Richie: What the fuck happened there? Eddie: Well you keep running around shouting "What the fuck happened there?" whilst wobbling your tits about like some epileptic page 3 model. [The pair are drinking tea made with pig's milk] Eddie:
Have you noticed something really odd about the pig? In all the times you have milked it have you noticed it only has one nipple?
Richie: Yeah I had noticed that weird isn't it? Eddie: Plus it never seems to produce a lot of milk, also have you spotted those two great bollocks it has?" [Richie has a shocked look on face before starting to vomit] [The pair are alone in some domed room] Richie: Hello? Eddie: Hello! Richie: No not you! Eddie: Maybe I wasn't replying to you. Richie: So then, there really is someone else here? Eddie: Yeah I'm afraid so. Richie: Who is it? Eddie: Its me! Hello! Richie: Look out Eddie, Ainsley Harriot is coming down here and he's strapping on a condom! Eddie: Quick, Get out of my way! I don't want to be in Ready Steady Fuck! [Richie is wearing bright pink Underwear] Eddie: Where did you get those? Richie: I made them from a pair of washing up gloves. They are marigolds, and they were a little snug to get into. I also haven't been able to get the bastards off for three days. Also the thumb is stuck up my arse! [Talking about the Parrot] Richie: What was that thing he used to say? Eddie: Get off, Get off I'm not a sexual animal? Richie: No not that one the other thing? Eddie: Oi Richie get me another drink you overweight twat! Richie: That's the one. Richie: Is Dave attacking that Seagull? Eddie: Either that or he's shagging it. Richie: No the seagulls attacking him! Now with the left, now the right, that's it Dave that's how you fly away. Eddie: Come on Dave, take your coat off! Kick him where it hurts! Richie: Ouch! He's kicked himself in the bollocks hasn't he? Eddie: Look there go all the seagull's mates, flying off, laughing and with Dave's wallet. Richie: Eddie, think back what's the last thing you remember? Eddie: Oh I know this, it was you, it was you telling me to "Think back what's the last thing you remember?", it's all coming back to me. Eddie: Where's the bar? Richie: Eddie there's no bar! Eddie: What the fuck happened there? What the fuck happened there? What the fuck fuck fuck happened there? What the fuck fucking fuck fuckity fuck happened there? Richie: Language! Eddie: English! This is a very serious No Bar, situation. Mary Mother of Jesus Help! Help! Help! Richie:
What other options do we have? Let's explore our parameters?