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Angel:
[after biting the new link to the Senior Partners] Wow! You really are full of it.
Kate Lockley:
I feel like such an idiot.
Angel:
Lotta that going around.
Lorne the Host:
And besides, we all know you got a thing for ex-cheerleaders.
Cordelia:
You would dare to defy me?
Angelus:
Defy who? A big, scary voice? Whoa. Hey, I got one of those, too, you wanna hear it?
[Talks into his hands]
Angelus:
You can kiss my vampire ass. That do anything for you?
Angelus:
Defy who? A big, scary voice? Whoa! Hey, I've got one of those, too. You want to hear it? You can kiss my vampire ass! That do anything for ya?
Cordelia:
Angel started the day over knowing he'd remember everything that happened?
Allen Francis Doyle:
It's pretty amazing, huh?
Cordelia:
Amazing he didn't check the stock quotes or the lotto numbers!
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
If anything happens to Cordelia because of me...
Angel:
Nothing's gonna happen to Cordelia. I won't allow it.
Angel:
How could The Powers allow you to be brought back, dangle a second chance then take it away like this?
Darla:
Maybe this is my second chance.
Angel:
To die?
Darla:
Yes. To die. They way I was supposed to die in the first place.
Cordelia:
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Darla. It's all about Darla. One thing you can say about Angel, at least he's consistent it's always some little blonde driving him over the edge.
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Cordelia:
Soup and salad, too? What is going on here?
Angel:
I forgot what you liked.
Cordelia:
Why didn't you ask me?
Angel:
Well, you said, why is everyone asking you if they can get you anything, and I didn't wanna do that.
Cordelia:
So you did this instead.
Angel:
Yup.
Cordelia:
I love you.
Angel:
I don't wanna research, all right? I wanna jump through the big swirly hole thingy and save Cordelia.
Wesley:
We might never be able to get back!
Angel:
It's Cordy.
Angel:
What, is it out of batteries? Is the thing out of batteries?
Lorne the Host:
I don't know. I don't know how it works!
Angel:
Dammit! I just got her back.
Wes:
Fred, I tried to kill you.
Fred:
That wasn't you.
Wes:
How can you know that? Something inside me was forced to the surface. Something primal, something.
Fred:
Do you wanna kill me?
Wes:
Oh, God, no.
Fred:
It wasn't something in you, Wesley. It was something that was done to you.
Wes:
I don't know what kind of man I am anymore.
Fred:
Well, I do. You're a good man.
Angel:
I'm more afraid of her dying than she is? What is that?
Voices:
Love.
Angel:
Oh, yeah. I saw their production of Giselle in Cried like a baby. And I was evil!
Fred:
And then we gotta find a dress for you. Something that'll make Angel crazy.
Cordelia:
Fred, sweetie, Angel *is* crazy.
Angel:
You all right?
Cordelia:
Yeah. We gotta move.
Angel:
You think they're not dead?
Cordelia:
You just looked really hot doing that.
Angel:
Oh.
Cordelia:
Yeah.
Angel:
Run.
Cordelia:
I'm not telling your sixteen-year-old boy that.
Angel:
Well, someone has to make sure he knows the facts of life. My track record with the whole man/woman thing isn't, you know I don't wanna use the words tragic farce but...
Cordelia:
I know my ABC's, my history, I know who's President, and that I sorta wish I didn't.
Cordelia:
I kinda have filled out even more.
Fred:
And I apparently ain't gonna.
Connor:
So Vampire Slayers. I was told about them. How come you're always girls?
Faith:
I don't know. Better at it, I guess.
Jasmine:
And look what free will has gotten you.
Angel:
Hey, I didn't say we were smart. I said it's our right. It's what makes us human.
Jasmine:
But you're not human.
Angel:
Working on it.
Harmony:
Just since you're all soulful now, I thought maybe, just maybe, you might've learned to open up a little. You know, talk? But I guess the leopard can't change his stripes.
Spike:
Spots, you dink. Leopards have spots.
Harmony:
Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Brainy. Thank you so much for sharing. Wow. What a breakthrough.
Fred:
Kind of cool, physiologically. They reproduce by vomiting up crystals that attract and mutate the microbes around them to form eggs.
Wesley:
Are you trying to turn me on?
Spike:
Back in the lab, she was standing right there in front of me, but there was no scent. Nothing. It's like she wasn't even there.
Angel:
I know.
Spike:
Look, I want Fred back as much as any of us but seeing her there, like that, maybe she really is.
Angel:
No. I lost Cordelia because some thing violated her. It crawled inside, used her up. No way in hell am I letting that happen again.
Harmony:
The girl of your dreams loved you. That's more than most people ever get.
Wesley:
I know. But it isn't enough.
Angel:
What the hell did you do?
Wes:
What I had to.
Angel:
I don't remember seeing stab Gunn on the agenda this morning.
Wes:
I avoided the major organs. He'll probably live.
Angel:
Is that supposed to make it all right?
Wes:
Nothing is all right! Nothing will ever be all right.
Wesley:
She doesn't understand our world. She needs someone to guide her. She needs.
Angel:
When was the last time you slept? You're not her savior. I need you here, working, not off drinking yourself into a coma, chasing ghosts. Fred's dead, Wes. You're still alive. Start acting like it.
Angel:
I don't remember what it was like. Being human. It was too long ago.
Harmony:
Not so great. Zits. Dandruff. Mortality. Although I do remember my heart. And the way it would thump when I kissed a really hot boy for the first time. That was cool.
Angel:
What?
Cordelia:
What?
Angel:
What do you want to say?
Cordelia:
Ah, me? Nothing. What makes you think I wanna...
Angel:
'caus
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e I know you?
Cordelia:
Well, it's really - none of my business.
Angel:
And that always stops you.
Cordelia:
Actually, it is my business, *our* business, because we're trying to do a job here, and what affects you affects me, and - anyway, I don't like to see you suffer more than you have to. I don't think you should blame yourself, or feel guilty for her death.
Angel:
I don't.
Cordelia:
Good. Glad to hear it.
Angel:
I didn't even know who she was when I killed her.
Cordelia:
Not her. Angel...
Angel:
Oh... you - you want to talk about...
Cordelia:
She was the love of your life and she died. And... you weren't there when it happened. You couldn't help her fight. You couldn't save her. You couldn't die with her. This is gonna be one of those talks where I do all the talking, isn't it? Well, I'm not gonna pry. It's not my style. Okay, it's totally my style, but I can tell that I'm not getting anywhere right now. But you have to tell me one thing. You owe me this much. What the hell happened with Holtz?
