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- 片 名警察与卡车强盗
- 上映时间1977年05月19日
- 导 演
哈尔·尼德汉
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剧 情
版本一：
为了赶时间，冲锋飞车、超速超车，当然就在所难免。公路警察自然不会坐视不管，於是我们就看到一名非常典型、有著啤酒肚子的警官（老牌谐星杰基葛里森饰演），一路追踪拦截，想要把他绳之以法。可是，这「土匪」哪里是那么容易就被逮的？更何况他到处都有卡车司机朋友，以无线电通风报信，...
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Buford T. Justice:
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Hey boy, where is Sheriff Branford at?
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Sheriff Branford:
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I AM Sheriff Branford.
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Buford T. Justice:
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Oh, pardon me. For some reason you sounded a little taller on radio.
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Buford T. Justice:
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Give me a diablo sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, and make it quick, I'm in a god-damn hurry.
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Buford T. Justice:
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There's no way, *no* way that you came from *my* loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!
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Buford T. Justice:
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I saw that, you sombitch. You did that on purpose. You're going away till you're gray. I got the evidence.
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Buford T. Justice:
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[speaks to Junior] Put the evidence in the car
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Junior:
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But daddy.
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Buford T. Justice:
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Put the *evidence* in the car.
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[speaking to trucker again]
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Buford T. Justice:
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I'm gonna barbeque your ass in molasses.
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Bandit:
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Well, go girl, go!
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Carrie:
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[She is driving] I'm goin' I'm goin! I got the metal to the petal and the thing to the floor!
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Carrie:
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I think I just went 10-
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Bandit:
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Better than 10-
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Carrie:
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[a little flustered] Yes that's true.
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[they both laugh]
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Buford T. Justice:
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If you're gonna hang out in places like this, wear a badge on your didey
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Alabama State Trooper:
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Did you see that? They went right through our roadblock
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Buford T. Justice:
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You sombitches couldn't close an umbrella
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Junior:
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Damn, he had a lot of friends, didn't he?
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Buford T. Justice:
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If they'd have cremated the sombitch, I'd be kickin' that Mr Bandit's ass around the moon by now
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Bandit:
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[commenting on Carrie's legs] Cowboys love fat calves.
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Carrie:
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They're not fat!
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Bandit:
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Well, they're bigger then mine.
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Carrie:
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Do we really wanna talk about legs?
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Bandit:
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Well, one of us wants to.
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25
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Carrie
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fb1
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:
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Smart ass.
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Junior:
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[waiting for the "funeral procession] Gosh, he sure had a lot of friends.
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Buford T. Justice:
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I wish they'd cremated the sum of a bitch. I could be kickin' the Mr. Bandit's ass around the moon by now.
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Buford T. Justice:
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Junior! Put the evidence, in the car!
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Buford T. Justice:
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This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin' around with those show folk fags.
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[Regarding The Bandit in a hammock]
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Big Enos:
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Son, you're looking at a legend.
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Little Enos:
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I guess a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot a like, daddy.
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Buford T. Justice:
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What the hell is the world coming to?
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Buford T. Justice:
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You sum-bitches couldn't close an umbrella.
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Buford T. Justice:
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There is no way, NO way that you came from my loins. The first thing I'm gonna do when I get home is punch your momma in the mouth.
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Buford T. Justice:
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What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.
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Sheriff Branford:
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The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.
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Buford T. Justice:
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The god damn Germans got nothin' to do with it.
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Buford T. Justice:
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And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway.
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[begins to turn away, then returns]
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Buford T. Justice:
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Now, you can THINK about it... but don't do it!
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[after kicking one of the car thieves in the rear]
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Buford T. Justice:
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That's an attention-getter.
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Junior:
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My hat blew off, daddy.
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Buford T. Justice:
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I hope your goddamn head was in it.
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Buford T. Justice:
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Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum's pecker.
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Junior:
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Except for that...
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Buford T. Justice:
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Shut your ass.
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Buford T. Justice:
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Duck, or you'll be talkin' out your ass.
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Bandit:
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Oh I love your suits. It must have been a bitch to get a 68 Extra Fat and a 12 Dwarf.
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Carrie:
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You have a great profile.
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Bandit:
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Yeah, I do, don't I? Especially from the side.
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Carrie:
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Well, at least we agree on something.
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Bandit:
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Yeah. We both like half of my face.
