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"The Powerpuff Girls"
(1998)
-
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Miss Kean:
Thank you, Billy. We had no idea you were a cyclops.
Mojo Jojo:
The city of Townsville. I hate you. I do not enjoy the fact that three superhero female children take up residence in you. And by hurting me and forcing me to dwell in one of your correctional facilities, these mutant infant girls prevent me from obtaining political control of you.
Sgt. Pepper:
Hello. I'm Sergeant Pepper, the Chief of Police for the Townsville Police Department. My men and I have decided to make the following statement: Help. we need somebody. Help. not just anybody. Help. we need the Powerpuff Girls. Ahem. Thank you.
Blossom:
The city of Townsville. A harmonious community of happy little people. Look at all the happy little people. I'm happy, I'm driving, I'm happy and I'm driving. Hi, Joe, what do you know?
Narrator:
But one place in Townsville Park is not filled with fun activity... TOWNSVILLE VOLCANO MOUNTAIN. For on top of this mountain lies the lair of the revengeful, resentful, spiteful, lawbreaking, mad, swindling, thieving, malicious, extorting, assaulting, crooked, torturous, dishonest, complaining, wicked, indecent, menacing, touchy, swarthy, shadowy, villainous villain of all time... and he calls himself... MOJO JOJO. Oh I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.
Bubbles:
And there were some guts. Oh, I didn't like the guts. Yuck.
Mojo Jojo:
Excuse me sir, but can you direct me to the location of where I can locate some eggs for I would like to purchase them so that I can take them home with me and I can eat them today.
[pause]
Mojo Jojo:
And maybe tomorrow.
Blossom:
We're the Powerpuff Girls.
Buttercup:
We fight crime.
Blossom:
That's what we do.
Bubbles:
Duh.
Steve:
Better heroes, huh? Listen, girls. My name is Steve. I'm a monster. I've been coming here for three days, causing all sorts of damage to your town. And what do I get? Two days of no-shows, and now this. A flag girl who does rope tricks, some rabbit, and Little Miss Darkness who's afraid of a little sun.
Buttercup:
Hey! Do you have any idea who you're talking to?
Bubbles:
We're superheroes!
Blossom:
Real ones!
Steve:
Yeah, well, that's great and all, but what am I supposed to tell the guys back on Monster Isle? You see, when a monster visits Townsville, he must fight the Powerpuff Girls. And if he can hold his own and make it back to Monster Isle alive, he's a hero. Now this new bit is just not gonna cut it. Sure, you didn't have a thirst for vengeance, stickers with your face on them, or souped-up vehicles, cause you didn't need them! See? Even if you take away the costumes, props, and angst, you still have all the bravery and courage it takes to save the day. So what do you say? Powerpuff Girls?
Blossom:
Let's get him, girls!
Steve:
Now that's better!
[the Mayor is being held over Townsville Hall]
Mayor:
Say! I can see my house from here!
Bubbles:
[wearing glasses] What? What? What's so funny?
Blossom:
Oh, nothing...
Buttercup:
Dork!
Bubbles:
[looks in the mirror] I do look like a dork.
Buttercup:
No, you don't.
Blossom:
Yeah. You look like a nerd.
Mayor:
Powerpuff Girls, the city's being devoured! And whatever it is, it's very close! It's in the office...
Blossom:
What?
Mayor:
Okay, now there's a giant claw... it's very big and it's snapping.
Blossom:
Hold tight, Mayor. We're on our way!
Mayor:
Okay, I'll hold.
Bubbles:
I'm back!
Blossom:
Well, what a sight for sore eyes!
Buttercup:
It's old four-eyes!
Bubbles:
Hey! You said you were just kidding!
Buttercup:
We were!
Blossom:
About being just kidding!
Blossom:
You've been locked out since Wednesday? But, Mayor, it's Saturday. Why did you wait so long to call?
Mayor:
My cell phone calling plan has free weekend minutes.
Mayor:
Thanks to you girls, Townsville is safe. And my hat is back in its proper place. How can I ever repay you for saving the day?