Spike:
Look, I don't know if you know this, but... I killed my mum. Actually, I'd already killed her, then she came on to me...
Wes:
If you've come to tell me you killed your parents, could it wait until another time?
Lorne the Host:
[aout Gene wanting to freeze time in a "perfect" moment] It just don't work, Gene-y. It's like a song. Now, I can hold a note for a long time - actually, I can hold a note forever - but, eventually, that's just noise. It's the *change* we're listening for, the note coming after, and the one after that. That's what makes it music.
Magnus Hainsley:
Control, that's all anyone really wants. Isn't it...
Gunn:
Look, I say if things are quiet, let 'em be quiet.
Wesley:
Quiet may me good for mankind, but bad for business.
Spike:
Where you going?
Angel:
To see my lawyer.
Angel:
This isn't the answer, Darla.
Darla:
You don't even know the question.
Buffy:
I have someone in my life now. That I love. It's not what you and I had. It's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him. I know him.
Wesley:
There's obviously not going to be any big swirly hole jumping without a big swirly hole.
Angel:
An ant with the best intentions or the most diabolical schemes is just exactly an ant.
[while fighting Angel]
Faith:
I'm evil! I'm bad! Just do it... just kill me!
Fred:
We stopped "a nefarious plan for global domination" not "world peace," right?
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Cordelia
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:
[Angel is leering at Cordelia] Ok, it's getting creepy now.
Angel:
I was just thinking about things. About people, how they relate. Take you and me, for instance. You know, we're very different. VERY different, obviously. Human, vampire. Woman, man... pire.
Cordelia:
Has someone been putting vodka in your blood?
Angel:
[nervous laughter] You're funny! And I, well I get off a good one every once in awhile, but you!
Allen Francis Doyle:
High school's over, bud. You gotta make with the grown-up talk now.
Angel:
Why would a woman I've never met even talk to me?
Allen Francis Doyle:
Have you looked in the mirror lately? No, I guess you really haven't, no.
Allen Francis Doyle:
It's not just saving lives, it's saving souls.
Angel:
You don't smell human.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Well, that's a bit rude. As it happens I'm very much human...
[He sneezes, demon face emerging]
Allen Francis Doyle:
... on my mother's side.
Angel:
[to Doyle] Where'd you pick up computer skills?
Cordelia:
Downloading pictures of naked women?
Allen Francis Doyle:
Well, that's more or less accurate.
Allen Francis Doyle:
This isn't a marketing seminar, princess. You know, we need to operate a little bit more below radar?
Cordelia:
What radar?
Allen Francis Doyle:
The police. You know the service our friend Angel provides? Well, it puts 'em in mind of the 'V' word.
Cordelia:
Vampire?
Allen Francis Doyle:
No, vigilante.
Allen Francis Doyle:
One of us has been drinking, and I'm sad to say it isn't me.
Angel:
So, how was your summer? Mine was fun. Saw some fish, went mad with hunger, hallucinated a whole bunch.
Connor:
You deserved worse.
Angel:
Cause I killed Holtz. Except I didn't. I tried telling you that while you were busy off shore dumping me, but I didn't know the whole score. Holtz killed himself. Actually, he had your buddy Justine do it with an ice pick, just to make you hate me.
Connor:
Even if... you still deserved it.
Angel:
What I deserve is open to debate. But understand, there's a difference between wishing vengeance on someone, and taking it. So now the question becomes, what do you deserve?
[Connor gets up from the chair in a rush and tries to run out the door, but Angel slams him across the room, into the wall, where Connor falls to the ground]
Angel:
Daddy's not finished talking.
Lorne:
Maybe you have some type of puppet cancer.
Angel:
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I do not have puppet cancer! Come on, guys. This is serious. I'm a puppet, and there are children's lives at -
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[sees Smile Time playing on the TV]
Angel:
Hey, it's Smile Time!
Ilona Costa Bianchi:
And you, what an honor. The great Angelus.
Angel:
Actually, it's just Angel.
Ilona Costa Bianchi:
Ah, yes, of course. The Gypsies, they gave you your soul. The Gypsies are filthy people.
[spits]
Ilona Costa Bianchi:
And we shall speak of them no more.
Spike:
[looking down at the scene unfolding in the alley]
[high voice]
Spike:
How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing?
Spike:
[low voice] No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair! Never the hair!
Spike:
[high voice] But there must be some way I can show my appreciation.
Spike:
[low voice] No, helping those in need is my job, and working up a load of sexual tension, and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough!
Spike:
[high voice] I understand, I have a nephew who's gay.
Spike:
[low voice] Say no more. Evil's still afoot and I'm almost out of that Nancy-bot hair-gel that I like so much. Quickly to the Angelmobile, away!
Angel:
What the hell are you doing?
Gunn:
What needs to be done.
Angel:
What you did to me was unbelievable, Connor. but then, I once got stuck in a hell dimension by my girlfriend for 100 years so I guess a few months under the ocean gave me perspective. Kind of an M. C. Esher perspective. But I did get time to think: about us, about the world. Nothing in the world is the way it ought to be. It's harsh, it's cruel, and that's why there's us. Champions. Doesn't matter where we come from or what we've done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as if the world is as it should be, to show it what it can be. You're not a part of that yet. I hope you will be.
[Angel walks right up to Connor and stares at him]
Angel:
I love you, Connor. Now get out of my house.
[Connor leaves]
Cordelia:
I am somebody. I matter. People will be attracted to my positive energy and help me achieve my goals. I'm right where I'm supposed to be and not dying for something to eat.
Allen Francis Doyle:
You need to chat people up a little more casual like, you know? "What's your name? How's life treatin' you? What's that, you say? Minions from hell getting you down?"
Cordelia:
Excuse me, but I am an actress, a student of the human animal. I don't have to talk to people to know their stories. Jazz Hands, over there? Mama's boy, Peter Pan complex. Self-absorbed closet dyke with a big The World Owes Me chip on her shoulder, and check out Sarah Plain and Tall, has or comes from big money.
Allen Francis Doyle<
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/b>:
How do you know all that?
Cordelia:
Well, you've got to be rich to snag the Calvin Klein model she's leaving with.
Angel:
[to Spike] Don't you have to go save the world from people like... you.
Angel:
The Gateway for Lost Souls... is under the post office?
Allen Francis Doyle:
Eh, it makes sense, if you think about it.
Angel:
I feel something coming, Doyle - I don't know what. But I know we're a part of it.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Well, if it's a fight they want... can't someone else give it to 'em? Just seems unfair, you know? You gotta save all the helpless-types around here, and now you gotta fight the Apocalypse as well?
