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Willy:
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If bachlorette number one isn't out here in half a tick I'm gonna ice bachlorette number two, got it?
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Samantha:
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You were born with an asshole, Doris, you don't need Chuck.
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[When her MAC-10 jams while target shooting]
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Samantha:
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Daddy would have gotten us Uzis.
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[after shooting one of his friends]
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Willy:
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I'm not crazy, I just don't give a fuck.
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Regina Belmont:
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Have you ever been hit with Dots, Mel? Milk Duds? Those things hurt!
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Willy:
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You wouldn't believe what we want from you. In your worst nightmare you wouldn't believe.
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Willy:
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Let's play a game, it's called scary noises.
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Samantha:
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[with mock sincerity] The burden of civilization is upon us...
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Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK:
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Ohhh.
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[smiling]
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Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK:
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Bitchin', isn't it?
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Samantha:
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You're not gonna blame me because the phone went dead. I'm not the phone company. Nobody's the phone company anymore!
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Party Guest:
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In 1910, Haley's Comet Returned. Everyone thought they were going to die then.
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Davenport:
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[coaxing the children for a shot] You'll just fall asleep and then you'll see Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
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Brian, Survivor Child:
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I don't believe in Santa Claus.
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Dr. Carter, Project Chief:
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What? You don't believe in Santa?
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Regina Belmont:
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You shouldn't cross on the red.
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Samantha:
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Are you kidding?
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[walks out in the middle of the road]
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Samantha:
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There's nobody here!
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[a car suddenly comes out of nowhere and swerves to avoid Samantha]
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Regina Belmont:
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[to the children] See what happens?
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Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK:
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[from the car to Samantha] Oh, I'm sorry but you shouldn't cross on the red like that.
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Samantha:
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They're around.
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Regina Belmont:
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They're not around.
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Samantha:
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Look, if you're trying to scare me, you're doing it okay?
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Regina Belmont:
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I'm not trying to scare you.
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Samantha:
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Then stop it!
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Regina Belmont:
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I'm not doing it! You try calling someone. Not just your pep squad. Anyone. Nobody's home!
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Hector Gomez:
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[Yelling at think tank zombies] Think tank, huh?
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[Flipping them off]
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Hector Gomez:
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Think on this!
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Regina Belmont:
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C'mon Hector, the MAC-10 submachine gun was practically designed for housewives.
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Samantha:
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Nice car.
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Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK:
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Thanks, I have 23 of them.
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Regina Belmont:
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Do you have your MasterCard on you?
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Samantha:
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No.
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Regina Belmont:
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Good, because you don't need it. THE STORES ARE OPEN!
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Samantha:
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Doris, Reggie's on the phone.
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Doris Belmont:
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She's not having car trouble?
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Samantha:
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She's going to be out all night with her science class at the observatory. I know all about it.
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Regina Belmont:
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Yeah. Hi, Doris.
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Doris Belmont:
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What's this about a science class, Regina?
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Regina Belmont:
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Well, you want me to do better in science don't you?
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Doris Belmont:
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I want you home in 5 minutes after you finish work. If you want to watch the comet you can do it here.
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Regina Belmont:
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Look, Doris. Like, I'm 18 okay? And I can watch the comet where ever I want to watch the comet.
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