Blossom:
No payment necessary, Mayor.
Buttercup:
We were just doing our job.
Bubbles:
We're superheroes!
Mayor:
Yes, but I'm the Mayor! How about a statue? Powerpuff Girls Day?
[the girls shake their heads]
Mayor:
No? Well, then at least take some candy.
Blossom:
Thanks, Mayor, but the Professor says we aren't allowed to have any...
[Bubbles and Buttercup reach for some candy]
Blossom:
Hey! Well, okay. Maybe this one piece won't hurt.
Narrator:
And with that, the girls were off... faster than you could say "Professor Utonium."
Mayor:
Professor Uton...
Girls:
We're here, Mayor!
Mayor:
Well, I'll be. I couldn't finish saying it.
Bubbles:
That... was... amazing.
Blossom/Buttercup:
Yeah!
Bubbles:
It's not fair! I'm just as tough and strong and mean as Buttercup and Blossom, but they just don't believe me. They all treat me like a baby. I'll show them. I'll prove that I can be... hard-core!
Mayor:
Candy doesn't grow on trees, you know!
Blossom:
A tarot card. Girls, this is worse than we imagined.
Bubbles:
Whatever do you mean, Blossom?
Blossom:
Not only are we dealing with a petty criminal, we're dealing with... a tarot-ist!
Buttercup:
[to the hotline] RING ALREADY!
Blossom:
Forget it, Buttercup. There's just nothing going on. No crimes, no monsters, no nothing.
Bubbles:
I could sure use a piece of candy right about now.
Blossom:
But the mayor said...
Buttercup:
[immitating the mayor] Blah blah blah blah blah blah, save the day!
Bubbles:
Let's go get her!
Buttercup:
Yeah! I see a knuckle sandwich in her future!
Blossom:
[in an overlarge trenchcoat wearing a fedora] Thank you for coming. We are in need of your services. Just do what you do best.
Bubbles:
[at coat's midsection] Then take the fall.
Buttercup:
[at coat's hem] And we bust you out the next day.
Mysterious Shadow Figure:
Hmmm...
Blossom:
We know you can't resist this oppurtunity.
Bubbles:
What do you say...?
Buttercup:
...pal?
Bubbles:
I feel weird about lying to the Professor.
Blossom:
A little white lie is okay. Besides, it'll all turn out good 'cause we're good.
Bubbles:
And more of us will only be gooder.
Buttercup:
Yeah, good.
Blossom:
And Professor Dick is good, right? And he's only interested in good and goodness. Good?
Bubbles:
Good.
Blossom:
Good?
Buttercup:
Good.
Blossom:
Good?
Girls:
Good night.
Blossom:
MOJO!
Mojo Jojo:
Back so soon?
Blossom:
We had a deal, Mojo!
Mojo Jojo:
Don't get me wrong. Destroying Townsville on a daily basis is a pretty good gig. But to be able to take away that which gave you so much joy, to destroy your happiness is just so much more satisfying to the soul. If only I could have seen the look on your faces when you realized. I think I can imagine.
Blossom:
You're a bad monkey, Mojo!
Mojo Jojo:
I know.
Narrator:
Regardless of how the Mayor handles his civic duties, the girls still had a job to do. And with that, they were off faster than you could say "bad television."
Mayor:
Bad televi...
Girls:
Later, Mayor!
Mayor:
Darn it!
Blossom:
What have we done? Look at us. Look at Mojo. This isn't who we are. This is crazy!
Bubbles:
But what about the candy?
Buttercup:
Don't you see, Bubbles?
Blossom:
It was the candy that did this to us. The candy made us something we're not.
Blossom:
Man, Bubbles, we really underestimated you.
Buttercup:
And you know what?
Bubbles:
[angrily] WHAT?
Buttercup:
You're hard core!
Bubbles:
[sweetly] Really? Hee hee hee! Aw, shucks! And girls, I'm sorry for running off. Mojo would never have gotten me if I had you two to look out for me.
Blossom:
Team?
Buttercup:
Team.
Bubbles:
Team.
