Kelly: [about his father] He's a VH1 documentary without the music. Lance: Why are you dicking with me, you little dick. You wanna play, dick face?" Kelley: Wait, you just used "dick" as a noun, adjective, and a verb. [after Kelly speaks out in class] Principal Holmstead: Kelly we have to stop meeting like this. Kelly: I mean, it's not my fault the teachers here suck. Principal Holmstead: Growing up is a hard enough thing as it is. Kelly: Is that what your box of tissues is for? Principal Holmstead: How am I ever going to get through to you? Kelly Ernswiler: Well, advertising executives use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. Bart Bowland: You need to stop living in a fucking fantasy world. Kelly: So you invited me to your wedding? Tabby: [crying] There isn't going to be a wedding. Minor kissed this woman he works with. Kelly: Honestly, I didn't think you two were right for eachother. Like that painting. When you walk in you know exactly what it is, but when you look at it closely... Tabby: I don't need your bullshit right now. Kelly: I'm just trying to understand you, Tabby. Tabby: I'm not as complicated as you think. Kelly: I didn't say you were complicated. [Tabby starts to cry, and Kelly goes to sit next to her] Kelly: Don't cry. Please, don't cry. Tabby: [laughing] You like me, don't you? Kelly: Of course. Tabby: No, like, you really like me. Kelly: I think your amazing. Kelly Ernswiler: A funny thing just happened to me. I thought you were dead on the couch.