神探阿蒙"Monk"(2002)

Sharona Fleming: Adrian, can I ask you something? And if it's none of my business, I promise I'll shut up. Adrian Monk: I doubt it. Sharona Fleming: So you remember how many empty boxes you saw? Adrian Monk: It's a blessing, and a curse. [repeated line] Adrian Monk: It's a gift... and a curse. Adrian Monk: I tried doing that once, making every minute count. It gave me a headache. Sharona Fleming: What doesn't? Sharona Fleming: Ow. Why do I always have to be the victim? Adrian Monk: Because the victim usually ends up on the ground, in the dirt. And... I'm me. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Shoot him. Disher: I can't do that, sir. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Then shoot me. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Does everything have to make sense, Monk? Adrian Monk: It kinda does. Adrian Monk: How tall are you? Capt. Stottlemeyer: Six foot. Adrian Monk: Really. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Five-eleven. [repeated line] Adrian Monk: Unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not... Adrian Monk: That officer out there told me I was dead. I'm not dead, am I? Sharona Fleming: How was the dating? Adrian Monk: It was hell. Thank God I'm not single. Sharona Fleming: But you are single. Adrian Monk: Oh yeah. Adrian Monk: Speed dating? No, no, that's like Dante's Seventh Circle of Hell. Sharona Fleming: Oh, my God. It's Tim Daly. Adrian Monk: Who's Tim Daly? Sharona Fleming: He's an actor - he was in "Wings." Adrian Monk: Was it any good? Sharona Fleming: Well, *he* was. Noelle Winters: Is your wife here? Adrian Monk: I'm not married. 复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制

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: You're wearing a ring. Adrian Monk: She passed away. I can't bring myself to take it off yet. Noelle Winters: Oh, I'm sorry. When did she die? Adrian Monk: Six years ago. Capt. Stottlemeyer: [due to a loose snake, Monk is standing on the kitchen table of a house he and Captain Leland Stottlemeyer are investigating] Capt. Stottlemeyer: I thought you were afraid of heights. Adrian Monk: Snakes trump heights. It goes germs, needles, milk, death, snakes, mushrooms, heights, crowds, elevators. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Monk can't help you because well... he's... he's Monk and he's lost in Monkland. Sharona Fleming: Oh my god, Adrian do you know what Kenny Just did? He took care of all my Parking tickets. Adrian Monk: He's like Superman. Director's Assistant: [astounded] You memorized the play in one viewing? Adrian Monk: I'm really sorry. Adrian Monk: [police officers are investigating his home] If something spills, I want to be here. Sharona Fleming: Adrian, trust me... if something spills, you do not want to be here. Adrian Monk: That's a good point... Heavyset Cop: Where's your bathroom? Adrian Monk: [closes bathroom door] I don't have one [repeated line] Adrian Monk: You'll thank me later. [Nestor and Jose Alvarez are delivering newspapers. Nestor is killed] Jose Alvarez: Nestor! Why? For a newspaper? Adrian Monk: [after accidentally wiping his hands with a cloth covered in oil] Sharona, I really need a wipe. Hurry! Oh, the humanity! [repeated line] Adrian Monk: Wipe. Adrian Monk: I'm Adrian... Monk. You can call me Adrian... Monk. Sharona Fleming: Oh, suck it up. Adrian Monk: I don't think it's my turn to suck it up. I think it's your turn to suck it up. Benjy Fleming: Why don't you both suck it up? Sharona Fleming: Excuse me! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Benjy Fleming: No. Sharona Fleming: Well, you should. Come here. [Adrian uses a moist towelette to clean home plate] Boy: [slipping] Whoa! Adrian Monk: Do-over. Adrian Monk: That doesn't make a lot of sense. Hardly any, in fact. Dr. Charles Kroger: Adrian, we can sit here singing show tunes to each other, or we can talk about your sex life. Adrian Monk: [singing] If ever I would leave you... [Monk is in the hospital room of one of the men involved in his wife's death] Warrick Tennyson: You were the husband? Adrian Monk: I AM the husband. Warrick Tennyson: Forgive me. Adrian Monk: Forgive you? This is me turning off your morphine. [He does] Adrian Monk: And this is Trudy, the woman you killed, turning it back on. [he does] Dale the Whale: The bomb that took Trudy from you was not intended to kill you. It was meant for her. Adrian Monk: It was her they were after? Why? Dale the Whale: Oh, I can't help you there. You ever been to New York? Adrian Monk: No. Dale the Whale: Pack your bags. That's where you'll find the man you're looking for. His name is Warrick Tennyson. Adrian Monk: Is he the one that killed her? Dale the Whale: He was... involved. That's all I have. [scoffs] Dale the Whale: There's my good deed for the decade. Benjy Fleming: They gave him a wedgie. Adrian Monk: What's a wedgie? Benjy Fleming: It's when they pull your underwear up all the way out of your pants. Adrian Monk: Oh, they called it something different when I was your age. Benjy Fleming: What did they call it? Adrian Monk: An 'Adrian'. Dr. Charles Kroger: [Dr. Kroger is making a house call because a chimp is loose in Monk's apartment] I can see your space has been violated, and I think you're handling it very well. I'm proud of you. How do you feel? Adrian Monk: ...I'm fine... Dr. Charles Kroger: Yes, these are all material objects. You can replace anything that he breaks, or chews, or pees on. Adrian Monk: Chews or pees on... chews or pees on... Sharona Fleming: That guy took a whizz in the subway... THAT guy just killed four people in cold blood. Now who do you think we should arrest? Adrian Monk: [pauses then mumbles] The murderer. Capt. Stottlemeyer: [to the commisioner] So, you're going to let a murderer off, because you're afraid to admit YOU'RE BALD? Adrian Monk: [about being a cop] I couldn't change the world, I knew that. But I could fix little pieces of it. Adrian Monk: 复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制

