Melissa Cavatelli: The man is an alcoholic penis with legs. [trying to come out to his mother] Doug Stein: Is there something you wanna ask about me? Rachel: Nah... No. Doug Stein: Let me rephrase that... I need to tell you something that... Rachel: [quickly] I don't wanna know. Doug Stein: How do you *know* that you don't wanna know? Rachel: Because if it's what I think it is, I don't wanna know. Doug Stein: Then, you know? Rachel: Maybe but I don't *want* to know. Doug Stein: So why can't I tell you? Rachel: Then I would *really* know. You *know* I know. So why tell me? Doug Stein: Because I need to know you know. Rachel: No. Because then I'd really know.