Girls:
Mayor?
Buttercup:
We brought your candy back.
Bubbles:
And Mojo too! See? He... wasn't... really... bad after all. It...
Blossom:
We're sorry, Mayor.
Bubbles:
We want to apologize.
Blossom:
Okay, you don't have to look at us, but at least hear us out. You see, we convinced Mojo to commit crimes.
Buttercup:
Then we could save the day...
Bubbles:
...and get rewarded with candy.
Blossom:
But then Mojo and the candy got the better of us.
Buttercup:
We were out of control
Bubbles:
We're sorry.
Mayor:
And you yelled at me!
Girls:
We're sorry.
Mayor:
You poor girls, caught up in all that!
Blossom:
So you forgive us?
Mayor:
Well, you did make a mistake, but you realized what wrong you caused and set things right by telling the truth. And for that, you deserve a reward!
Blossom:
Oh, Mayor, after all the trouble we caused?
Mayor:
All righty, if that's the way you feel.
Blossom:
Maybe just one piece.
Professor Utonium:
Powerpuff hotline.
Mayor:
Oh, this is terrible! Terrible!
Professor Utonium:
Well, Mr. Terrible, I'm sorry, but this line is reserved for...
Mayor:
No, no, no! This is the Mayor! I need the girls immediately!
Professor Utonium:
[laughing] Sorry, Mayor. See, I thought you were...
[the Mayor screams over the line]
Professor Utonium:
Sorry. Hold on, Mayor.
Mojo Jojo:
Hello, may I speak to Professor Utonium?
Bubbles:
Who shall I say is calling?
Mojo Jojo:
Oh, no one he'd know, just a curious stranger.
Bubbles:
PROFESSOR! THERE'S A STRANGER ON THE PHONE!
Professor Utonium:
Hello, Mr. Stranger. What can I do for you?
Mojo Jojo:
Hey you kids, get out of my moat, it was not meant to be played in. I must remember to destroy those kids after my breakfast has been eaten.
Narrator:
Sugar. Spice. And everything nice. These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little girls. But Professor Utonium accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction... Chemical X. Thus the Powerpuff Girls were born. Using their ultra-superpowers, Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil.
[the Powerpuffs are mixed together as one and try to move; one of them accidently farts]
Blossom:
Nice!
Buttercup:
It's about time the Mayor filled that giant pothole.
Bubbles:
I think it's nice that the Mayor is keeping Townsville nice.
Bubbles:
Uh, filling potholes is his job, Bubbles. Being nice has nothing to do with it.
Professor Utonium:
Girls, time to get up. Breakfast is ready.
Buttercup:
Bacon and eggs?
Bubbles:
Waffles?
Blossom:
French toast?
Professor Utonium:
Liver and onions.
Buttercup:
Liver and onions? I hate liver and onions! This stuff isn't even fit for a dog to eat!
Bubbles:
That's it! We'll feed it to our dog.
Buttercup:
Duh! We don't have a dog!
Professor Utonium:
Bubbles!
Bubbles:
Yes, Professor?
Professor Utonium:
What is this?
Bubbles:
That's a ficus.
Professor Utonium:
Not the plant. This.
[points to wall]
Professor Utonium:
Are you responsible for this?
Bubbles:
Um, well, I'm sure to the untrained eye, this drawing may seem like one of mine. But if you look closer, you'll see it's an obvious attempt at pseudo-impressionism, while I deal strictly in realism. Bye!
Bubbles:
[disguised as Boomer] Uh, hi. It's me, Boomer, your brother. Oh, hey, Fuzzy.
Brick:
We know you're our brother. We're not as stupid as you.
Professor Utonium:
I'm sorry you had to eat a cockroach.
Bubbles:
That's okay. It tasted like chicken.
Blossom:
So, now how do we get the money to afford the destructoray? Think, girls, think. Except you, Bubbles.
Buttercup:
[imitating the Professor] Remember, girls, it's where all movies came from.
Blossom:
[joking] No, they didn't. They came from cans.
Narrator:
The city of Townsville! What's this? People running for their lives? Yeah, yeah, what else is new?