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She's not crazy! [Monk is attempting to stop a robbery by pointing a gun at Lester] Lester Highsmith: Is that a water pistol? Adrian Monk: No! [barrel is dripping] Adrian Monk: Maybe... it's scalding! Scalding hot water! Adrian Monk: A stop sign is not a suggestion! Sharona Fleming: Yes it is! Sharona Fleming: [to Benji] ... and you tell her to call Adrian. He'll know what to do... after I tell him. Disher: You know, some people think I'm dangerous. Sharona Fleming: Yeah, people driving behind you. Adrian Monk: I haven't needed a babysitter since I was nineteen. Sharona Fleming: You needed a babysitter when you were nineteen? Adrian Monk: Everyone did. It was the late Seventies. It was a crazy time. Adrian Monk: Tell me about the Lobster Barrel. Joe Christie: It's a family place. It's noisy, there's a million kids. You wouldn't last five minutes. It's got a great all-you-can-eat buffet with seven different kinds of shrimp: jumbo shrimp, batter-dipped shrimp, tempura shrimp... Adrian Monk: Okay, stop telling me about the Lobster Barrel. Joe Christie: ...barbecued shrimp... Adrian Monk: Stop. Adrian Monk: You recently started dating again. Natalie: How did you know that? Adrian Monk: [holds them up] Birth control pills. [Natalie's young daughter is staring at them] Natalie: [horrified] What's wrong with you? Adrian Monk: My mistake. These are Tic-Tacs. Natalie Teeger: [walking through a Museum exhibit on "The Miracle of Birth"] Come on, Adrian, it's just like a fun house. Adrian Monk: What's so fun about fallopian tubes? Adrian Monk: I don't even know this woman. Housekeeper: What would my hours be? Adrian Monk: 9 am. Housekeeper: Until? Adrian Monk: Until one. Housekeeper: Until 1 pm? Adrian Monk: Until one of us dies. Adrian Monk: [as "The Monk"] How you doing, Toy Store? Disher: What did you call me? Adrian Monk: "Toy Store." Your name's Disher. Dish, plate, Plato, Play-Doh. Where do you buy Play-Doh? Disher: Toy store. 复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制

