经典台词

  • Ari Gold: Is that the way they drive in Tiananmen Square, bitch? Turtle: Check out the tits on the girl from "Extra". Ari Gold: Let's hug it out, bitch. Ari Gold: Call me Helen Keller because I'm a fucking miracle worker! Vince: [talking to Eric at a Hollywood party] Look at where we are. Did you ever think we'd have this? Justine Chapin: [Justine and Vince are flirting in a club] You're gonna have to work for it. Vince: I got into this business so I wouldn't have to work. Ari Gold: I thought you already were his manager. Because believe me I would not put up with this much shit from anyone who wasn't. Eric: Yeah, I know I am, but I want to do it for real, you know? I want to have the conversation, lock it in. Ari Gold: So you come to me for advice. I'm gonna fucking cry. All right, here's what you do. You deal with talent the same way that you deal with women. You have to make them believe that they need you more then you need them. Eric: He doesn't need me that much. Ari Gold: Of course he doesn't need you. You're fucking worthless. I could get a million morons to come in here and do the job. That's not the point. Eric: Then what is the point, Ari? Ari Gold: The point is that he is an insecure fuck, like all beautiful-but-handed-everything-on-a-silver-platter people. He doesn't trust anyone in this world but you. You've been born into royalty baby. You know it. Now you just gotta be thankful, and wear the crown. Ari Gold: [getting off the couch] [shouts] Ari Gold: Lloyd! Ari Gold: [pulling envelope out of drawer] In this envelope, there are the names of eight agents. If anyone catches you, eat it. Nod if you understand me. Lloyd: I understand. Ari Gold: You can't just fucking nod? Lloyd... I want you to... to swear your undying loyalty to me. Lloyd: Ari... Ari Gold: Listen to me, Lloyd, do you want to make it in this business or fold shirts at a Chinese laundromat? Pledge. Lloyd: I pledge my undying loyalty to you, Ari. Ari Gold: 复制 复制成功 复制失败,请手动复制
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  • Good. Now, I want you to go to each of these agents - discreetly - and say the words "tse-tse fly". Say nothing else. Now go. 复制 复制成功 复制失败,请手动复制
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  • Lloyd: Ari, are you leaving the agency... Ari Gold: *Silence* is fucking golden, Lloyd. Go. Ari Gold: Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders, binders, *everything* into a box! If you find a used condom, an executioner's mask, and a fucking spike paddle, don't think, just pack that bitch! Chop suey! Adam Davies: [Adam Davies reveals himself to be the traitor within Ari's coup d'état] You should be a nicer person. Maybe then people wouldn't fuck you. Ari Gold: You talked, Davies? Ari Gold: [Davies turns away to leave] Hey, Adam. Adam Davies: Yeah, Ari? Ari Gold: Just so you know, your girlfriend, when she was in the mailroom, offered to blow me. True story. Ari Gold: [Ari doesn't want Vince to do Queens Blvd] You know what they feed people on an indi set, Vinne? Nothing! They don't give you a trailer. They tell you to go sit on an apple box. Ever try to bang an extra on an apple box? Eric: Well, if anybody could do it, Vince could. Vince: I do have great balance. Ari Gold: [comes out of office. Emily follows and they continue walking throughout] Where am I going? Emily: Ari, you're 20 minutes late already. Ari, I need to talk to you about something. Ari Gold: Walk with me. Emily: Vince and the guys are going to a party at Josh Weinstein's. Ari Gold: Who's Josh Weinstein? Emily: Are you joking? He's your old assistant. Ari Gold: I have *many* old assistants. Emily: All right, two before me. Before Jackie, after Jerod. Ari Gold: Ah-ha - my "J" phase. I think I fired him for stealing pens. Why do I care about Josh? Emily: Wellm now he's an agent at Triad. And he's the one who gave the boys Queens Boulevard. Ari Gold: [Ari turns on a dime and starts back to his office] That's why no more guys! You fire a guy you create a rival. You fire a woman you create a housewife. Emily: [still following] That's sweet. You're still late. Ari Gold: Hold all my calls. And get Mini - Vince on the phone. Eric: [Emily is Ari's assistant. She and Eric have broken up. Eric walks to her desk] Hey. Emily: [into intercom] Pizza boy's here. Eric: Really? Eric: Really. Eric: [sighs and enters Ari's office] What's wrong with her? Ari Gold: From now on ask my permission before you bang one of my assistants. Eric: How'd you know that? 复制 复制成功 复制失败,请手动复制