Angel:
It's all the same thing. Fight the good fight, whichever way you can.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Tell you what - you fight, and I'll keep score.
Allen Francis Doyle:
The idea of sudden family obligations with guys who looked like big, blue pin-cushions... it was just a little too much to take right then.
Cordelia:
Why didn't you tell me you were half-demon? I thought we agreed that secrets are bad.
Allen Francis Doyle:
I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. Thought if I did, you'd reject me.
Cordelia:
I've rejected you way before now. So you're half-demon - big whoop. I can't believe you think I'd care about that. I mean, I work for a vampire, hello?
Cordelia:
I mean, you're half-demon, that is so far down the list. Way under short... and poor... is there anything else I should know?
Allen Francis Doyle:
Half-demon thing - pretty much my big secret.
Cordelia:
Good. That's out. It's done. Would you ask me out for dinner already?
Allen Francis Doyle:
Yeah?
Barney:
First off, you should know, right away, before there's any misunderstanding - I'm a demon.
Angel:
I appreciate your candor.
Cordelia:
I didn't ask for this responsibility, unlike some people, who shall remain lifeless.
Cordelia:
Are you all right, Wesley?
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
No. These pants tend to chafe one's - legs.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
I'm going to thrash you within an inch of your life - and then I'm going to take that inch.
Allen Francis Doyle:
I'm finally free to go and make my mark on the world.
Cordelia:
We had a cat that used to do that.
[speaking of Cordelia]
Allen Francis Doyle:
She'll provide a connection to the world. She's got a very... humanizing influence.
Angel:
You think she's a hottie.
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Allen Francis Doyle
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:
Yeah, she's a stiffener all right. I can't lie about that.
Cordelia:
I guess the single life is particularly tough on you. A couple hundred years ago, the only thing you had to worry about was a hangover. Today, because of your curse thingy, you can't sleep with anyone or else you might feel a moment of true happiness and lose your soul, become evil - again - and kill everyone.
Angel:
Thanks, Cordelia. I always appreciate your perspective.
Cordelia:
Hey, the last thing I want is to show up at the office and find that I'm working for a homicidal monster.
Cordelia:
So, um, are you still...
[baring her teeth and making claws]
Cordelia:
"GRRR"?
Angel:
Yeah, there's not actually a cure for that.
Cordelia:
This plant was thriving just this morning. Now look at it. I'm telling you, where she leads, dark forces follow.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Buffy gave it mites?
Cordelia:
How else do you explain it?
Allen Francis Doyle:
Jealousy?
Cordelia:
I'm jealous of her? Please.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Just a theory.
Cordelia:
People really do change.
Angel:
Yes, they do. And sometimes, they change back. If the day ever comes that I...
Cordelia:
Oh, I'll kill you dead.
Angel:
Thanks.
Cordelia:
What are friends for?
Allen Francis Doyle:
The only money in my family is underneath the couch cushions. Not to mention the fact that half of them are demons.
Angel:
Only two of them are.
Cordelia:
What is stalking nowadays, like, the third most popular sport among men?
Angel:
Fourth, after luge.
Angel:
There are three things I don't do: tan, date and sing in public.
Angel:
I hate waiting. You got anybody to eat around here?
Angel:
[to Lindsey] If this is a trick, just know I'll be coming back for you. Hell, I might be coming back for you anyway.
Cordelia:
Wow, what a nice place. Love your curtains. Not afraid to emphasize the curtains.
Cordelia:
You need somebody to organize things, and you're not exactly rolling in it, Mr. "I was alive for 200 years and never developed an investment portfolio".
Angel:
I don't want to share my feelings. I don't want to open up. I want to find Russell and I want to look him in the eye.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Then what?
Angel:
Then I'm going to share my feelings.
Cordelia:
A cockroach. In the corner. I think it's a bantamweight.
Cordelia:
Are you troubled? Or is that your lazy eye? Anyway, call us, we are very discreet.
Cordelia:
That is so high school. "Cordelia wears bras. Ooo, she has girlie-parts.
Kate Lockley:
Way to come off like a drunken slut. Slut's better than hypocrite, right?
Angel:
Kind of hard on yourself.
Kate Lockley:
That's me. Self-flagellating-hypocrite-slut.
Cordelia:
It moves from body to body. And when it leaves one for the next, not going to gag here, the first one goes kaplooey pretty fast.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Curdles like cream on a hot day.
Cordelia:
I believe I covered that with non-dairy "kaplooey"?
Angel:
This socializing thing is brutal. I was young once, I used to go to bars. It wasn't anything like this.
Allen Francis Doyle:
You used to go to taverns. Small towns, where everybody used to know each other.
Cordelia:
Yeah, like high school. It was easy to date there. We all had so much in common. Being monster food every other week, for instance.
Cordelia:
I think the trick is laying off the ale before you start quoting Angela's Ashes and weeping like a baby-man.
Cordelia:
See girl in distress. See Angel save girl from druggy-stalker-boyfriend.
Cordelia:
I couldn't get comfortable in here if the floor was lined with mink. How can you live like this?
Allen Francis Doyle:
I didn't until last week. Then I saw what you did with your place and I just had to call my decorator.
Cordelia:
No way. My apartment is nowhere near this yucky. It smells like bong-water in here.
Spike:
It's called addiction, Angel. We all have it. I believe yours is called Slutty the Vampire Slayer.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Think of it, man, poolside tanning, bargain matinees, plus I know a couple of strip clubs that have a fabulous luncheon buffet... I've heard.
Allen Francis Doyle:
I bet he's out hangin'-ten right now, out on the sandy shore at Malibu. Wind in his hair, bikini babes a-whistlin'.
Spike:
Caught me fair and square, white hat. I guess there is nothing to do now but go quietly and pay my debt to society.
Spike:
To coin a popular Sunnydale phrase, "duh".
[Wesley and Cordelia impersonate Angel and Buffy]
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
Kiss me.
Cordelia:
Bite me.
[Wesley grabs Cordelia and pretends to bite her neck, growling]
Angel:
You can both bite me.
Cordelia:
This isn't a needle in a haystack, this is a needle in Kansas.
Angel:
I don't know about you, but I had a nice day. You know, except for the bulk of it, where I was nearly tortured to death.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Yeah, well, you stood up.
Angel:
Oh, God. I was this close to telling him everything. I mean, one more hot poker and I was giving him the ring, your mom, EVERYTHING.
[beat]
Angel:
How is your mom?
Angel:
Am I intimidating?
