll: Mm-hmm... Benjamina Gunn: You can't hurt my frog. Billy Bones:

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How does she bloody do that?