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Buford T. Justice:
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66
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You sum bitch. You did that on purpose. You're going away 'till you're gray. I got the evidence.
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fee
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Bandit:
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What the hell was that?
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Carrie:
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A left. Or a half a U.
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Bandit:
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Now, gettin' to Texarkana and back in 28 hours, that's no problem.
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Little Enos:
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It ain't never been done before, hot shit.
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Bandit:
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Watch your language, little lady.
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Little Enos:
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I think you're just a little bit scared.
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Bandit:
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That's real good psychology. Why don't you say something bad about my mother?
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Little Enos:
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Your momma is so ugly...
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Carrie:
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I think I'm in love with your belt buckle.
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Carrie:
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Don't you ever take off that stupid hat?
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Bandit:
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I take my hat off for one thing, one thing only.
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Carrie:
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Oh...
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[beat]
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Carrie:
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Take your hat off.
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[Bandit looks stunned]
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Carrie:
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I mean, If you want to...
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Bandit:
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I want to.
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Buford T. Justice:
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Just keep your eye out for that Mr. Bandit bastard!
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Buford T. Justice:
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You want something?
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Junior:
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Hush puppies, daddy.
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Buford T. Justice:
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We don't got time for that crap! Dumb sumbitch!
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Buford T. Justice:
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[shouting out of a restaurant to Junior waiting in the car] You want something?
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Junior:
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Hushpuppies, Daddy!
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Buford T. Justice:
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We got no time for that crap!
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[last lines]
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Junior:
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[running after Sheriff Justice's car] Daddy! Wait! Who's gonna hold your hat?
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Cledus Snow:
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Whoa!
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[to Bandit over the CB]
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Cledus Snow:
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I just passed another Kojack with a Kodak, this place is crawling with bears, where the hell are you?
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Bandit:
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Snowman, you got your ears on?
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Cledus Snow:
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You lucky devil, you got him! Where the hell are you?
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Cledus Snow:
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[whistles]
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[hears a police motorcycle siren]
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Cledus Snow:
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Oh, no! Hey, Bandit, Hey, Bandit, listen to this!
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Cledus Snow:
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[siren blares out of Bandit's CB] You know who that is? That's Mr. Evil Knievel. He snuck in my back door, son, when I wasn't lookin'. You better flip-flop back here and gimme' a hand, son, or we gonna be in a heap of trouble. Please roger that transmission!
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Bandit:
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Hold on to Fred, son! Here comes the cavalry!
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Cledus Snow:
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42
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[Buford's car runs in front of Cledus' truck]
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fd4
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[to bandit over the CB]
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Cledus Snow:
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Hoss, you ain't gonna believe this, but that cray sombitch just tried to drive right up under my truck!
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Bandit:
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You must be in a hell of a hurry, huh, Sheriff?
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Buford T. Justice:
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You bet your ass on that, boy.
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Carrie:
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Actually, my heaviest relationship was with an acid-rock singer... named Robert Crumly. We were together, oh, eight-and-a-half days. God, I really thought that was it.
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Bandit:
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And?
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Carrie:
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One day, I came home and found him in the shower... with a girl... and her mother!
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Bandit:
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Well, at least he kept it in the family.
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Bandit:
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Cledus, get the money.
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Cledus:
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Yeah, how 'bout the money?
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Little Enos:
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How 'bout double or nothin'?
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Cledus:
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How 'bout forgettin' it?
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Bandit:
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Wait a minute. What about double or nothin'?
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Little Enos:
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You run up to Boston, and bring back some clam chowder for me and my daddy.
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Carrie:
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You're on.
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Bandit:
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Uh, you're on.
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Big Enos:
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In 18 hours?
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Bandit:
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You're still on.
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[Communicating through the C.B. radio]
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Bandit:
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Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.
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Buford T. Justice:
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Who there?
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Bandit:
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This is Bandit Darville talkin'.
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Buford T. Justice:
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Where are you, you sombitch?
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Bandit:
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Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there's just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog, 'cause I've been chased by the best of them, and son, you make 'em look like they're all runnin' in slow motion. I just wanna say that.
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Buford T. Justice:
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Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you're the goddamnedest pursuee I've ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullshit is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SOMBITCH?
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Bandit:
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What do you think they do for excitement in this town?
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Cledus Snow:
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Probably sit around and watch the cars rust.
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Cledus Snow:
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Besides, I can't go with you. I got to go to Conyers in the morning and pick up a load of manure.
