Walt Price:
It's not a lie. It's a gift for fiction.
Joseph Turner White:
How do I do a film called "The Old Mill" when I don't have an old mill?
Ann Black:
Well, first you've got to change the title.
Walt Price:
Who designed these costumes? It looks like Edith Head puked, and that puke designed these costumes.
Ann Black:
Everybody makes their own fun. If you don't make it yourself, it isn't fun. It's entertainment.
Marty Rossen:
I'm going to rip your heart out, then I'm going to piss on your lungs through the hole in your chest! And the best to Marian...
Doc Wilson:
It's the truth that you should never trust anybody who wears a bow tie. Cravat's supposed to point down to accentuate the genitals. Why'd you wanna trust somebody whose tie points out to accentuate his ears?
Joseph Turner White:
What's an associate producer credit?
Bill Smith:
It's what you give to your secretary instead of a raise.
[Why he lusts for 14 year old girls]
Bob Barrenger:
Everybody needs a hobby.
Joseph Turner White:
You like kids?
Ann Black:
Never saw the point of 'em.
Joseph Turner White:
Me neither.
Joseph Turner White:
You believe that?
Ann Black:
I do if you do.
Joseph Turner White:
But it's absurd.
Ann Black:
So is our electoral process. But we still vote.
Bob Barrenger:
I know my lines.
Walt Price:
You do?
Bob Barrenger:
I just don't know what order they come in.
Walt Price:
This is what my people died for... the right to make a movie in this town.
Walt Price:
What does he like?
Bill Smith:
14-year-old girls.
Walt Price:
Well, get him something else. We want to get out of this town alive. Get him half a 28-year-old girl. How's my math?
Ann Black:
"If you were never down, how would you know when you were up?"
28
Joe White
fd5
:
You have a gift for words.
Ann Black:
It's in your play.
Marty Rossen:
Get him some... Maple syrup.
Walt Price:
Maple syrup. Grows on trees.
Marty Rossen:
Actually, it's an extract of the tree.
Claire Wellesley:
I'm not a child! I have feelings!
Walt Price:
And we're going to sue you for a billion dollars.
Joe White:
What cause?
Walt Price:
I don't need a cause, I just need a lawyer!
[after emerging from an upside-down station wagon he has just crashed]
Bob Barrenger:
So, that happened.
Marty Rossen:
And how are you getting along with these fine people?
Walt Price:
Like dykes and dogs!
[Marty eats a piece of bread]
Marty Rossen:
Mm, this is good. Have you tried it?
Walt Price:
Oh, like I'm really going to eat carbohydrates.
Joseph Turner White:
Ever wonder why the Dalmatian's the symbol of the firehouse?
Ann Black:
First organized fire department was on the border of Dalmatia and Sardinia in the year 642.
Joseph Turner White:
That's why the Dalmatian?
Ann Black:
It was either that, or a sardine.
Bunky:
Well, it takes all kinds.
Spud:
That's what it takes? I always wondered what it took.
Marty Rossen:
If your memory was as long as your dick, you'd be in good shape.
Walt Price:
What does that woman WANT from life?
Marty Rossen:
She wants $800,000 to show her tits.
Tommy Max:
My wife is going to have a baby.
Walt Price:
Oh, good, let's bring more people into this overcrowded world.
Ann Black:
You know what you got there? You got a fishhook in your finger. I'm right proud of you.
Walt Price:
Hey, did you see the grosses for Gandhi 2?
[last lines]
Bob Barrenger:
Beats workin'.
Walt Price:
How are we coming with the dead horse scene?
Marty Rossen:
You can't actually kill the horse.
Walt Price:
Aw, fuck me!
Production Assistant:
Your wife's on the phone.
Walt Price:
I have no wife!
Walt Price:
39
Marty, we got a new town. It's uh... Where are we?
fcc
Bill Smith:
Waterford, Vermont.
Walt Price:
Waterford, Vermont. Where is it? THAT'S where it is.
Tommy Max:
I'm very sorry, I...
Walt Price:
You're very sorry, you passive-aggressive, son-of-a-bitch... Can we replace him?
Bill Smith:
We start shooting in three days.
Walt Price:
What's in the bag?
Marty Rossen:
My undies, cause, you can't get this film off on time I'm gonna wet myself.
Tommy Max:
My wife is having a baby...
[Walt stares at him irritated]
Walt Price:
Thank you for keeping me current.
Postman:
Doc, those pills you gave me; I'm not sure that they work.
Doc Wilson:
Well I'm not sure either, but you don't hear me complain.
Walt Price:
Would you like a cigar?
Mayor George Bailey:
Aren't these illegal?
Walt Price:
Why would they be illegal?
Mayor George Bailey:
Well, the trade embargo with Cuba.
Walt Price:
Nobody tells me anything.
Decorator:
Do you want to see the firemen's costumes? Because i found this mole skin for the color...
Production Assistant:
Marty Rossen has touched down
Walt Price:
Okay.
Decorator:
It's not black but it looks black. it's not brown...
Walt Price:
Yep, it's faggy without being homosexual.
Doug Mackenzie:
You have a date, they call, you're doing business nine at o'clock at night.
Ann Black:
I wasn't doing business.
Doug Mackenzie:
Oh, well what were you doing then that was so important that you shouldn't call your fianc...
Ann Black:
I... have to tell you that it is all over between us, Doug. I met somebody else, and it's very serious, and it's over.
Doug Mackenzie:
Wait, so serious you couldn't call me and tell you'd be... what?
Bill Smith:
It's Marty, he's on the coast.
Walt Price:
On the coast? Of course he's on the coast, where would he be, The Hague?
Ann Black:
And here's some hydrogen peroxide.
Joseph Turner White:
I don't drink.
Ann Black:
It's for your finger.
Walt Price:
[ruefully] And I was just paying off my spread in Montana.