Howie: On the Long Island Expressway there are lanes going east, lanes going west, and lanes going straight to hell. Gary: I don't have a father. I have an asshole. Howie's friend: Howie, if you do stuff with guys, that's gay stuff. If you do stuff with girls, that's straight stuff. Gary: I think he's trying to say it's not politically correct to fuck your sister. Kevin Cole: We're not even old enough to *vote*, so that's a stupid joke Blitzer. [Laying on the ground as a woman passes by] Kevin Cole: Her dress is so short, you can see her clint. Brian: What? Kevin Cole: Her clint, it's in her pussy. Howie: You mean "clit." Kevin Cole: Fuck you, I mean like... clintasaurus. Howie: It's clitoris, you fuckin' idiot. Kevin Cole: It's a CLINT. Brian: Yeah, like you can see Clint Eastwood in her pussy. [Flipping through a magazine] Kevin Cole: Hey-hey, it's Captain Kirk. Ever see that old Star Trek show where there's a bad Captain Kirk and a good one? And Spock, and Dr. Phones... Brian: You mean "Bones"? Kevin Cole: What? It's Phones McCoy. Brian: "Bones" is a nickname for doctor, idiot. Kevin Cole: No, it's like get the doctor on the phone, like house calls. Brian: It's BONES. Kevin Cole: It's Phones. Counselor: Just so you know, I know you're different, okay. Howie: Different ? Counselor: You're not a nerd, you're not a jock, you're not a scholar or a romeo. Howie: Or a gangsta. Counselor: Or a clown. Howie: So what am I then ? Counselor: You are a Howie Blitzer. Howie: My own category, wow. Big John: And if I was a spy, what would you think of me then ? Howie: Well, I'd think that you are just like James Bond except James Bond doesn't go around blowing boys. Gary: I don't like that kid. He smiles too much.