Cordelia:
As vampires go, you're pretty cuddly. Maybe you might want to think about mixing up the black-on-black look.
Allen Francis Doyle:
He likes playing the hero. Walking off into the dark, his long coat flowing behind him in that mysterious and attractive way.
Cordelia:
Is this a private moment? I could leave you alone.
Allen Francis Doyle:
I'm not saying I'm attracted...
Angel:
I'm not comfortable asking people for money.
Cordelia:
Then get over it. I mean that in a sensitive way.
Cordelia:
It's just so unfair. Here's this poor girl. She hooks up with a doctor. That's supposed to be a good thing. You should be able to call home and say "Hey, mom, guess what? I've met a doctor." Not, "Guess what? I met a psycho and he's stalking me and oh, by the way, his hands and feet come off and he's not even in the circus.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Protect and serve. It's entirely my bag.
Cordelia:
[answering phone] Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless.
[Later on... ]
Allen Francis Doyle:
[answering phone] Angel Investigations. We hope you're helpless.
Wes:
To family.
Angel:
To family.
Lorne:
As long as it is not mine.
Kate Lockley:
Our suspect will be a white male. To the observer he will not seem a monster. His victims put up little or no struggle, so it's likely that he is charming, attractive, but at his core he is a loner. Possibly a dual personality, who once the crime has been committed, retains no memory of the act. He will not view his victims as subhuman, rather it's himself that he views as something other than human, more than human, a superior species. Stalking his prey, getting to know them. It's unlikely that he'll be married, though he may have recently come off a long-term relationship that ended badly. We look for a precipitating event in cases such as this, and a painful breakup is always at the top of the list. Prior to failing this relationship may have marked an inactive period in our suspects life. He would have regarded it as a lifeline, his salvation, but once ended, it resulted in his recidivism. What is not in question is his experience. He's been doing this for a very long time, and he will do it again.
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:
[when she has no memory of her life] You have no idea how much this is killing me. I know my ABC's, my history. I know who's President and that I sort of wish I didn't. I know the name of every shoe store in the Beverly Center, but I don't even recognize the sound of my own name.
Cordelia:
I'm just glad we got to you before anything really bad happened. Well, I mean, besides the slavery and the super horrible beatings.
Wes:
[after accidentally hitting Angel with a a word when realizing he's a vampire] Sorry! I mean, hah!
Lawyer:
I'm sorry to interrupt. I just need to know if the Holbein Clan history was here. It was supposed to be faxed to my office.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
It can wait.
Lawyer:
These guys are really important. I just need... I mean, the whole company can't be working Miss Burkle's case.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
Of course.
[nonchalantly pulls a gun out of his desk and shoots the lawyer in the knee]
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
[to his secretary] Jennifer, please send anyone else who isn't working Miss Burkle's case to me.
Polo:
Screw edu-tainment!
Nina:
The vampire thing's kind of sexy.
Angel:
Well, then...
[grabs a huge sword]
Angel:
Let's take out some puppets.
Gunn:
Amanda, The Fell Brethren make Jim Jones look like a Sunday School teacher!
Amanda:
Who's Jim Jones?
Spike:
Strategy?
Angel:
Just hold my hand.
Spike:
St. Petersburg.
Angel:
Thought you'd forgotten.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Protecting young women such as yourself? Yeah, there've been four. And three of them are very much alive.
Kate Lockley:
This guy could go to jail tomorrow and still kill her in her dreams every night. I've put a few of these creeps away and the hardest thing is to know that he's still winning. She's still afraid. He took her power away and no one can get it back but her.
Cordelia:
I'm not a sniveling whiny little cry-Buffy. I'm the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history. I take crap from no one.
Cordelia:
Back off Polygrip. You think you're bad? All mean and haunty? Picking on poor pathetic Cordy? Well, get ready to haul your wrinkly translucent ass out of this place because, lady, the bitch is back.
Allen Francis Doyle:
[about Cordelia] She's really something, isn't she? It's like wrestling a tiger just to get to know her.
Allen Francis Doyle:
[re: his life story]
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Quite a tale it is, too. Full of ribald adventure and beautiful damsels with loose morals...
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Cordelia:
Your cousin called, with one of those names from your part of England.
Angel:
I think she's one of Cordelia's group. People called them the Cordettes. A bunch of girls from wealthy families. They ruled the high school. Decided what was in, who was popular. It was like the Soviet Secret Police if they cared a lot about shoes.
Cordelia:
My urination just hasn't been public enough lately.
Kate Lockley:
Thing about detectives is, they have resumes and business licences and last names. Pop stars and Popes, those are the one-name guys.
Angel:
You got me. I'm the Pope.
Allen Francis Doyle:
What about friendship and family and all the things that are priceless like they say in that credit card commercial?
Kate Lockley:
Where's the truth? He's hiding behind Mr. Humor. Look at Doyle, really look at him, what do you see?
Cordelia:
A bad double-poly blend?
Kate Lockley:
That's defense, Cordelia. Maybe you should open your heart to a new possibility.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Hey, you know, she's starting to make some sense...
Kate Lockley:
In my day we didn't need any damn sensitivity.
Kate Lockley:
He forgot how to be anything but a cop a long time ago. Maybe that's why I became a cop too. After Mom died, you stopped. It was like you couldn't stand the sight of me. Her face, her eyes looking up at you. But big girls don't cry, right? You said, gone's gone and there's no use wallowing. Worms and dirt and nothing forever. Not one word about a better place. You couldn't even tell a scared little girl a beautiful lie. God, I wanted to drink with you. I wanted you to laugh with me just once, the way you laughed with Jimmy, or Frank... My best friend, Joanne, her mom was soft and she smelled like macaroni and cheese and she'd pick me up on her lap and she would rock me. She said that she wanted to keep me to herself. She said that I was good and sweet. Everybody said I was. Do you realise that you've never told me that I'm pretty? Not once in my life?
Fred:
[to Wes in a dream] Don't you understand that I'm gone?
Cordelia:
Mr. and Mrs. Spock need to mind-meld now.
Cordelia:
Am I wrong in thinking that a "please" and "thank you" is generally considered good form when requesting a dismemberment?
Cordelia:
You do remember leaving us in the sewer with a giant calamari?
Cordelia:
Do you think that tentacle spew comes out with dry cleaning?
Cordelia:
You stink of whammy.
Angel:
I wanted to, you know, thank you so much for going through those coroner reports, because I can imagine how not fun it is to read about, you know, coroner stuff.
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:
Lame.
Spivey:
I heard it was suicide.
Kate Lockley:
Supervisor Caffrey shot himself?
