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Lester:
Are you always like this?
Pee-Wee Herman:
No, sometimes I act really silly.
Pee-Wee Herman:
We sure picked a dumb time to not be invisible.
Holdup Man:
Who are you?
Mary:
I'm Gladys Knight and these are my Pips.
[Julian asks Mary about painting the master bedroom]
Julian:
It's House and Condo's Color of the Month.
Mary:
I don't care if it's Baskin Robbins flavor of the month! You are not painting our bedroom passion purple!
Lester:
Passion Purple, Are you Crazy?
Travis:
Cheap! $95 a gallon and they threw in the beret!
Julian:
Balderdash!
Sandra:
Calvin, You're still a boy.
Calvin:
[Before Sandra screams when Calvin tries to kiss her] Hopefully I won't be after tonight!
Sandra:
Don't move, breathe deep, think about Church!
Tiffany:
Um, Brenda, can I get Calvin's autograph?
Brenda:
[after hearing Tiffany's request] Bye Tiffany!
Sandra:
[to Rose after she sneezed and destroyed an old map] You really blew it now Rose!
[Sandra is paying rent to Rose]
Sandra:
Three months' rent.
Rose Lee:
Good, now you're only two months behind!
Sandra:
By this summer, I can buy anything I want. I wonder if the Washington Redskins are for sale.
Sandra:
[after receiving a bouquet of flowers] Oh, Mary! You know what? These are probably from Tony apologizing for last night.
Mary:
You see there? All upset for nothing.
Sandra:
[reading the attached note] Oh! Dear Snookums, please accept these flowers as well as an invitation to dinner Friday night at La Bamba! Love, Tony!
Mary:
La Bamba? Child, that place is so expensive, even the doorman takes credit cards.
Sandra:
[laughs] Oh, look, Mary, isn't this cute? There's a P.S! Please don't tell... Sandra.
[voice changes to an angry tone upon realizing the flowers are for her roommate, Donna]
Donna Dalton:
Hi!
[seeing flowers in Sandra's hand]
Donna Dalton:
Oh, those are so pretty!
Sandra:
They're yours.
Donna Dalton:
Aw!
[grabbing the flowers]
Donna Dalton:
From who?
Sandra:
From Tony.
Donna Dalton:
Aw! I wonder where I should put them?
Sandra:
[menacingly moves towards Donna] I know exact...
Mary:
[while pulling Sandra back] Uh! Uh! Um!
Donna Dalton:
I-Is there something wrong?
Sandra:
[mockingly] I-Is there something wrong? Yeah, there's something wrong! You obviously made a mistake in judgement! Nobody, I mean, nobody messes with Sandra Clark!
Donna Dalton:
What are you so upset about? You got a 100 guys calling you!
Sandra:
[defiantly] Well, today's it's
Rose Lee:
Mary, now you know I am a very understanding person.
Sandra:
HA!
Rose Lee:
But I told Sandra if she didn't have that rent money by the end of the week, she was out of here!
Sandra:
And after all the favors I've done for her!
Rose Lee:
Favors? What favors?
Sandra:
What about last week? You were feeling kind of low. You spent all that money on a new dress and you didn't know if it was attractive. You came to me for help, and I looked you straight in the eye and said it was gorgeous.
[smugly]
Sandra:
I lied, Rose.
Rose Lee:
[while interviewing applicants to be Sandra's roommate] Hello, I'm Rose Holloway, the landlady here, and this is Miss Sandra Clark.
Muffin Tee Matthews:
[in a Southern accent] Nice to meet you! Muffin Tee Matthews
Sandra:
Muffin?
Muffin Tee Matthews:
Oh, that's not my real name. I just use it for the beauty pageants.
Sandra:
Beauty pageants?
Muffin Tee Matthews:
And may I say that living with you would be so fufilling and rewarding!
Sandra:
What are you, Miss Congeniality?
Muffin Tee Matthews:
No. I'm Miss Tuscaloosa. And next year, we're going after Miss America. My manager says I'm a perfect 10!
Sandra:
Oh, what a shame!
Muffin Tee Matthews:
Why?
Sandra:
Rose has it in her lease: Two perfect 10's can't share the same apartment.
[grabbing Muffin's hand]
Sandra:
Oh, I'm so sorry! Oh, thank you! See you on the runway... Miss Tuscaloosa!
[pushes Muffin out of the door]
Mary:
[while watching Donna walking, laughing, and flirting with two guys] Um, Madonna? I mean... Donna. I think we need to talk.
Donna Dalton:
Sure, Aunt Mary, what about?
Mary:
[referring to Donna's new look and attitude] About your... your, um... difference.
Donna Dalton:
Oh, I know, isn't it wonderful? I feel like a whole new person! I've never had this much fun in my entire life! I feel so good and confident about myself! Coming to see you and Uncle Lester has been the best thing that's ever happened to me! Oh, I love it here!
[kisses Mary on the cheek and walks inside the apartment]
Pearl Shay:
Well, you sure straightened her out.
Rose Lee:
[referring to Sandra] Mary, this woman has got me at the end of my rope!
Sandra:
[muttering] It should be around your neck.
Alexandria DeWitt:
And this must be Brenda.
Brenda:
Yes, Ma'am. I mean, hi.
Alexandria DeWitt:
Brenda, this should be fun. Do you like music?
Brenda:
Oh, I love music!
Alexandria DeWitt:
Good, I brought my entire collection of the Three B's.
Brenda:
What group is that?
Alexandria DeWitt:
Bach, Beethoven, and Brahms.
Brenda:
Oh, I like rap: Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince?
Alexandria DeWitt:
Oh, honey, you'll grow out of it.
Alexandria DeWitt:
And you must be...
Sandra:
Oh, I'm Madame Curie.
Alexandria DeWitt:
Oh, you're much prettier than she.
Sandra:
Ah! Give this kid a Nobel prize!
Alexandria DeWitt:
Oh, she won one of those for the betterment of mankind.
Sandra:
Oh, gee! We both work for the same cause!
Alexandria DeWitt:
Now Brenda, would you kindly show me to my room?
Brenda:
You mean, MY room.
Alexandria DeWitt:
[in a disgusted tone] You mean, we're SHARING?
Brenda:
Well, actually, the hall closet is empty.
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