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  • : 'Cause I know all. And I could have told you that this would end badly. Now I gotta to fire her so you don't feel weird. Eric: No. Don't fire her. Ari Gold: All right. Well, I'll just sexually harass her until she quits. Johnny Drama: I've been working steady for the past twelve years, minus the last three. [Ari is about to leave his kid's birthday party for business reasons] Ari's Wife: Where are you going? Ari Gold: They flew in the liver, and I gotta do the transplant. Ari Gold: The next one after "Queens Boulevard" is a studio picture: I'm talking franchise, baby. We'll get you the lunchbox. And an action figure with a monster cock. Vincent Chase: It's definitely tempting. Ari Gold: I love you! Vincent Chase: It's not about the awards. If it's good, I'll do it. Eric: [talking to Vincent, after a director does a rewrite on the "Queens Boulevard" script] He's got you blowing a guy on page 26! Johnny Drama: If you play gay or retarded you get an Oscar. I'd take in the ass for an Oscar. Turtle: You'd take in the ass for a guest spot on The Hughleys. Turtle: Don't talk to us like we're adopted, bro. Turtle: [the guys look out towards the Pacific Ocean] What direction is that? Johnny Drama: That's east, you idiot. Eric: It's west, idiot. Johnny Drama: [long pause among the guys] Well, i mean, in NY its east. Turtle: We saw Kristin in the middle of 40 Deuce with her hands down Vince Vaughn's pants. Eric: She had her hands down his pants? Johnny Drama: Yeah, both of 'em. Eric: Vince Vaughn? That puffy motherfucker? Johnny Drama: Nah, bro, he didn't look puffy at all... He was lookin' reeeeal good. Turtle: Yeah, it was kinda like "Swingers" Vince Vaughn, not Old School Vince Vaughn... it's kinda like Neeewww Schoool Vince Vaughn. Eric: [Eric and Ari are discussing film roles for Vince] Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? C'mon, the guy's not even Hispanic. Ari Gold: Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar pretending she has a dick. That's what actors do. They pretend. Eric: All right, I got it. So what if Cruise passes? Ari Gold: Then they go to Brad Pitt. He passes, they go to Keanu Reeves, and on down the list. Eric: Where is Vince on that list? Ari Gold: He ain't on the list. < 复制 复制成功 复制失败,请手动复制
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  • br> Eric: Well, how do we get him on the list? Ari Gold: You do "Aquaman," you stupid fuck! Ari Gold: [after his Viagra has kicked in, to his angry wife] I'm ready to go here, all right? It's like R. Kelly at recess. Honey, honey, what are you doing? Are you kidding me? Baby! Ari Gold: You can have it if you want to live in Agora fucking hills, and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday. Johnny Drama: [at the home of a Hollywood "madam" and her girls] Turtle, if you can't get laid here, turn your dick in. Ari Gold: Where the fuck is Peter Cole's office? Right here? [Ari storms into the room] Ari Gold: James Cameron is directing "Aquaman"? Surprised Kid: That's great! That's awesome! Ari Gold: That's "awesome," huh? You didn't think to bring it up in the fucking staff meeting? An e-mail? A yellow fucking sticky-something? Surprised Kid: I... I didn't know I was supposed to know that kind of stuff. Ari Gold: Well, what is it you're supposed to know, do you think? What the fuck do we pay you for? To get your agency card laminated so you can go to Shelter and try to fuck Mischa Barton? Surprised Kid: I didn't... I didn't