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Disher: Now I have to go back and arrest my girlfriend for conspiracy and attempted murder. She'll probably break up with me! Adrian Monk: She's been buying ice all day. That makes sixteen bags she's carried in so far. Natalie: Maybe she's having a party. Adrian Monk: No food, no beer, no chips. Just ice. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Maybe she's having an Adrian Monk party. Adrian Monk: Captain, I'm one-hundred percent sure that she probably killed him. Capt. Stottlemeyer: What does that mean? [pause] Adrian Monk: Ninety-five percent. Adrian Monk: There's an old saying: "Don't change anything... ever." Natalie Teeger: That's an old saying? Adrian Monk: I've been saying it for years. Adrian Monk: What are you doing? Natalie: Pokin' around. Adrian Monk: You can't *do* that! Natalie: I can do anything I want. I'm cute. [In a squad car, chasing a suspect] Adrian Monk: Is your seatbelt on? Sgt. Parnell: Yes, it is. Adrian Monk: Nice and tight? Blinkers! Blinkers! Sgt. Parnell: Do you understand this is a car chase? Adrian Monk: Left lane ends, two miles! Left lane ends, two miles! Adrian Monk: I mean, he could do alot worse than me for a father. What if he were adopted by... wolves? Adrian Monk: [after accidentally touching the ground] Nature! I've got Nature on my hand! Get it off! [Monk is babysitting a two-year old] Teresa Crane: Now before I go, do you have any questions for me? Adrian Monk: Yes, yes, I have a couple of questions. What does he eat? Teresa Crane: He... eats food. He eats whatever you eat, only in smaller portions. Adrian Monk: Oh. So he's like a person. Sharona Fleming: You okay? Adrian Monk: Not really in my comfort zone here. Sharona Fleming: You have a comfort zone? Adrian Monk: Yes, I have a comfort zone. Sharona Fleming: I've never seen a comfort zone. Adrian Monk: It's not very big. It's, uh, it's kinda [gestures with hands] Adrian Monk: ... small. I, I don't have a comfort zone. [Monk is babysitting a two-year-old] Natalie Teeger: Oh, my God, what is this? Why is he wearing a helmet? 复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制

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: To protect his head. Natalie Teeger: It must be so uncomfortable. Adrian Monk: Oh, he'll get used to it. I used to wear one when I was his age. Natalie Teeger: Your parents made you wear a helmet? Adrian Monk: No. 911 Operator: Sir, what is the nature of your emergency? Adrian Monk: It's everywhere! B.M. It's B.M., B.M., B.M.! It's B.M.! 911 Operator: Sir, you have to stop saying "B.M." now. Do you mean your child is soiling his diaper? Adrian Monk: Yes! Yes, he's soiling his... his diaper. 911 Operator: You mean you've never changed a diaper before? Adrian Monk: Hurry! Capt. Stottlemeyer: [holding the police sketch of the suspect] You've never seen this guy before? In the store, hanging around the parking lot? Young Cashier: I don't think so, but I see a lot of faces. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Sure. Lt. Randall Disher: It looks like Kiefer Sutherland. Capt. Stottlemeyer: [pausing] Yeah, I guess it does. Lt. Randall Disher: It wasn't Kiefer Sutherland, was it? Young Cashier: No, sir. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Here's a receipt. This is from your cash register. This is him, right? Young Cashier: Mm-hmm. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Eight items at 89 cents. Young Cashier: Yes, sir. Eight candy bars. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Eight candy bars? Lt. Randall Disher: It really looks like Kiefer Sutherland. You know, maybe we should - before we distribute it - write across the bottom "not Kiefer Sutherland," just so that we don't disturb Mr. Sutherland. Capt. Stottlemeyer: [sarcastically] That's a really good idea. Lt. Randall Disher: You think so? Capt. Stottlemeyer: No. Capt. Stottlemeyer: [as he's restraining Wright] I'm surprised you can talk with a broken jaw. Darryl Wright: I don't have a broken jaw. [Stottmeyer spins him around then punches him in the jaw] Adrian Monk: Hope is the worst. Sharona Fleming: No. No. Forget it. No more vacations. The next time you try to make me take a vacation, I *swear* I'm quitting. [pause] Sharona Fleming: I can't believe I just said that. Adrian Monk: You seem upset. Sharona Fleming: I am upset! Adrian Monk: You know what you need? Sharona Fleming: No. Shut up. Adrian Monk< 复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制

