Vic Mackey: Good cop and bad cop have left for the day. I'm a different kind of cop. [repeated line] Holland Wagenbach: Oh, you've gotta be shittin' me. Vic Mackey: Wipe those smiles off your faces ya shit heads. You don't score points with me bagging twelve year olds. Vic Mackey: Ay, Mo. Your sister's ass really tastes as sweet as Alvarez here says it does? He wants to know what your momma's putting in the corn muffin. Vic Mackey: Hi. I'm detective Vic Mackey. Cop: These your men? Vic Mackey: It depends. What did they do? Officer: You guys have anything to declare? Vic Mackey: Just that is great to be back in the States. Claudette Wyms: Right now Vic Mackey may look like a mighty big catch to you. Do the smart thing, son. Cut bait. David Aceveda: It doesn't bother you, the things he does? Claudette Wyms: I don't judge other cops. David Aceveda: Mackey's not a cop. He's Al Capone with a badge. Claudette Wyms: Al Capone made money by giving the people what they wanted. What people want these days is to make it to their cars without getting mugged. Come home from work and see their stereo is still there. Hear about some murder in the barrio, find out the next day the police caught the guy. If having all those things means some cop roughed up some spic or some nigger in the ghetto... well, as far as most people are concerned it's don't ask, don't tell. Holland Wagenbach: [about Vic Mackey] Why does everyone like that asshole so much? Claudette Wyms: The evidence is lacking. Vic Mackey: So is Dutchboy's dick but I'm not helping with that. Shane Vendrell: It was gonna be a surprise. Vic Mackey: It is. A bad one. Claudette Wyms: Since when do you speak Spanish? Holland Wagenbach:
I'm taking a class... I work in Los Angeles. Not knowing the language was limiting me from being the best detective I could be.
Vic Mackey: Until now I've tolerated you. Come near my men again... I'm gonna lose patience. Tio: We're "pregnant". Vic Mackey: Maybe it would help to recreate the crime: "Ai, Dios mio. I'm burning.". Hey, hey Smitty. Get these two to the morgue ASAP. Vic Mackey: Why are you a better deal for me than Rondell? Tio: I don't use my own product. Rondell does. More and more. Vic Mackey: What the hell are you doing? Shane Vendrell: I'm not doing anything that we weren't doing before. I'm just pumping things up a level. Vic Mackey: And what level is that? Prison? [Shane doesn't answer] Vic Mackey: All right, where's my investment now? Shane Vendrell: It's all tied up in the coke shipment. Vic Mackey: That coke that had Tio's guy bleeding from every orifice? Corrine Mackey: This doesn't happen to other cops' families. Vic Mackey: Pack up your shit and get on the first donkey back to home. Shane Vendrell: The truth is like grits, you can't serve it up plain, you got to put a little salt on it. Vic Mackey: Maybe in your own mind amigo. But around here, i don't answer to you, not now, not even on Cinco De Mayo. Shane Vendrell: We killed a cop. Trish: [to Vic after arresting a politician with a bag of sex toys] See anything I should take home? Trish: You like Chinese? Vic Mackey: Sometimes. Shane Vendrell: Sometimes brothers fight. Mara Sewell: Why does Vic always treat you like the little brother? Trish: Thanks for making me queen. Vic Mackey: Enjoy your kingdom. Vic Mackey: [to Connie's sons' foster parents] I'm gonna be checking in on him from time to time. I better like what I see. Mara Sewell: [to Vic about Shane] He works with you but he comes home to me. Holland Wagenbach: If my tone sounds superior it's because I'm American and you're Greek! Vic Mackey: Put your clothes on, get out of here, and change your taste in men. Shane Vendrell: So, if I'm a cocksucker... Ronnie Gardocki: What do you mean "if"? [Trish wants Shane to go undercover as a gay hooker] Shane Vendrell: [indicating Ronnie and Lem] Why can't one of them do it? Trish: They don't look gay enough. Vic Mackey: [to Julien about a suspect] He sees the uniform and runs? He did it. Julien Lowe: [to the back-up cops] Vic's out back trying to get him to put the gun down. Cop: Hope he doesn't try too hard. [Shane goes undercover as a gay hooker and comments on a passing truck's wheels] Trish: Looks like our new guy knows a thing or two about rim jobs. Curtis 'Lemonhead' Lemansky: [listening in the car] Ha ha... rim jobs. Claudette Wyms: How'd the Strike Team do? Trish: They did great. [indicates Shane] Trish: That one's a naturally born undercover cum guzzler. Shane Vendrell: [playfully] Hey, I heard that, bitch. Lauren Riley: They brought us out here because of a song? Vic Mackey: Just think of it as quality time. Vic Mackey: You still got that boyfriend? Lauren Riley: You still got that wife? Vic Mackey: No. You still got that boyfriend? Shane Vendrell: The list is in a safe, in the Captain's office, in a POLICE STATION. Lauren Riley: [dog barks, she puts a flag where the dog is] Body. [dog barks, she puts a flag where the dog is] Lauren Riley: Body. [dog barks, she puts a flag where the dog is] Lauren Riley: Body. [dog barks, she puts a flag where the dog is] Lauren Riley: Body. [looks at Vic] Lauren Riley: I need more flags. Shane Vendrell: Can I get your autograph, man? Vic Mackey: Yeah, like on a confession? Singer: Who are you guys? Shane Vendrell: Your biggest fans. Claudette Wyms: You gonna be able to handle him? Vic Mackey: Oh, yeah. I'll make him sing. [Vic doesn't do anything and the suspect starts screaming] Suspect: Help! Help! HELP! David Aceveda: [walks in] What's going on in here? Vic Mackey: [confused] Nothing. [Aceveda glares at him]