Support Your Local Gunfighter (1971) 6.8

Jug: You hit that fellow from behind? Latigo: Just as hard as I could! Latigo: This your office? Doc Schultz: I doctor pack mules, too. If you got a pain in the ass, you come see Doc Schultz. [Latigo proposes Jug poses as a notorious gunfighter for hire] Jug: I'm supposed to pretend I'm Swifty Morgan? Goodbye! Latigo: They're willing to pay. Jug: How much? Latigo: One thousand dollars. We'll split it fifty-fifty. That means four hundred for you. Jug: That seems fair. But I think that... Latigo: No, no you don't. That's part of the deal. I do the thinking, you stand around and look tough. Taylor Barton: If I'd know you were going to send this pipsqueak against a man like Swifty Morgan... Colorado: Now look, Mr. Barton, I can't help it... Taylor Barton: Don't take offense, lad. But after all, you've never killed anybody outside of this county. You're just local stuff. Jug: You know, I may not have too much of a chance with Swifty Morgan. But suppose I down him? Latigo: Well, suppose you don't? And the odds are a thousand to one you won't. Well, you'll just end up an unknown character under a wooden cross on Boot Hill. Jug: Well, everybody winds up dead sooner or later. Latigo: Well, the smart ones try to postpone it as long as possible. Bud Barton: You couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a banjo! Doc Schultz: Patience, you got to stop shooting at people. You know something? If you wasn't such a terrible shot, there wouldn't be a young man alive in all of Purgatory. I heard you shot at Elmer Price in the lobby of the hotel yesterday evening. Patience: Well, he asked me to marry him! Doc Schultz: You think that's reason enough to shoot at a man? Col. Ames: We share the same ancestors as far back as Adam and Eve. I desire no closer relation than that. Latigo: Patience, there are some things a man just can't ride around... but then again, maybe he can. 'Swifty' Morgan: You can't gunfight a man sitting on your ass!