Spivey:
It happens.
Kate Lockley:
In the back of the head? Wrapped himself in plastic and he locked himself in the trunk of his car?
Spivey:
He'd been depressed.
Angel:
My parents were great. Tasted a lot like chicken.
Cordelia:
I swore when I went down that road with Xander Harris, I'd rather be dead than date a fixer-upper again.
Allen Francis Doyle:
He's a demon? And she's all signed on to be Mrs. Demon? Tell me again how ugly he is?
Cordelia:
Doyle taught third grade? The kind with children? Are you sure he wasn't just held back and used that as his cover story?
Angel:
Where are you?
Cordelia:
In the netherworld known as the 818 area code.
Allen Francis Doyle:
You're marrying that guy?
Harriett:
I know, it's wild, huh? I'm definitely the yin to his yang, but it works. He's got a good heart, Francis, just like you.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Yeah, maybe, but the container? Can I get a side of bland with that bland?
Cordelia:
[re: Buffy and Angel] Let me explain the lore here, OK? They suffer, they fight, that's "business as usual." They get groiny with each other, the world as we know it falls apart.
Cordelia:
They didn't even have cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip when you were alive.
Angel:
I want some. Can you get that?
Cordelia:
It'll go straight to your thighs.
Cordelia:
[re: Angel] Where's the crabby scowl, the morbid gloom?
Buffy:
Oh boy, I was really jonesing for another heartbreaking sewer talk.
Female Oracle:
I like Time. There is so little and so much of it.
Cordelia:
I've decided not to feel sorry for myself. I'm taking matters into my own hands, organizing a little "going out of business" sale to subsidize the severance package Angel never bothered setting up for me.
Male Oracle:
Temporal folds are not to indulge the whims of lower beings.
Cordelia:
Would it kill him to put on some tights and a cape and garner us a little free publicity?
Allen Francis Doyle:
I don't see Angel putting on tights... Oh, now I do and it's really disturbing.
Cordelia:
This may look like a popular brand of breath freshener, but it's really a carefully disguised demon repellent.
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Cordelia:
What do you think I am, superficial?
Angel:
All those tattoos, all those new tricks you've learned just don't matter. Doesn't matter what you try. Doesn't matter where I am or how badass you think you've become. Because you know what? I'm Angel. I beat the bad guys.
Illyria:
To never die and to conquer all - *that* is winning.
Illyria:
A true ruler is as moral as a hurricane. Empty, but for the force of his gale.
Cordelia:
Okay, this is getting us nowhere. Angel, torture her.
Angel:
What?
Eve:
What?
Cordelia:
You heard me. Building's clearing out means we don't have a lot of time. Have at it.
Angel:
I can't just... torture her.
[Cordelia scoffs]
Fred:
He's right, Cordy. If we sink to their level, then
[Harmony grabs Eve throws her on the desk]
Angel:
Harmony!
Harmony:
Is this okay? I mean. I am evil, technically. I don't mind torturing her for the team.
Angel:
Yeah. Okay.
Knox:
Showtime
Spike:
Any seats left?
Angel:
If not, we can just stand in the back.
Knox:
Guys, you should scan the headlines here. You can't win this.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
Then we all die trying.
Illyria:
Why?
Angel:
You want the short version? Let's start with you walkin' around looking like the woman you murdered.
Illyria:
You think your actions will restore her.
Angel:
No.
Illyria:
Yet you seek a confrontation you cannot win.
Angel:
What you're trying to do... raise your army, reclaim your world... innocent people would die, like Fred. I can't let that happen.
Illyria:
You are the protector of these creatures?
Angel:
Yes.
Illyria:
You'd fight for their lives?
Angel:
Yes.
Illyria:
Even this one?
Knox:
Is that an issue? Is my life in peril, boss? King?
Angel:
You're about as low as it gets, Knox, but you're a part of humanity. That isn't always pretty, but it's a hell of a lot better than what came before. And if it comes down to a choice between you and him... then, yes, I would fight for his life just like any other human's... because that's what people do, that's what makes us...
[gunshot heard, Knox is hit and falls down dead]
Angel:
[to Wesley] Were you even listening?
Angel:
So, you're a freak. Boo-hoo. Get over it.
Gwen:
What?
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:
I think you figured out I'm not the poster-boy for normal. Sometimes, you just gotta let go.
[hits Elliott]
Gwen:
Hey. I wanted to do that.
Angel:
You were going to fry him.
Gwen:
Was not.
Angel:
Don't fib.
Gwen:
Lie. Did you at least break his nose?
Allen Francis Doyle:
Cordy, oppressed demon people here, not getting any safer.
Lorne the Host:
What's today... Thursday. The world's gonna end tomorrow.
Angel:
I'm not cheap, I'm just old. I remember when a few bob got you a good meal, a bottle and a tavern wench.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Is that it? Am I done?
Angel:
I know. I can tell. I've done enough lying for me to tell the difference. Truth has a better sound to it. Plus the nasal, you know? What you did to me was unbelievable Connor. Then, I got stuck in a hell dimension by my girlfriend one time for a hundred years, so a few months under the ocean actually gave me some perspective. Kind of a M.C. Esher perspective. But I did get time to think. About us. About the world. Nothing in the world is the way it aught to be. It's harsh. And cruel. That's why there's us. Champions. Doesn't matter where we come from, what we've done, suffered, or even if we make a difference, we live as though the world were as it should be. To show it what it can be. You're not apart of that yet. I hope you will be, I love you Connor. Now get out of my house.
Marcus:
What do you want, Angel?
Angel:
House in the country. A good pair of running shoes you can also wear out to dinner.
Host's Elder:
Each morning before I feed, I go into the hills where the ground is thorny, beat my breast and curse the day you were ever born.
Lorne the Host:
My mother.
Host's Elder:
Your father was right: we ate the wrong son.
Charles Gunn:
I never had to look so hard to find trouble before.
[to Wesley about Angel]
Cordelia:
You can always tell when he's happy, his scowl is a little less scowly
Darla:
No, I haven't been nourishing it. I haven't given this baby a thing. I'm dead. It's been nourishing me. These feelings that I'm having, they're not mine. They're coming from it.
Angel:
You don't know that.
Darla:
Of course I do. We both do. Angel, I don't have a soul. It does. And right now, that soul is inside of me but soon, it won't be. And then I won't be able to love it. I won't even be able to remember that I loved it. And I want to remember.
Lorne the Host:
This is way beyond my Ken... and my Barbie and all my action figures.
Angel:
Start talking.
