燕雀香巢 (1948) 7.2

Jim Blandings: It's a conspiracy, I tell you. The minute you start they put you on the all-American sucker list. You start out to build a home and wind up in the poorhouse. And if it can happen to me, what about the guys who aren't making $15,000 a year? The ones who want a home of their own. It's a conspiracy, I tell you - -against every boy and girl who were ever in love. Bill Cole: You've been taken to the cleaners, and you don't even know your pants are off. Gussie: If you ain't eatin' Wham, you ain't eatin' ham. Muriel Blandings: I refuse to endanger the lives of my children in a house with less than four bathrooms. Jim Blandings: For 1,300 dollars they can live in a house with three bathrooms and ROUGH IT. Joan: Oh look. Mother's diary. It's slightly torrid. Jim Blandings: What's with this kissing all of a sudden? I don't like it. Every time he goes out of this house, he shakes my hand and kisses you. Muriel Blandings: Would you prefer it the other way around? Jim Blandings: Nothing, Mary. Just a private joke between me and whoever my analyst is going to be. Bill Cole: The next time you're going to do anything or say anything or buy anything, think it over very carefully. When you're sure you're right, forget the whole thing. Bill Cole: I kind of felt that he kind of felt that if I kind of told you that you'd know that he knew that you knew... or something. Muriel Blandings: Why don't you use an electric razor? Jim Blandings: Can't get used to them. Muriel Blandings: Silly. Bill Cole's been using one for years. Jim Blandings: He hasn't got my beard. Muriel Blandings: Bill's beard is just as coarse and tough ... Jim Blandings: I am not interested in discussing the grain and texture of Bill Cole's hair follicles before I've had my breakfast. Betsy Blandings: Ms. Stellwagon has assigned each of us to take a classified ad and write a human-interest theme about it. I found one typical of the disintegration of our present society. Jim Blandings: I wasn't aware of the fact that our society *was* disintegrating.

2e

Betsy Blandings

fbd

: I wouldn't expect you to be, Father. Ms. Stellwagon says that middle class people like us are all too prone to overlook ... Jim Blandings: Muriel, I know this is asking a lot, but just one morning I would like to sit down and have breakfast without social significance. Muriel Blandings: Jim, you really must take more interest in your children's education. Joan: Can't squeeze blood from a turnip. Muriel Blandings: You remember Bunny Funkhouser, dear, that clever young interior decorator that we met at the Collins' cocktail party. Jim Blandings: You mean that young man with the open-toed sandals? What about him? Muriel Blandings: Well, you know how long we've said we've got to do something about fixing up this apartment. Well, a couple of weeks ago, he called, and I asked him to come over, and he had some simply wonderful ideas, and I didn't want to bother you with sketches and estimates until I knew whether we could afford it. So I sent them over to Bill. Jim Blandings: How much? Muriel Blandings: What's the point in asking how much until you know what you're going to get? Jim Blandings: I've seen Bunny Funkhouser. I *know* what I'm going to get. Muriel Blandings: Look, here's how he sees our living room. Isn't it charming? Jim Blandings: What's that? A shoe-shine stand? Muriel Blandings: It's a cobbler's bench, dear. The room's Colonial. Breakfront. Hooked rug. Student's lamp. Pie Cooler. And over here is a Martha Washington desk. Jim Blandings: And where do I keep my powdered wig? Smith: You're buying a piece of American history. Jim Blandings: You don't say. How's that? Smith: Why, first year she was built, General Gates stopped right here to water his horses. Jim Blandings: Old General Gates, huh? Civil War. Smith: Huh? Revolutionary War. Jim Blandings: Oh, *that* General Gates. Jim Blandings: It just so happened that General... uh... Gates stopped right there at that very house to water his horses. Bill Cole: I don't care if General Grant dropped in for a scotch and soda. You're still getting rooked. Jim Blandings: That was a different war! Gussie: The house and the lilac bush at the corner are just the same age, Bill. If a lilac bush can live and be so old, so can a house. It just needs someone to love it, that's all. Bill Cole: It's a good thing there are two of you. One to love it and one to hold it up. Muriel Blandings: Darling, I'm going out to the place this afternoon. Bill's driving me up to see about the landscaping. Jim Blandings: That'll be nice... What do you mean Bill's driving you? Muriel Blandings:

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Why do you always say 'what do you mean' when you know perfectly well what I mean and you mean?