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"A Nero Wolfe Mystery"
(2001)
-
Archie:
Nero Wolfe gets what Nero Wolfe wants, or he throws a tantrum and I get fired.
Nero Wolfe:
May I sit down?
All:
NO!
Nero Wolfe:
I'm afraid I must overrule you.
[Wolfe fakes a nervous breakdown for Dr. Vollmer]
Nero Wolfe:
Do you want to pay two dollars a pound for butter? Fifty cents for shoestrings? A dollar for a bottle of beer? Hmph. Well? Confound it, answer me!
Archie:
I don't know if it's the willies or what, but as you can see -
Nero Wolfe:
Just because I ask you to lend me five dollars until the beginning of the next war, does not mean that I'm a frugal person.
Dr. Vollmer:
Who wrote this script for him?
Archie:
It's been like this ever since I brought him home.
Dr. Vollmer:
He's been out of the house?
Nero Wolfe:
Archie tells me that you're masquerading as a doctor. Bah! They'll take your clothes off too! Oh, yes, they'll examine every inch of your skin, and they'll find the mark. The one that entitles you to a discount.
[Wolfe pretends to have lost his mind]
Nero Wolfe:
Aren't you a physician? Don't you know a nervous breakdown when you see one?
Dr. Vollmer:
Yes. Yes, I do.
Nero Wolfe:
Well, then, what's the matter with it?
Dr. Vollmer:
It doesn't seem, um, typical.
Nero Wolfe:
That's a faulty observation! That's a defect in your training! Specifically, it's a persecution complex, you idiot!
Dr. Vollmer:
And who's been doing the persecuting?
[Feigning a nervous breakdown]
Nero Wolfe:
You're not going to cut me! They're coming in hordes! I see them on chariots with spiked wheels, waving insolent banners of inflation! Oh! Archie! They're pelting me with worthless coins!
[repeated line]
Archie:
Nuts!
[repeated line]
Nero Wolfe:
Pfui!
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