Lorne the Host:
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About my dimension?... Sure, okay, lets see, er, I was there, I came here, I like it here, I don't wanna go there.
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Lorne the Host:
Remember when I said I loved this dimension and I said I was never, never, never gonna leave. Exactly which never did you not understand?
[In another dimension, Angel is unaffected by daylight]
Angel:
I'll start gathering some branches to cover up the car. Oh hey, look. There's some over in that patch of sun... I'll get 'em.
[rushes off]
Lorne the Host:
Oh am I glad to see you. You're so much less dead than I expected.
Angel:
What did they do to you?
Lorne the Host:
Well, first there was the welcome home parade in my honor, ticker tape, streamers. Honestly I was so touched I almost wept.
[pause]
Lorne the Host:
They locked me in a room, pushed me around, asked me a bunch of questions. Your standard film noir.
Angel:
Where's Darla?
Charles Gunn:
We tried to stop her by hitting her feet and fists with our faces?
Angel:
Darla.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
Darla?
Cordelia:
Darla?
Fred:
Who's Darla?
Gunn:
Angel's old flame, from way back.
Fred:
Not the one who died?
Gunn:
Yeah. No, not that one, the other one who died and came back to life. She's a vampire.
Fred:
Do y'all have a chart or somethin?
Gunn:
In the files, I'll get it for you later.
Lorne the Host:
Look, you're a big hunk of hero sandwich. You wanna save the girl. I can see why. But you're missing the crucial point here. Things fall apart. Not everything can be put back together, no matter how much you want it.
Angel:
Check me out. I'm "Mr. Dad".
Angel:
Cordy, look, I know that you can't hear me, but, there is something I have to say. You really piss me off, you know that? I thought we trusted each other. But you've been lying. MRI's and CAT scans? It's been going on for over a year. Why couldn't you let me in? I could have helped you. You make me so furious.
Cordelia:
You're furious? I get body-jacked on my birthday, and you're the one that's furious?
Fred:
[singing] I'm crazy. I'm crazy for being so lonely...
Cordelia:
I swear to God, she picked that song out herself.
Cordelia:
The demon did that to you?
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
No, one of the power walkers. Apparently, she thought I was disrespecting its cultural heritage by killing it.
Angel:
I don't get them. Power walkers. Why not just walk? Or run for better time?
Cordelia:
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You're a champion? In what way are *you* a champion?
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Angel:
Can I say it? I'm gonna say it.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
Say what?
Angel:
There's no place like... Willow?
Cordelia:
What's...?
Angel:
It's Buffy.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
What do you see?
Cordelia:
Moo.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
Moo? Is it a cow demon?
Cordelia:
Move. The cous-cous is coming up.
[throws up]
Angel:
They'll take that off the bill, right?
Cordelia:
I'm just saying- You can run away, avoid talking about this, but you know as well as I do that stuff we do in the past usually comes back to bite us in our respective 'assi' and what you did...
Angel:
Okay. So maybe I wasn't thinking too clearly. I mean, I was drunk for a while. Drunk on my own son's blood, slipped into my food by the good folks at Wolfram and Hart. And my head was a little clouded with rage over a trusted friend stealing my child from me... Damnit Cordelia. You got me talking about this.
Cordelia:
Probably just needed to vent.
Angel:
What? No hug?
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
[a threat] I'll take away the bucket.
Charles Gunn:
They don't seem to be bothered by the fact that he's a demon.
Fred:
Maybe they think it's all make-up, like the Blue Man Group. Tell me the Blue Man Group aren't...
Angel:
They talk about me in the chatty-rooms?
[Rips the roof of Lilah's convertible]
Angel:
That's cool. The top just comes right off.
Lilah:
You know Angel, coming from you, idle threats are just so... idle.
[Sticks his hand through the car roof]
Angel:
You remember when I ripped your car in half?
Lilah:
Yeah, yeah. Hulk smash.
Fred:
You know what they say about payback? Well, I'm the bitch.
[as the 'dead' demon starts to move again]
Angel:
Oh come on, I'm holding your head.
Fred:
Done and doner.
Angel:
And Eve, you'll stay here with me and we'll have more sex.
Eve:
I'm on it.
[commenting on Cordelia's acting]
Angelus:
I mean, I've been to hell, but that was so much worse.
Groo:
Hail to you potential client.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
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I took the liberty of providing you with a new work space.
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Angel:
Great.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
And I'd love a cup of coffee.
Angel:
That's, that's very funny.
Cordelia:
Two sugars in mine.
Charles Gunn:
Mocha cappuccino here.
Angel:
Man, atonement's a bitch.
Cordelia:
Ever since you've come back from your grief trip I can tell that something's not right. And, and *obviously* it's not. - Buffy's - dead, and I don't mean to diminish that. I miss her too. - I just wanna say - I know that James with all his Romeo and Juliet madness, opened up a lot of wounds for you, but you'll be okay.
Angel:
I am okay.
Cordelia:
Then - what's the problem?
Angel:
That I'm okay. That losing Buffy didn't kill me. That I could deal with it. - In all those years - no one ever mattered. Not like she did. - And now she's gone - forever.
Cordelia:
And you're still here.
Angel:
Yeah. I just feel like I'm betraying her somehow.
Cordelia:
No. If you were a loser, if you were some sick obsessed vampire, you'd go to a Snod demon, or whatever, and get your heart cut out. But you're not. You're a living, breathing... Well, living, anyway - good guy, who's still fighting and trying to help people, and that's not betraying her, that's honoring her.
Angel:
You think?
Cordelia:
I'm Cordelia. I don't think. I know. Okay?
Spike:
It's not murder if you say yes.
Angel:
It's a zombie.
Connor:
What's a zombie?
Angel:
It's an undead thing.
Connor:
Like you?
Angel:
No. Zombies are slow moving, dimwitted things that crave human flesh.
Connor:
Like you.
Angel:
No. It's different, trust me.
Charles Gunn:
What the hell was that?
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
Zombies.
Charles Gunn:
Well thanks for the newsflash, Captain Obvious.
Angel:
Food getting any better?
Faith:
You know, it's not that different from what I grew up on. It's a little one note. Eating the same thing every day.
Angel:
I wonder what that's like.
Faith:
Right.
Cordelia:
Why did the small, yucky man say that?
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
As far as evil plans go, it doesn't suck.
Gwen:
Manny said that he was an orb-keeper, right? Maybe he kept an orb.
Cordelia:
In his head?
Gwen:
Where do you keep yours?
Angel:
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Okay, enough. Let's just focus on the beast trying to blot out the sun and point fingers later.