Mayor:
Girls, we have a situation of gastronomic proportions!
Buttercup:
What exactly did he say?
Blossom:
Some mumbo jumbo about a monster, a revolting stench - I don't know.
Bubbles:
Maybe the mayor wasn't talking about that?
Professor Utonium:
Girls! It's really you! Oh, you're floating, you have big eyes, no fingers, and superpowers!
Buttercup:
Yep, he finally cracked.
Blossom:
That's it!
Buttercup:
He's done it!
Bubbles:
Mojo has managed to bring Townsville to a complete standstill by having all of the people speak in the most lengthy of questions and redundant answers! Thus, nothing can be asked or answered without the verbosity of words causing the city to come to a permanent and most painful halt. Furthermore...
Blossom, Buttercup:
Bubbles!
Bubbles:
Sorry.
Buttercup:
Oh, this isn't going to work.
Bubbles:
Certainly not if our wish is to remedy this situation, which is currently lacking closure...
Blossom, Buttercup:
Bubbles!
Blossom:
Someone has to retach him.
Buttercup:
But do we know whose English is good enough to reverse the effects of Mo' Linguish and retrain all these people to speak properly, thus eliminating the circular pattern in which they are speaking? Darn it! Now I'm doing it!
Mojo Jojo:
In the grading system, I would have assigned you all with an "F," which, if I had control of the grading system, I would make the lowest grade a "Z" since that is the final letter in the alphabet, which starts with "A" and ends with "Z."
Mayor:
No! I didn't take it! It was Ms. Bellum!
Narrator:
There! It's time for you to make your speech.
Mayor:
Okay... what speech?
Narrator:
The speech you will make!
Mayor:
Oh!
Narrator:
No, not "oh!" You!
Mayor:
Why?
Narrator:
No, you!
Mayor:
You?
Narrator:
No, not me! You, the mayor!
Mayor:
Me?
Narrator:
Yes! That's what I said!
Mayor:
Now, wait a minute. Who's "I"?
Narrator:
I is you!
Mayor:
Stop it!
Narrator:
Gee, are you okay?
Mayor:
I don't know any more!
Narrator:
Oh, forget it.
Buttercup:
Have you made any progress?
Professor Utonium:
Girls, check this out. I've invented a DNA-based, vector-sensitive, target-seeking computer virus, which if remotely uploaded to the target individual's communications peripherals, will directly enter their sensory system, causing the individual to cluck uncontrollably, like a chicken; develop incurable rashes - with or without excess body hair; hideous screaming follows, and finally - ha ha! Total meltdown!
Bubbles:
Um, that's cool, but will it help us catch Mask Scara?
Professor Utonium:
Well, no.
Bubbles:
We'll be forced into hard labor by evil-forced cobbler elves!
Buttercup:
Evil-forced cobbler elves?
Bubbles:
Well... yeah.
Professor Utonium:
Oh, I knew this would happen. My first attempts always turn out to be disasters. Blossom is all crusty, Buttercup is hardly perfect, and Bubbles - ugh! Just horrible.
Him:
Splendidly evil, isn't it?
Mojo Jojo:
Evil? How about stupid? Yes, thanks to your foolishness, we will be reduced to nothing. Nothing! Like the amount of intelligence inside your head. Nothing! Like the amount of respect I get after six seasons on this show!
Man:
Son, when I was your age, I was
Bubbles:
I guess I shouldn't believe everything I see on TV.
Mayor:
No, Bubbles, no. Don't say that! Television is your friend. Television is never wrong, and you should always listen to it and do whatever it says.
Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup:
[hypnotically] Yes. Television. All hail the great and all-knowing television.
Mayor:
You were right, Ms. Bellum. The pickle patch is great! Especially on cold turkey sandwiches.
Buttercup:
Wait! Wait! Wait! Let me get this straight. You asked a psychic for decisions on municipal issues?
Mayor:
No, no, of course not. That would be silly. I got advice from a dead relative.
Narrator:
Oh, no! It's the Mayor of Townsville! The one person who should have read the newspaper today, but didn't!
