[Kenny's homeboys see him display his 'love kit'] Ritchie Koolboy: Aw damn, man. Our boy's a fag, yo. DJ Sammy: Yo, who's a fag? Kenny Fisher: Yo, both of y'all. That is a "Fragrance of Love" scented candle, bitch. Damn! Denise: Besides, I heard that song was about his dog. Preston: It's not about a dog. It's about a woman named Amanda. Who the hell names their dog Amanda? Denise: My cousin had a dog name Samantha. Preston: Shut up about the dog, OK? Denise: There's a mirror right there. Take a look, you're white. Stoner Guy: You know who else I like that didn't get much play? Velma from Scooby-Doo. She was cool. She was a hip, hip lady. Mike Dexter: I'll kick everyone's ass in this room! [sees Kenny Fisher posing in a mirror] Denise: Looks like someone's auditioning for "Soul Train." Preston: It was October, freshman year. First time in history that I'd ever missed the bus. If I had arrived on time, I never would've seen her. But as it was, I was the first person at Huntington Hills High to set eyes on Amanda Beckett. It was her first day at school. Then, I'm sitting in class enjoying a late breakfast when out of all the classrooms in the entire school, she walks into mine. And where does the teacher sit her? Right next to me! Now, up until now, one could write this off to coincidence. But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a strawberry Pop-Tart - the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment! What was I to do? How was I to proceed? Denise: Just so you know, judging from my little experience, I kind of believe in fate. It just works in really fucked up ways sometimes. Preston: Especially in your case. I'm sorry. You gave that to me, I just had to take it. Take care. Peace out, G! Exchange student: Would you like to touch my penis? I am a sex machine! Exchange student: Would you like to touch my penis? I am a sex machine! Sex machine. [the crying drunk girl stumbles over to the exchange student] Mary, Crying Drunk Girl: Idlke tschyourenis [subtitle translation:] Mary, Crying Drunk Girl: I'd like to touch your penis! [the crying drunk girl walks up to Preston and Denise] Mary, Crying Drunk Girl: Thush bezt tea weveram sisu gizem chext ear! [subtitle translation:] Mary, Crying Drunk Girl: This is the best party ever! I'm so gonna miss you guys next year! [she trows her arms around them and stumbles off] Preston: There's one at every party. Denise: Kind of makes you never want to drink, huh? [the crying drunk girls hears Kenny and Denise in the upstairs bathroom] Mary, Crying Drunk Girl: Yerd dum shelling yers chair. [subtitle translation:] Mary, Crying Drunk Girl: Did anyone hear that? Someone's yelling for help upstairs! [Kenny walks up to a stoned girl] Kenny Fisher: Hey, whatsup? [no reply] Kenny Fisher: Damn, it is noisy in here. Wanna go talk outside? Should be quieter out there. Stephanie, Stoned Girl: Okay. [Kenny sees that the girl's eyes are blank] Kenny Fisher: Do you, uh... what a drink? Stephanie, Stoned Girl: Okay. Kenny Fisher: Uh... how 'bout I poison it? Stephanie, Stoned Girl: Okay. [Kenny sees that she's totally stoned] Kenny Fisher: Hey, whaddya say we, uh... go upstairs and... [another girl enters] Candy, Stoned Girl's Friend: Stephanie! There you are! [to Kenny] Candy, Stoned Girl's Friend: Thank God you found her! She just took three thingies of herbal ecstasy and wondered off! She's so out of it, anything could have happened and she probably wouldn't even know it! God, I was so worried somebody was... well you know, taking advantage of her or something. Here, help me get her on her feet. [Kenny helps the friend help the stoned girl stand up and the two girls walk off] Candy, Stoned Girl's Friend: Come on honey, I'm gonna take you to the car. Stephanie, Stoned Girl: Okay. [to Amanda who's asking questions about Preston] Mary, Crying Drunk Girl: Snow stun shy is shy sumber shess sing. [subtitle translation:] Mary, Crying Drunk Girl: I know who Preston Meyers is. I can give you his phone number, his address, anything. [in the back yard during the police raid] Cop:
Miss, for the last time, please stop crying and give me your name and address.
Mary, Crying Drunk Girl: Butolu msahson undsevent norlk. [subtitle translation:] Mary, Crying Drunk Girl: But I already told you! My name is Mary Hampson and I live at 1782 Norfolk! [holding up a card] William: I downloaded this little baby off the Net. I will know exactly how many spirits I may imbibe without affecting my judgment or my behavior. X-Phile 2: You have every angle covered. X-Phile 1: You know William, from this light, you somewhat resemble David Duchovny. Angel Stripper: Fate! There is such a thing as fate, but it only takes you so far. Then it's up to you to make it happen. William: Witness Exhibit A: My 8th Grade science project - a working rain forest. Mike Dexter threw it out a third story window. It rains here no more. Witness Exhibit B: An eye patch I wore for a month after Mike beaned me with a raisin in home ec. My parents took me to a 3D film. I saw no third dimension. And of course, how could I forget the pudding incident? I know no one else has. Well gentlemen, tonight, Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back. Tonight is our independence night. William: You know what they say about women and trolley cars. There's plenty of 'em in the sea. Mike Dexter: Guys, we're gonna be in college soon. You know what there's gonna be in college, right? Jake, Jock #1: [beat] Girls that used to be in high school. Mike Dexter: No, women. College women. Women with no curfew, women on the pill, women... women, bro. We are staring into the future here. And the future is women. Kenny Fisher: Yo, I gotta have sex tonight! I mean peep this - They say here ninety-two percent of the honeys at UCLA are sexually active. Ninety-two of the women in Los Angeles at UCLA walking around going, "Class... or sex? What shall I do?" Ninety-two percent, yo! Hey, you know what that means? Ritchie Koolboy: What? Kenny Fisher: It means I gots a ninety-two percent chance of embarrassing myself. I roll up on that shorty be like, "What's up yo?" she be like, "You don't know 20 different ways to make me call you Big Poppa" cuz I don't yo. Preston: I don't know about you, but I really believe that there's one person out there, and for me it's gotta be Amanda. Amanda Becket: Hi, umm... Do you happen to know who Preston Myers is? Earth Girl: Du'uh. He only sat like, right next to you in freshman english. But I guess you wouldn't remember that. I mean, why would Amanda Beckett pay any attention to a unique spirit like Preston, or even a unique spirit like me? Maybe it's because she's a little busy ordering around her little conformist flock of sheep. SHEEP! You are all sheep. Baah! [Off-Screen] Earth Girl: Baah! [drunk] William:
You... have to come with me. There's this chick... there's these two chicks... they're triplets, man. You're not going to believe what they're doing. Not because I made it up or anything but because it is so... unbelievable. Come on out to the pool house, 'cause they told me to tell you... they want you to watch. So, come out... the pool house, come on...