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Gwen:
I'm just saying that it never would have happened on my watch.
Cordelia:
Gosh no. 'Cause you're Super Tramp.
Angel:
That means, if anything should go wrong with Angelus, you're gonna have to kill me.
Connor:
Okay.
Angel:
IF anything goes wrong.
Connor:
I got it.
[to Wesley]
Angel:
You hear that? There's a sword, a sword to kill the beast. And you wanted to turn me into Angelus by having an evil Shaman cut off my head. Not that that wasn't a swell plan too.
Cordelia:
Oh, no.
Angel:
It's a dead end.
Cordelia:
Who booby trapped a dead end? That's just not right.
The Beast:
We could rule this world. Why do you oppose me?
Angel:
Rain of fire, blacking out the sun, and you just kinda piss me off.
The Beast:
The boy joins his father in death.
Connor:
No, in kicking your stony ass.
Lorne the Host:
Hate to be the little demon who cried apocalypse nowish... . but, uh... .
Paige Anderson:
[eating brownie] What's your secret, Angel?
Angel:
I use chocolate... that's why they're brown. Which, gives them their name. Brownies.
[Upon seeing Lila in the hotel]
Lorne the Host:
...What in the Hell is Succubitch doing here?
Cordelia:
Faith? What the hell is she doing here?
Faith:
Nice to see you too, Cor.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
She's here to help.
Cordelia:
Oh, gee, that's great wait, wasn't she convicted of murder and sent to state correctional facility for like a gazillion years?
Faith:
Murder two, twenty five to life- for the record.
Cordelia:
Sometimes destruction is it's own reward.
Angelus:
Hey, you're preaching to the guy who ate the choir.
Angelus:
But the thing is, as far as plans go, I like to make my own. So thanks for stopping by my head.
Angelus:
Hello? Hey, I've got places to go and friends to kill. Well, not actually my friends, but you get the idea.
Charles Gunn:
If he pops a fang in here, thwack him where it hurts.
[about Connor]
Lorne the Host:
Odd bird, and gettin' birdier.
Faith:
We track him, we find him, we...
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:
- Get your asses kicked? I don't know-wild guess.
Connor:
Are you okay?
Cordelia:
Sure, except for the morning sickness that can't tell time.
Angelus:
Half of this crap is written in some archaic, proto demon cuneiform. And, I don't want to be rude, but the other half I think they just doodled.
Cordelia:
ANGELUS.
Angelus:
Oh. Volume.
Cordelia:
I am not well pleased.
Angelus:
And I'm not well deaf.
Cordelia:
Dare to seek me out again and you insolence will be punished tenfold.
Angelus:
Yeah, what are you gonna do, huh? Give me a migraine?
Cordelia:
This isn't the way, my sweet. We should be friends, you and I.
Angelus:
No, and I'll tell you why: one, because, you know, I'm evil. So the whole friends thing, that's out. And two, if I did have friends they sure as hell wouldn't be living inside my head.
Angelus:
Oh. Don't tell me. The rousing stiff upper lip speech. Rah-rah. Good over evil. Do what must be done. Hang in there, Kitten, it's almost Friday. Is that what the scraggly little ponce armed you with to fight the big bad bogeyman?
Faith:
Yeah. And this.
[Throws a knife and stabs him]
Faith:
[to Connor] Cut me a switch, son. There's gonna be a whoopin'.
Cordelia:
Willow, Hi.
Willow:
Hey, how've you been?
Cordelia:
Higher power. You?
Willow:
Ultimate evil. But I got better.
Cordelia:
Great news sports fans. There's been another killing... OK, maybe not great for the victim...
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
I've seen a darkness in myself. I'm not sure you'd even begin to understand.
Willow:
I flayed a guy alive and tried to destroy the world.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
Oh... so...
Willow:
Darkness. Been there.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
Yeah. Well I never flayed... I had a woman chained in a closet.
Willow:
Well hey.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
No, it doesn't compare.
Willow:
No, dark. That's dark. You've been to a place.
Angelus:
I'm in hell. This is hell and I'm in it.
Faith:
Reliving Angel's good deeds, you are in hell. Wicked.
Faith:
Seriously man, did you miss the invention of the bath?
[Seeing Angel in a flash back]
Angelus:
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Oh no, I remember this. I remember this place. I gotta get out of here.
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ffb
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Faith:
Why, you freakin' out?
Angelus:
It's coming, again.
Faith:
What's coming?
Angelus:
I can't do it. I won't.
[Angel runs in front of a speeding car]
Faith:
Angel get out of the road.
Angelus:
Arrrgh. No.
Faith:
[laughing] Dude, you just rescued a puppy.
[upon meeting Connor]
Willow:
You must be Angel's handsome yet androgynous son.
Charles Gunn:
Go on, English, make your move... because it'll be your last.
[On seeing Wesley]
Willow:
Oh, and it's the Marlboro man. Or at least his extra-stubbly, mentally unstable, insomniatic first cousin of... oh, for the love of Hecate, somebody stop me.
Angelus:
That hurt, baby. Kinda liked it. How about you? There's my girl. Knew she was in there somewhere dying to come out and play again. I know how it feels. Forced to be someone you're not. Hurts to the bone. You try to bury the pain, but you can't get the hole deep enough, can you? No matter how much you dig, it's still there. Broken shards stabbing every time you breathe, cutting you up inside. You know, there's only one way to make the pain stop. Hurt someone else.
Lilah:
It's Thursday, which means everyone who should be in the weekly briefing is, um, dead.
Connor:
Where are those people?
Jasmine:
I ate them.
Connor:
Cool.
Angel:
I mean, stranger things have happened.
Fred:
Like Cordelia giving birth to a beautiful ebony goddess?
Angel:
Not the example I was looking for, but yeah.
Allen Francis Doyle:
[his last line] Too bad we'll never know
[morphs into his demon face]
Allen Francis Doyle:
if this is a face you could learn to love
Cordelia:
Wait! Ahh! A vision! I'm having a vision. A demon, a creepy, little - you! It's definitely you! In great, great...
Barney:
Danger?
Cordelia:
Pain!
[knees him between the legs]
Lindsey McDonald:
Boo-hoo! Let me wipe away the tears with my plastic hand!
Allen Francis Doyle:
Everyone just simmer down here, violence is not gonna solve a thing, okay?
[headbutts the guy]
Allen Francis Doyle:
On the other hand, it is rather festive.
Gunn:
What the hell are you talking about?
Cordelia:
It's called kidnapping a minor, hair club for men!
