Rustlers' Rhapsody (1985) 5.9

Bob Barber: Ever faced another good guy before? Rex O'Herlihan: Nope.

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Bob Barber

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: Me neither. Rex O'Herlihan: Kinda makes you wonder what'll happen. Bob Barber: I figure the good guy'll win, just like always. Rex O'Herlihan: Yeah, except we're both good guys. Bob Barber: Then I figure the most good good guy will win. Rex O'Herlihan: That's how I figure, too. Bob Barber: Yep. Colonel Ticonderoga: You missed! How could you miss? Henchman: Even with these scopes we have a target a hundred yards away, maybe more! We've never fired these guns before! There's a definite wind factor AND we have a problem with the sun! Colonel Ticonderoga: Just shoot him, okay? Rex O'Herlihan: You're not a good guy at all! Bob Barber: I'm a lawyer, you idiot! Rex O'Herlihan: Give me a tall glass of warm gin with a human hair in it. Rex O'Herlihan: This is 1884. You've gotta date and date and date and date and sometimes marry 'em even before... you know... Peter: Now, wait a minute. Are you tellin' me you've never...? Rex O'Herlihan: Never. Peter: My god, Rex. You ARE a good guy. Rex O'Herlihan: I need a little 'me' time. Rex O'Herlihan: Root's Kickin' in! Colonel Ticonderoga: Throw another fag on the fire. Henchman: A what? Colonel Ticonderoga: A log! Throw another log on the fire. [henchmen knock on door] Colonel Ticonderoga: [in female voice] Who is it? Henchman: It's a bunch of your men. Colonel Ticonderoga: [clears throat and talks in deep voice] Be right there, men. Rex O'Herlihan: I'll curse if I wanna curse! Damn! Damn, damn, hell, damn, tee tee, doo doo! Peter: For some reason, the bad guy was always a Colonel who had a beautiful daughter and about a thousand head of cattle which you would hear but never see. Colonel Ticonderoga: Let me just ask you one question. There's just one thing I'm curious about. Why did you bring the body here? My god, this is a home, people live here! Henchman: Ah, Colonel, we didn't know what to do with him. Colonel Ticonderoga: Bury him! How about that! Don't you think that's a good idea? Henchman: Oh, yes sir, yes sir, Colonel! Colonel Ticonderoga: I mean, do you think that when somebody dies, they place them permanently on the family couch? [as Peter bites into a hallucinogenic root] Peter: What is this?

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Rex O'Herlihan