A mockumentary about life in a mid-sized suboffice paper merchants in a bleak British industrial town, where manager David Brent thinks he's...更多>
David Brent: Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them. Gareth: In this room I have special... Tim: ...needs? Gareth: No, in this room I am a special... Tim: ...needs child? Gareth: No, and that's not even funny. Gareth: Just the eight pints for me last night, then. Oh, no! "Team leader and boss in drunken night out." Shock! horror! Going out with Oggy tomorrow night, then. That'll be be a quiet night in at the library... not! David Brent: Look at this - "Dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs". Now you do not punish a girl, Dutch or otherwise, for having big boobs. Gareth: If anything they should be rewarded. David Brent: No, they should be equal. Gareth: Condoms come in all different flavours nowadays. There's strawberry and curry and that. Do you like curry? Rowan: Gareth, quick trust exercise, ultimate fantasy? Gareth: Hmm? David Brent: We're just doing the ultimate fantasy, we're all doing it. Gareth: Two lesbians probably, sisters. I'm just watching. Rowan: OK. Erm. Tim? Do you have one? Tim: I'd never thought I'd say this, but can I hear more from Gareth please? David Brent: Does a struggling salesman start turning up on a bicycle? No, he turns up in a newer car - perception, yeah? They got to trust me - I'm taking these guys into battle, yeah? And I'm doing my own stapling. David Brent: I haven't got a sign on the door that says white people only. I don't care if you're black, brown or yellow - you know, Orientals make very good workers. Chris Finch:
So I get there, she's aged 19, Ferrari chassis, fantastic set of shelves and legs up to her arse. Muchos tequilas later I'm in a cab with her.
Gareth: I work hard. I earn my keep. But unfortunately the history books are full of just people who toil and fight for worthy causes and the freedom of others. Tim: That's the most profound thing you've ever said mate. Gareth: Yeah and you don't want that only for foreigners, or women, or disableds to take advantage of it. Tim: Can I withdraw my last comment? Tim: Team Leader don't mean anything mate. Gareth: Excuse me, it means I'm leader of a team. Tim: No it doesn't. It's a title someone's given you to get you to do something they don't want to do for free - it's like making the div kid at school milk monitor. No one respects it. Gareth: I think they do. Tim: No they don't Gareth. Gareth: Erm yes they do, cos if people were rude to me then I used to give them their milk last... so it was warm. Gareth: My dad, for example, he's not as cosmopolitan or as educated as me and it can be embarrasing you know. He doesn't understand all the new trendy words - like he'll say "poofs" instead of "gays", "birds" instead of "women", "darkies" instead of "coloureds". David Brent: Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous! No - purely social. I know someone who is an alchoholic and it is no laughing matter - particularly for his wife. And she's got alopecia. So... not a happy homelife. David Brent: I don't live by "The Rules" you know, and if there's one person who has influenced me in that way of thinking, someone who is a maverick, someone who does 'that' to the system then it's Ian Botham. Tim: Ok now guys, we're about to enter a warehouse environment now. I'll just warn you that some of the people in here will be working class. So there may be some arse cleavage. Just find a partner, hold hands and don't talk to anyone. Gareth: He's a weird little bloke! Look at his cartoon face and his hair, he looks like a Fisher Price man, and his rubbish clothes... it makes me think there's something wrong with you for a start but yet in my head I'd still do you so I'm confused. David Brent: What would Lenny Henry say? I think we know - imagine him going out of the door and Dawn French is going 'Where you going? You haven't done the washing up, you haven't put the rubbish out-' 'Do it yourself! I gotta go and save some Africans!' Chris Finch: Give me half hour with her I'd be up to me nuts in guts. David Brent: Me, lager. Finchy, Lager. Gareth, lager sometimes cider, so different drinks for different... needs. David Brent: If a good man comes to me, and says thank you David, for the opportunity and continued support in the work-related arena, but I've done that, I wanna better myself, I wanna move on, then I can make that dream come true, to, AKA, for you.