校园蓝调 (1999)

Mox:

I don't want your life!

Charlie Tweeder:

Jonathan Moxon your are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your clothes and get in the car.

Billy Bob:

I sure do love that dog.

Mox:

I think it's a pig.

Billy Bob:

Yeah.

Miss Davis:

Now I want y'all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina!

Miss Davis:

Can anyone tell me a common slang term for the male erection?

Student:

Boner? Is boner one?

Miss Davis:

Yes! Boner is good, boner is very good!

Billy Bob:

[staring at Miss Davis's breasts] Miss Davis, would you go to the prom with me?

Jonathon "Mox' Moxon:

If we go out and half-ass it 'cause we're scared, then we'll always wonder if we were really good enough. But if we go out there and give it all we've got... that's heroic. You guys wanna be heroes?

Jonathon "Mox' Moxon:

The male erection. Pitchin' a tent, sportin' a wood, stiffie, flesh rocket, tall tommy, Mr. Morbis, the march is on, icycle has formed, Jack's magic beanstalk, rigor mortis has set in, Mr. Mushroom-head, mushroom on a stick, purple headed yogurt slinger... oh, and a pedro.

Miss Davis:

...a pedro?

Mox:

yeah, uh huh.

Coach Bud Kilmer:

You got to be the dumbest smart kid I know.

Charlie Tweeder:

Ladies, shut up and hold on to your nipples!

Charlie Tweeder:

Will you listen to me? Bitches are all just panty droppers. You understand? That's it.

Mox:

What?

Charlie Tweeder:

Listen. You give 'em Percocet, two Vicoden and a couple of beers, and the panties drop. It's very nice.

Mox:

[laughing] It's nice.

Charlie Tweeder:

[emphatically] It's nice.

Mox:

Tweeder, you think you'll enjoy prison?

Charlie Tweeder:

2b

[not paying attention]

ff7

I don't know.

[looks up]

Charlie Tweeder:

What?

Sam Moxon:

I raised you to be a winner, so dammit boy, win!

Charlie Tweeder:

Hey you wanna see the new Tweeder end zone dance?

[Tweeder dances]

Charlie Tweeder:

You know what it's called?

Mox:

What?

Charlie Tweeder:

The new Tweeder end zone dance.

Charlie Tweeder:

[Mooning Mox and Billy Bob through the truck window] Good moonin! Good moonin! I have been up since the crack of dawn and I had to *ass* you a question.

Billy Bob:

A 10... a 10... a fucking 10!

Mox:

I'm a good boy. I've always been good. What's my upside to being good? (looks at at box of condoms) I'm 18 years old. It's not like I'm married to her. She invited me over. I'm just being polite, right Kyle? Kyle?

Kyle:

I only answer to one name. Ali-Actabaor-Shabaz-Da.

Mox:

That's a bunch of names.

Kyle:

There is only one god. All praise and honor be to allah.

Mox:

Yeah. Well, would allah nail Darcy if he had the chance? I think so.

Charlie Tweeder:

Say I'm stupid and I'm about to get hit in the nuts.

Billy Bob:

That's funny.

Charlie Tweeder:

Ain't it funny? That's what I mean. See they need to change the name of the show to America's funniest shots in the nuts.

Bud Kilmer:

It makes me wonder if you know the different between a sneeze and a wet fart!

Police Officer:

These kids there just running around wild these days. Them kids last night they stole a cop car.

Bar Man:

NO?

Police Officer:

Yes! Them boys been exposing themselves!

Bar Man:

Exposing themselves?

Police Officer:

Yes! They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club, while the ladies were rehearsing the Christmas pageant.

Bar Man:

They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club?

Bud Kilmer:

Never show weakness, the only pain that matters is the pain you inflict.

Bud Kilmer:

The hard work of so many, sacrificed by the disrespect of few.

Tweeder:

Well we're all naked in there and we've got handcuffs and cool shit to play with so take off your clothes and get in the car.

Mo Moxon:

Kyle, did you start a cult?

Kyle:

Yup.

Mo Moxon:

That is so sweet!

Darcy:

Baby I got so excited thinking about next year and Florida state and the future, I think I need to be your wide receiver

Lance:

Here baby

Darcy:

Well not "here" here, but somewhere here.

Billy Bob:

It's a strip club, man. I'm here to work!

2e

Charlie Tweeder

c5d

:

[singing] "She broke my heart, so I broke her jaw."

Mox:

Mox: Troy, do you think you will enjoy prison?

Charlie Tweeder:

[after stealing a cop car] I'm going to jail!

Charlie Tweeder:

[after stealing a cop car] I'm gonna go to jail!

Coach Bud Kilmer:

Your daddy was a no-talent pussy, but at least he listened!