Narrator:
And the Mayor was let back into Townsville faster than you could say, "open sesame."
Mayor:
Open sesa...
Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup:
Here you go, Mayor.
Mayor:
Shoot!
Talking Dog:
That's a very nice looking moustache. You can hardly see your hideous disgusting teeth.
Blossom:
Who filmed this, anyway?
Buttercup:
Yeah, do you have cameras all over the world?
Mojo Jojo:
Yes! Now shut up!
Buttercup:
[running] I'm using muscles I never even knew I had!
Buttercup:
Can't you abacus any faster?
Blossom:
Aba-kiss my butt!
Bubbles:
Hi. I'm Bubbles. What's your name? What grade are you in? What's your favorite color? What's your favorite animal? Do you like drawing?
Robin Snyder:
Uh, let's see... Robin Snyder... Kindergarten... elephants... and yeah, I like to draw.
Bubbles:
Your favorite color is elephant?
Buttercup:
We've never walked to school before.
Bubbles:
Yeah. It's fun! But it takes a lot longer.
Buttercup:
Ouch! The broccoli's on the roof!
Blossom:
Happy to you, log pony!
Bubbles:
I like math, 'cause the number 2 looks like a pretty swan!
[singing]
Bubbles:
La la la, Mr. Swan, la la la la la...
[speaking]
Bubbles:
And the number 8 looks like a pair of glasses! Look, I can see eight times better now!
Blossom:
We were all pee-occupied... uh, I mean preoccupied.
Buttercup:
Fighting robot? For what?
Professor Utonium:
So all the nerds out there will think I'm cool.
Museum Guard #1:
Who would win in a fight, Mega Man or Mondo Dude?
Museum Guard #2:
Oh, Mega Man, totally!
Bubbles:
Asps... very dangerous.
Bubbles:
Let's go home and make tacos!
Buttercup:
NOOO!
Bubbles:
But I like tacos.
Buttercup:
Bubbles! Put down that stupid octopus and help us with this stupid octopus!
Madame Argentina:
Would you like your palms read?
Bubbles:
Oh, no thanks. I like them the color they are.
Bubbles:
[singing] D'oh! In my tailbone!
Narrator:
And as Madame Argentina plied her false fortunes, the goose got down.
Fred the Duck:
Is that a feather joke?
Madame Argentina:
A good medium never reveals her secret.
Mayor:
I thought it was magician.
Madame Argentina:
Whatever.
Narrator:
For these are but a few of Townsville's citizens who've been robbed by this elusive and rather vertically-challenged psychic, which is why the newspapers this day read "Small Medium at Large!"
Blossom:
Mr. Mayor, you had written an elaborate note telling Ms. Bellum that you'd gone home to write your election speech.
Mayor:
I did? How smart of me!
Blossom:
That's not what I mean! See, you didn't actually write the note.
Mayor:
But you just said I wrote the note!
Blossom:
Ms. Bellum said that you couldn't have possibly written the note because she writes all of your speeches.
Mayor:
Ms. Bellum wrote the note?
Blossom:
No! Neither you nor Ms. Bellum wrote the note!
Mayor:
Then who wrote the note? I'm sorry, Blossom, but this is all terribly confusing.
Blossom:
I knew that there was only one evil menacing character cunning enough to do this.
Bubbles:
Mojo Jojo!
Mayor:
Mojo Jojo?
Girls:
Yes! Yes!
Mayor:
Mojo Jojo wrote my speech? I'll have to thank him!
Professor Utonium:
All three of you also have unique powers like Bubbles being able to speak Spanish
Bubbles:
Si!
Mayor:
FUZZY! You can throw away my things, and I don't mind the hay on the floor, and the chicken wire's a nice touch, and I kinda like that beat-up old flivver. But no one, I mean no one, wears my mayorin' hat! Now give it back!
Professor Utonium:
Don't just harm an insect just because it's yucky on the outside. It's the insect inside that counts.
Blossom:
The professor said not to harm an insect just because it's yucky on the outside... but THIS ONE'S YUCKY ON THE INSIDE!