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/b>: Vacation! Sharona Fleming: Shut up! Adrian Monk: Don't rush the Monk. [about the "police officer" at a bachelorette party] Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, he's not a real cop. He's a stripper. Adrian Monk: I don't think so. Natalie Teeger: Didn't you see his badge? It says "Officer Feelgood." Capt. Stottlemeyer: Monk, the guy's got dollar bills sticking out of his belt. Adrian Monk: I thought he'd lost his wallet. Adrian Monk: I took the liberty of straightening up. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Where is all my crap? Adrian Monk: I had to throw some stuff away. [as "The Monk"] Adrian Monk: Secret sauce. Fantastic. What's in that? Burger Girl: They don't tell us. Adrian Monk: So it's like a mystery. Ah! The Monk likes mysteries. I'm a detective. Burger Girl: I think it's Russian dressing. Adrian Monk: Oh, man! You just ruined it for me. [a new detective is solving a case more efficiently than Adrian] Adrian Monk: He's cheating! Capt. Stottlemeyer: This isn't the fourth grade, Monk. [repeated lines] Adrian Monk: I don't know how he did it. But he did it. Capt. Stottlemeyer: [Monk is sick in bed with the flu; Stottlemeyer points to a large device on the nightstand] What is this thing? Adrian Monk: It's a humidifier. Capt. Stottlemeyer: [pointing to another device] What's that one? Adrian Monk: It's a dehumidifier. [long pause] Capt. Stottlemeyer: Well, don't they cancel each other out? Adrian Monk: Exactly. Adrian Monk: [Monk and Stottlemeyer are looking through Adrian and Trudy's wedding album] She was... wow. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Beautiful. Adrian Monk: I remember during the service she was crying so hard, she couldn't even say the words "I do". Have you ever seen anybody cry so much? Capt. Stottlemeyer: That was you, Monk. And no, I have not. Capt. Stottlemeyer: He's a vegetable! Capt. Stottlemeyer: [singing] Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, it's not warm when she's away. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, she's always gone too long... Adrian Monk: Don't ask. Capt. Stottlemeyer< 复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制

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/b>: [singing] ... anytime she goes away. Wonder this time where she's gone, wonder is she's gone to stay. Woman: Do the dance, you did a little dance. Capt. Stottlemeyer: [singing] Ain't no sunshine, when she's gone. So, gone to long, anytime she goes away. Woman: Turn around I wanna see your tush. Capt. Stottlemeyer: [singing] I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. Woman: Those are different pants, where're the jeans? Capt. Stottlemeyer: [talking] Look, lady, a deal is a deal. I sang the song, now tell me what I said last night. Woman: All you said was, "They don't match". Capt. Stottlemeyer: They don't match, what doesn't match? Woman: I don't know, you didn't say. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Wait, wait, wait. Is that it? Is that all you got? Woman: Leland, sing it again. I just love the way you sing. Capt. Stottlemeyer: [sighs] Thank you. Adrian Monk: [Capt. Stottlemeyer goes over to Monk and Natalie] You were good. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Shut up. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Do you um, know what Ebay is? Adrian Monk: Ebay, no. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Good. Adrian Monk: [in this scene everybody is handing out presents as secret Santas] Captain. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Hey. Adrian Monk: Well, Merry Christmas. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Oh, you got me! Adrian Monk: It's an air purifier, for your house. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Are you saying my house smells? Adrian Monk: Not your house, but houses... like yours, sometimes get a um, odor, that's a... you know sour, or, or very unpleasant kind of stench of... not your house. Capt. Stottlemeyer: Thank you, thank you, Monk. Capt. Stottlemeyer: [captain laughs] Merry Christmas. Adrian Monk: Merry Christmas. Adrian Monk: Merry Christmas to you. Capt. Stottlemeyer: You looking forward to our little party Alice? Alice Westergren: How long do these things usually last? Capt. Stottlemeyer: Well, last year Karen and I left at about 2:00 in the morning and Terry was still standing on a table in his boxer shorts singing "Help Me Rhonda" in Spanish. Capt. Stottlemeyer: How sure are you about this? And don't give me this 95 percent crap! Adrian Monk: Captain, I am 100 percent sure that she *probably* killed her husband. Adrian Monk: [Waits a moment] 95 percent. [repeated line] Adrian Monk: I just solved the case. [repeated line] Natalie: I'm calling the Captain. [repeated line] Adrian Monk: He's the guy. Adrian Monk: That's enough to make me LOL...out loud 复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制

神探阿蒙 (2002)

演职人员(365)

Randall Zisk

Jerry Levine

Andre Belgrader

朗·安德伍德

Anthony R. Palmieri

Stephen Surjik

Anton Cropper

Jefery Levy

Daniel Dratch

亚当·阿金

Milan Cheylov

Stephen Cragg

Adam Davidson

Kevin Inch

Allison Liddi

Nick Marck

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