新婚燕尔：尼克与杰西卡(2003)

Jessica: I have to go... drop some kids in the pool. Jessica: What does it mean when you take a really big breath and it hurts? [inhales big] Jessica: It hurts really bad right here. Nick: It means you shouldn't talk for a day and a half. Jessica: Is there, like, maids for, like, celebrities? Jessica: Is this chicken what I have or is this fish? I know it's tuna. But it says chicken. By the sea. Jessica: Platypus? I thought it was pronounced platymapus. Has it always been pronounced platypus? Jessica: I hate record labels. They think they know everything. I want to hear them try to sing it. Jessica: I have bubbles in my tummy... it's just air. It's not stink. Promise. Jessica: Is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping? Jessica: Why were there mouses? [on the aftermath of death] Jessica: Rigor who? Jessica: My boob gets in the way. [after being offered Buffalo wings] Jessica: No thanks. I don't eat buffalo. Jessica: I still managed to spend $200. Nick: That's never been a problem with you. [discussing the curved champagne glass] Nick: It's got a little lean to it. Kind of reminds you of something else, doesn't it? Jessica: Okay. Nick: Oh, I can't help myself. Jessica: Don't be nasty. And don't tell everybody you lean. Jessica: I could feel your teeth. Nick: They're not my teeth, actually. Jessica: Oh, I forgot. They're "ventures". No, that's dentures. Nick: Ventures? Jessica: What are they called? [Nick laughs] Jessica: Veneers. [Nick laughs] Jessica: I thought "dentures" and I thought "veneers". And then I came up with "ventures". Nick: Yeah. "Think" is the key word. [trying to tuck in her napkin]

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Jessica

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: Not there. Nick: Oh, I'm sorry. Jessica: You'll mess up my cleavage. Nick: Impossible. Nick: What do you mean we're going to be in Atlantic City on our anniversary. Jessica: My dad didn't know it was our anniversary and he scheduled me to perform. Nick: Are you kidding me? Jessica: I wish. He doesn't know when our anniversary is. Nick: Oh, bulls**t he doesn't know when our anniversary is. He was at the wedding. [saying why she is not going to eat the fast food] Jessica: I have a hard booger in my nose, and it makes it - I think it's going to make it bleed. Jessica: The first thing I'm going to do is poop. [opening a birthday present] Nick: It's a little display case for my baseballs. Drew: Open it up, you douche! Nick: Oh, you mean, there's already one in there? Drew: I'm cheap but I'm not that cheap! [discussing Nick's diamond studded watch] Jessica: Do you like your gift? Nick: I love it Baby. I like it a lot. How much did you pay for it? I'm serious. How much was it? Jessica: $55,000 Nick: Fifty - are you crazy? - $55,000? [discussing the new sheets Jessica bought] Nick: How much were they? Jessica: Huh? Nick: How much? How much? Jessica: $1400. Nick: Jessica Simpson! Jessica: What? [giggles] Jessica: Don't be mad. Oh, Nick, come on. Nick: $1400 for sheets? Jessica: Well, you sleep on 'em every night. Nick: I sleep on the ones we got now every night. I don't have a problem. Jessica: Well, I don't like them. I don't sleep good. Nick: Holy crap. I better have a wet dream when I sleep on those sheets. Nick: [to Jessica] Even the washing machine thinks that $1400 is [bleep] Nick: ridiculous. It refuses to wash them. Jessica: Well, I'm gonna take a shower. And wash off everybody's foot jam. Nick: [snickers] Foot- foot jam? Jessica: Yeah, I mean, I was in a pool of water all day long that everybody's feet was in. Nick: Isn't it toe jam? Jessica: Whatever. Guy:

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All right, Hamburger Hamlet, Harbor House, Oriental Seafood...