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2d
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Lorne the Host
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ff5
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:
And tonight playing the role of Judas Iscariot - Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan.
Allen Francis Doyle:
The good fight yeah? You never know until you've been tested. I get that now.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
Y'know, back in my days as a rogue demon hunter, I once used that very spear to pin down what I thought was a small Rodentius demon. Of course, the poodle's owners weren't very happy.
Cordelia:
God, I really wish she wouldn't leave her toys laying around.
Charles Gunn:
Ooh, pretty wicked looking toy.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
I'll say. It almost looks like a spring-loaded decapitation device.
Cordelia:
Or it makes toast. With her you never know.
Angel:
[to Buffy] That's great. Its nice... you moved on. I cant. You found someone new. I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again, it cuts me up inside, and the person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore, so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go home.
Connor:
I'll kill you.
Angel:
It'll pass.
Lorne the Host:
Yeah, 'cos Lord knows he's never tried that before.
Angelus:
[to Connor] And now my boy's in love, all hearts and flowers. But, doesn't it freak you out that she used to change your diapers? I mean, when you think about it, the first woman you boned was the closest thing you've ever had to a mother. Doin' your mom and trying to kill your dad. Hmm, there should be a play.
Cordelia:
I miss that smell
Wes:
Camembert, I believe.
Cordelia:
No, MONEY!. I miss the smell of money.
Angel:
She's not just saying that, I hide some in the office some times just to watch her, it's uncanny.
Angel:
[as Liam] It's the devil. It's the devil!
Cordelia:
My hair?
Lorne the Host:
[after the show has returned from commercial break] Well, those were some exciting products, am I right? Let's all think about buying some of those.
Faith:
Because I'm dying, dumbass... Way I figure, I got one last job. Babysit the psycho until they shove a soul up your...
Angelus:
Not gonna happen.
Faith:
Then I'm... whatever. Dust in the wind. Candle in the wind. There'll be a general wind theme.
Vyasa:
You're funny, vampire. I bet you'll be a lot funnier when I punch your face in.
Angel:
What, like funny ha-ha or funny peculiar?
Charles Gunn:
You want to give us your evil law firm? We ain't lawyers.
Fred:
Or evil. Currently.
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32
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Allen Francis Doyle
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fd7
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:
You know, there's a lot of people in this city that need helping.
Angel:
So I noticed.
Allen Francis Doyle:
You game?
Angel:
I'm game.
Barney:
You're him, right? You're the guy. The vampire with a soul.
Angel:
I'm Angel.
Barney:
You gotta help me. That's what you do, right? Help the helpless? Protect the, what do you call it? The helpless.
Angel:
For a taciturn shadowy guy, I've got a big mouth.
Gunn:
Whoo, Whoo! My God! They told me it was true, but I didn't believe 'em. Damn, here it is. Evil white folks really do have a Mecca. Now, now, now girls, don't get all riled up.
[screams]
Gunn:
Did you just step on my foot? Was that my foot you just stepped on? Are you assaulting me up in this haven of justice? Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated. Oh, I get it, y'all can cater to the demon... cater to the dead man... but what about the black man?
Penn:
We were to meet in Italy, remember?
Angel:
I remember.
Penn:
Well, I waited. Hell, I waited until the 19th century. What happened?
Angel:
Got held up in Romania.
Penn:
Romania? What's in Romania?
Angel:
Gypsies.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
I'm still stuck back at, "Why on earth are we here?"
Fred:
What, because we're crusaders against evil and now the law firm that represents most of the evil in the world has given us its LA branch to run however we want, probably in an attempt to corrupt, divide, or destroy us, and we all said yes in, like, 3 minutes?
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce:
You're run-on sentences have got a lot less pointless
Fred:
Oh, that's so sweet.
[beat]
Fred:
And a tad condescending.
Angel:
Harmony.
Harmony:
Hey. Boss.
Angel:
You're my secretary?
Harmony:
[sighs] Hello. Assistant.
Angel:
Explain why I shouldn't kill you?
Harmony:
Secretary's fine.
Angel:
No, it's not fine. Where is it fine? You've been working here?
Harmony:
Yeah-huh.
Angel:
Why?
Harmony:
Well, duh. I'm a single undead gal trying to make it in the big city - I have to start somewhere and they're evil here. They don't judge. They've got the necrotempered glass -
[does a little dance]
Harmony:
no burning up - a great medical plan, and who needs dental more than us?
Allen Francis Doyle:
[trying to do a spell]
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4b
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Oh, man, Latin. One of those dead languages you always mean to learn.
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f43
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Cordelia:
Maybe he has an accomplice, or a hidden camera. Not everything has to be creepy and supernatural, you know.
Angel:
Not everything, but Doyle had a vision.
Cordelia:
Which last time led to a sex-changing-body-switching-tear-your-innards-out-demon, right. I guess they don't call you for their every day cases.
Melissa:
Oh, no. I like it. As long as you're not bored.
Allen Francis Doyle:
No, no, I'm good. I have a word jumble right here. That should keep me occupied, sadly, for most of the day.
[after one of Doyle's visions]
Allen Francis Doyle:
There is a young guy.
Angel:
Where?
Allen Francis Doyle:
Vampires have a nest downtown. Poor kid's gonna be the entree.
Angel:
Let's go. Come on.
Allen Francis Doyle:
Everybody's got dinner plans but us.
Lorne the Host:
What's to understand? You think you're the first guy who ever rolled over, saw what was laying next to him, and went, "gueeeyah."
Wesley:
We need you.
Faith:
Well, er... hate to wet the paper for you Wes, but I'm kinda unavailable right now... maybe you wanna check back in a few decades when my parole comes up.
Wesley:
You need to know...
Faith:
It's Armageddon again, I dig. Last thing you need is me in the mix. Besides, Angel comes shinin' through in the end like he always does.
Wesley:
Angel's gone, Faith. Angelus is back.
Faith:
Step away from the glass.
Lorne the Host:
Back in Pylea they used to call me 'sweet potato.'
Connor:
Really?
Lorne the Host:
Yeah, well, the exact translation was 'fragrant tuber' but...
[Fred and Gunn are running down a dark alley, they round a fence corner and pile into Gunn's truck]
Gunn:
Are you okay?
Fred:
No. You?
Gunn:
No.
Fred:
It's nice we still do these things together.
[after finding a room full of human corpses]
Spike:
I bet the poor guy's lonely. Throws a surprise party for himself every night. Maybe even gets lucky every once in a while. (Angel looks at him weirdly) What? They won't mind.
Lilah:
You're a really remarkable man, Angel.
Angel
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