Millions of people speak to God. What if God spoke back? Life just got a hell of a lot more confusing for teenage Joan Girardi, who already ...更多>
Grace Polk: It's the one advantage to being universally despised: you get to say whatever you want. God: Let me explain something to you Joan. It goes like this: I don't look like this. I don't look like anything you'd recognize. You can't see me. I don't sound like this. I don't sound like anything you'd recognize. You see, I'm beyond your experience. I take this form because you're comfortable with it, it makes sense to you. And if I'm "snippy" it's because you understand snippy. Do ya get it? Joan: Sort of. God: Good, cause I'm really not snippy. I've got a great personality. You'd like me. Adam: Headline: Adam Rove meets the chief of police. Adam: Well, nice work Jane. [He leaves, Helen looks at Joan] Joan: He calls me Jane sometimes when he forgets that my name is Joan. Joan: So, my true nature is to be a catalyst? That is mad anti-climatic. God: Anti climactic. Anti-climatic means you're against the weather. Adam: I talk to angels. Luke: No one ever listens to me, and yet I talk. Joan: Oh is that the three-year-old kid who got kidnapped? Will: Missing. Joan: Ok, Got Missing. I read it in the Newspaper. It said you guys have no leads and its been like six weeks. Will: Four Days, We have leads, and when did you start reading the paper? Grace: You smell that? Its like essence of pimp. God: Oh Joan, it would have been so much easier if you just read the book. Now I'm gonna have to send you to the basement. Joan: You mean like, Hell? God: No, I mean, like, the basement. There's one in the school. Check it out. Joan: Look Grace, I'm really sorry. Grace: Yeah, the taking of the sandwich is a symbolic act designed to avoid direct confrontation. Don't worry. Joan: Adam will believe me. God: Yes... but you don't know Adam that well yet. For example, you don't know how many burdens the boy is already carrying. And I'd like you to consider the possibility that it is you who should take on some of his burdens, not vice versa. Joan: Adam has burdens? God: Sometimes they look a lot like gifts. Adam:
He just wants to make fun of my stuff.
Joan: No, he seems sincere. Adam: Rockin' insight, Jane. [Adam walks off in a huff. Obviously upset] Joan: Did I just miss something? Grace: Uh, Clay Fisher just flirted with you. Adam Rove is all about you. Dramatic tension ensued. Were you born without a radar? Luke: Wow, the classic geek misdirect. Gee, I'd like to hang out with you, but let's pretend to study. Joan, Grace: We're not hanging out. Grace: Uh, I think I got better things to do than watch a bunch of cheerleaders flash their panties at brain-dead jocks. Joan: Yeah, and, um, me, too. I have a big party I have to go to, so... Adam: I would go if Jane was going, but... Joan: Well I can't do any stunts. No, No, and how about the jumps? So, so. So why am I here, well it's really odd, but I'm here to cheer on a mission from God. So put me in the game or leave me on the bench, so you can go to heaven and I'll get out of French. Adam: Oh, Jane, glad I caught you here. This is for good luck. [Adam gives her a piece of art that looks like a cheerleader... Well, sort of] Joan: Adam... Well, thank you, but I already tried out. Adam: I missed it? No way, man. Joan: Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's ok... Sorry, But thanks for the... Adam: It's a cheerleader. You know, it's got the little hairy things. Joan: Pompoms? Cool. Adam: I can't believe I missed it, though. How'd it go? Joan: Uh... well, ha ha. I can definitely say I'm not going to be a cheerleader. Adam: Why not? They didn't like you? Joan: Wow... I always thought you'd hate me if I was a cheerleader. Adam: No way. Why? Joan: 'Cause we're sub-defectives, and that would be like deserting the army or something. Adam: Oh. No, I don't care if you're a cheerleader or sub-defective or whatever. I just like hanging out with you 'cause you're Jane. Joan: Joan. God: [when Joan refuses to talk to Him or even believe that He's real] Don't you miss me, just a little? Joan: [lying] No. God: Don't you miss yourself? God: [about a book] Have you read this? Joan: You stole that! God: Well, technically everything belongs to me. Joan: You are not real! God: So people keep telling me. Joan: I'm ignoring you! God: I'm used to it. God:
[after Joan refuses to talk to Him or even believe that He's real]