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Bandit:
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Um, shitty job.
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Cledus Snow:
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Atlanta to Texarkana and back in twenty eight hours? That ain't never been done before.
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Bandit:
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That's cause *we* ain't never done it.
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Cledus Snow:
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Suppose we don't make it?
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Bandit:
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Hey, we ain't never not made it before, have we?
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Bandit:
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I'm gonna need a speedy car...
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[Watches as Little Enos begins counting out money]
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Bandit:
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Speedier than that...
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43
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[Watches as Little Enos counts out more money]
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fe5
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Bandit:
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Speedier than that.
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Little Enos:
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[Mumbling] I'd like to kick his ass just once.
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Waynette Snow:
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No, Bandit! Not this time! Cledus is not goin' with you! He got in enough trouble last time! Dammit, Bandit, look at me!
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Bandit:
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Bandit: I find it hard to look at you Waynette, very hard. 'Specially when you've got those things in your hair, makes me think you're listenin' to a radio station in Savannah.
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[Bandit has just used a broken bridge to jump a river]
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Carrie:
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That was great! I want to jump something else! I want to jump a car, or a house, anything!
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Bandit:
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[still shaking] Then jump me!
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Georgia State Trooper:
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[during the final chase, the motorcycle cop has landed in a ditch with water] Son, don't you know this ain't saturday?
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Cledus Snow:
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[at the Coors warehouse in Texarkana] Hey, Bandit! It's only 6:30 in the mornin'; what time you think they open?
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Bandit:
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[drives a forklift through the warehouse door] They're open now. Let's load up.
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Cledus Snow:
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Bandit, what are we gonna do about all this beer we took?
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Bandit:
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[Running to his car] Leave them a note and tell them to send the bill to Big Enos Burdette.
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Cledus Snow:
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[writing a note] Send bill to Big Enos Burdette; B-i-r-d; B-u-r-d;
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[sees Bandit take off]
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Cledus Snow:
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Hell, I got to go
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[leaves without finishing note]
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Carrie:
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Would a cop taking a leek on the side of the road interest you?
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Bandit:
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[looking] Yes it would... He was taking a 10-100
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Carrie:
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Better than a 10-*2*00
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Carrie, Bandit:
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[both laugh]
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Cledus Snow:
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I don't think my dog bit you, mister. 'Cause Fred definately DON'T like grease!
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Bandit:
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Sheriff... do the letters F.O mean anything to you?
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Buford T. Justice:
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[putting C.B down] Sma't Alec!
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Bandit:
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You chasin' somebody Sheriff? Somebody chasin' you?
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Buford T. Justice:
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Nobody's chasin' me, boy!
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Bandit:
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For the good old American lifestyle: For the money, for the glory, and for the fun... mostly for the money.
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Buford T. Justice:
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One shit at a time!
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Buford T. Justice:
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Do what I say you pile a monkey nuts!
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Cledus Snow:
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You can't drive a fork lift.
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25
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Bandit
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fdf
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:
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I can drive any forkin' thing around.
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Buford T. Justice:
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Breaker, breaker for the Bandit.
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Bandit:
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Come on back, breaker.
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Buford T. Justice:
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You got trouble comin'. Big trouble.
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Bandit:
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Well, what's your handle son and what's your 20?
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Buford T. Justice:
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My handle is Smokey Bear and I'm tail grabbin' your ass right now!
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Cledus Snow:
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[Over CB about Carrie's dress] Hay, is she wearing a *wedding dress*?
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Bandit:
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[Carrie throws dress out of the car since she has changed into jeans and a shirt] She was.
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Cledus Snow:
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What's she wearing now? Come back. Hey, you got peanut butter or somethin' in your ears? Tell me what that girl's got on. Her mind!
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[Laughs]
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Cledus Snow:
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10-
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Cledus Snow:
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Hey Bandit. Me an' Fred got a question.
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Bandit:
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What you an' Fred want?
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Cledus Snow:
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How come we's doin' this?
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Bandit:
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Why d'you ask?
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Cledus Snow:
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Well they said it ain't never been done before.
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Bandit:
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W'hell thats the reason, son.
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Cledus Snow:
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[Shrugs] That's good with Fred.
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Bandit:
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[Laughing] Ten-four
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Cledus Snow:
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[to Fred, his hound] He about as crazy as you are ugly!
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