Skip Skipperton: You've fallen in love with one of your patients? - Doc! It's not me is it? Dr. Mumford: What! No, Skip. It's not you, but I like you a lot. Henry Follett: She kept yammering all the time, but her hips were doing all the talking. Dr. Mumford: Sofie, lie down. Most people do. Sofie Crisp: I'd better not. I'll fall right to sleep. I think it's a bit too soon for me to be sleeping with you. Jeremy Brockett: Are you a man who likes to treat himself right? Dr. Mumford: I've had my moments. Jeremy Brockett: Well, I am. And I'm not ashamed of it. Nobody ever said on their deathbed, "I treated myself too well." Dr. Mumford: I thought it was, "Nobody ever said I should have spent more time at the office." Jeremy Brockett: Fill in the blanks. I don't mind the office. The point is you only go around once. So, like the Zen say, "Be here now." Dr. Mumford: I am not now, nor have I ever been, a psychologist. Martin Brockett: Have you come across a bigger shithead than my stepfather? Lily: I've had it with men. They are so fascinated by their own crap. It took me four years to get the last one out. These days my idea of a hot date is a long shower by myself before bed. Sofie Crisp: Hello Mother. I want you to meet Dr. Mumford. Mrs. Crisp: Mumford? Like the town? Mrs. Crisp: What kind of doctor are you? Dr. Mumford: Ph.D. in psychology. Mrs. Crisp: Oh. Not a real doctor. Dr. Mumford: That's right, the fake kind. Skip Skipperton: Are you telling me that your last job before becoming a psychologist was an investigator for the IRS? Dr. Mumford: Everybody has a story, Skip. Skip Skipperton: Seems like you got the variety pack. Dr. Mumford: I had no friends and I didn't talk to my family. The only constant stabilizing force in my life was drugs. Skip Skipperton: An IRS investigator with a drug problem! Dr. Mumford: In a free society you are what you say you are. If you screwed up on life, sometimes you can get another shot.
: This shrink school you went to, did you hear about it in an infomercial? Althea Brockett: Why do I feel so elated? Am I in denial? Althea Brockett: You know what this feels like? - When I was in high school the thing I wanted most when I was stuck in class, the thing that I was desperately in pursuit of, was a hall pass. That's all I ever wanted. I loved moving freely around the school while everybody else was trapped in there. That's how I feel right now. Like I have some giant - all day - hall pass. Dr. Mumford: Skip, you know that it is improper, completely unethical, for a licensed psychologist to carry on a romantic relationship with one of his patients. Skip Skipperton: I guess it makes sense. Dr. Mumford: Yes. Yes, it does. Lily: I watched 20/20, it was shocking! Did you know the government is wasteful? Dr. Mumford: [to Hope] Are you positive your mother's a bitch? Sofie Crisp: [to Mumford] You actually address yourself by name in your thoughts? Skip Skipperton: Do you know how I spend my every single solitary moment? Dr. Mumford: Jerking off? Skip Skipperton: No, that's a good guess though! Skip Skipperton: I wish I could live in the shower. Skip Skipperton: I may be young, but Doc, I can tell you that I'm very immature. Skip Skipperton: [to Mumford] Oh, she doesn't know about it yet. Right now, out of the two of us, I'm the only one in love. But I'm really stoked! Dr. Mumford: I noticed Something. For some reason, probably because I was too stoned to talk, everywhere I went people would talk to me. Tell me everything. Their problems, their inner most thoughts. Sometimes they needed advice, but most of the people just wanted someone to listen. Dr. Ernest Delbanco: ...no one can escape the fear of death. It is, as William James put it, 'the worm at the core,' and try as we may to forget or ignore our own mortality, the skull will grin in at the banquet. Skip Skipperton: Far out