think... Ari Gold: Let me tell you something. You don't have to say anything, you know why? Cause you pick up all your stuff, because you're mother-fucking fired! [Ari storms out] CAA Assistant: What happened? Surprised Kid: I don't know. I came in to drop off Peter's mail and Mr. Gold fired me. My life is over! Eric: We gotta get Cameron to see "Queens Boulevard." Ari Gold: You haven't even seen it yet! Eric: I saw the scenes that Vince looped today. They looked amazing. Ari Gold: Great. So you want me to get the biggest director in the game to see some low-budget indie flick that you think is amazing based on some out-of-context scenes from a looping stage. Ari Gold: We are gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we're gonna head-butt some goddamn kangaroos. Turtle: Who the fuck wants a hand job? Shauna: It's like prom; you get your date a corsage and she gives you a hand job. Turtle: Who the fuck wants a hand job? Vince: Johnny Depp's got the kinda career I want. Eric: Johhny Depp did "Pirates of the Caribbean". And if I'm not mistaken, he wore a swashbuckling costume and carried a sword. Turtle: Yeah, but he already dresses like that in real life, though. Turtle: This is where you should be living, Vince. In a kingdom, like a prince. Eric: Don't you mean in a kingdom like a king, you idiot? Vince: Nah, E. Everyone wants to kill the king. But the prince, he just sails along telling all the ladies, "One day I'm gonna be king." Turtle: Jesus Christ, Ari Gold. You just got demoted to Silver. Ari Gold: Smoke more weed, Turtle. Seriously, smoke more weed. Ari Gold: I'll beat that old fuck and throw him in the pool. Ari Gold: [to his young kids] Ari Gold: Only Daddy speaks that way! [Ari's daughter is practising for her bat mitzvah] Ari Gold: [to his wife] Is it me or is her voice getting worse? Ari's Wife: Ari! Ari Gold: It doesn't mean that I don't love her but she's just awful baby! Ari Gold: [answering "emergency" phone call from Eric] There better be a SCUD missile headed towards L.A, Eric. Eric: No, Ari, it's a fucking iceberg. Ari Gold: What are you talking about? Eric: James Cameron's directing Aquaman. Ari Gold: Bullshit. Where'd you hear that, Friendster? Eric: Josh Weinstein, asshole. Now, why don't you get your hand off your dick and go call somebody. Ari Gold: Silence is fucking golden. Ari's Wife: What's in the bag? Ari Gold: A kilo of blow. What's with all the fucking questions? Ari Gold: Got Milf? Ari Gold: Tsetse fly. Eric: We had breakup-sex, all right? Johnny Drama: Breakup-sex? Never heard of it. Eric: Yeah, I mean... you know... you have sex and... that's it - you say goodbye. Johnny Drama: [pauses to think] That's the only kinda sex I have. Ari Gold: Emily! Ari Gold: [Emily enters Ari's office] I want you to go to that party on Saturday, represent the agency, let Vince know that my Army's everywhere. Emily: Ari, I really don't want to get in the middle of this. Ari Gold: You are in the middle of this, whether you like it or not. Okay? You wanna be a hero? You want a medal, or are you a coward? Ari Gold: [Emily looks away] Knock off the hippie shit, strap on a helmet, and start shooting. This is Malibu, Emily, I want you to storm that beach like it's fuckin' Normandy! Johnny Drama: His tears will basically act as the lubricant. Ari Gold: That was a good speech, Lloyd. If I was 25 and liked cock, we could be something. Johnny Drama: North of Ventura Boulevard is hell's waiting room. Aquaman moviegoer: [Getting up from seat] I have to go to the bathroom. Johnny Drama: [Towel draped over his head] Sit down. Johnny Drama: [following Mandy Moore] Too many times, Turtle. Too many times. Turtle: He's fuckin' a guy, you're gettin' asked out like a little bitch, I'd say it's a very big deal. Turtle: I thought he quit? Johnny Drama: Cigarettes, not pussy. Ari Gold: Tell Drama he's on the top of my list of things to do today, along with inserting needles in my cock! 复制 复制成功 复制失败,请手动复制
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