Mayor:
Well done, girls! I knew you were innocent all along!
Narrator:
Yeah right.
Narrator:
So, after saving the day, the girls return home for some peace and quiet.
Blossom:
[at the top of her lungs] SHUT UP, BUTTERCUP!
Narrator:
Well, maybe not.
Blossom:
Buttercup was just trying to get your goat.
Bubbles:
[grabs her stuffed goat] Oh...
Bubbles:
HA! I GOT YOU! YOU'RE DONE! OUT! FINISHED! YOU'RE BEATEN DOWN, SISTER, BY CUTE LITTLE BUBBLES!
Blossom:
Sheesh, relax! It's just a game.
Bubbles:
TGIF!
Blossom:
Bubbles, it's Saturday.
Bubbles:
I know, but what a week. It's root beer time.
Ameoba Boys:
Well?
Princess:
You gave them dolls?
Ameoba Boys:
Voodoo dolls! Let the torture begin!
Mojo Jojo:
You pinheads! You're not supposed to give them the dolls! The dolls are what you stick the needles in!
Ameoba Boys:
So? What's your point?
Professor Utonium:
Not buts! I mean it!
Bubbles:
Anybody want a peanut?
Big Billy:
And so the three little wolves went to the pig's house, and he said, "Fe fi fo fum! You sure have big teeth, Grandma!" And the Hansel and the three blind mice climbed up the beanstalk to sell Mother Goose an old shoe!
Blossom:
[on the phone] Hello?
Mayor:
Hi Blossom!
Blossom:
Hi, Mayor. How are you?
Mayor:
Oh, I'm doing just great. Just great.
Ms. Bellum:
[yelling in the background] Whaddya mean just great? What about that giant fur bag that's eating the town? Why do you think you called the girls in the first place? The town is in trouble. WE NEED THEIR HELP!
Mayor:
Blossom, could you please speak up? Ms. Bellum is yelling.
Mojo Jojo:
But, but, but...
Blossom:
But is right, and yours is about to get kicked!
Bubbles:
It hurts so bad!
Blossom:
The sunburn or the humiliation?
Bubbles:
Both!
Bubbles:
Everybody's going to laugh at us!
Blossom:
No they won't. Lots of superheroes wear capes.
Buttercup:
But they don't wear sheets!
Buttercup:
What's happening?
Bubbles:
We're breaking!
Professor Utonium:
No you're not. You're just pealing.
Mayor:
You mean "unappealing"! THAT'S unappealing.
Buttercup:
Wow, our own movie!
Blossom:
Yeah. And finally, we'll get the recognition we deserve.
Bubbles:
And the premiere. Oh... maybe I'll get a chance to meet Leo!
Buttercup:
I'm the strongest fighter here!
Bubbles:
Yeah, but you are the worst actor.
Bubbles:
Well, I don't have any lines, and I'm the cutest and the favorite!
Narrator:
Oh no! Bernie Bernstein a fraud? And I was promised a part in that movie!
Bubbles:
[looking at a plate of broccoli] Ewww! What's that icky green stuff?
Blossom:
It definately isn't cake.
Buttercup:
It ain't a corn dog.
Bubbles:
I know it's not a hamster.
Blossom/Buttercup:
YOU EAT HAMSTERS?
Bubbles:
No, I like hamsters, and I know I don't like that stuff!
Bubbles:
Is this a stick up?
Blossom:
It's more like a stuck up!
Professor Utonium:
Well, you see, Miss Kean, the girls are superheroes, and saving the world is a big responsibility.
Miss Kean:
Yes, but education is a bigger responsibility.
Professor Utonium:
That am true ma'am.
Buttercup:
In the stomach or in the face?
Mojo Jojo:
How about an option of the third type?
[Bubbles is playing drums, Buttercup on bass, and Blossom on lead guitar]
Bubbles:
[singing] Open your eyes and take in every thing that you see. Look at all the colors, red yellow blue and green. We can take an airplane and fly across the world. Look down upon the colors come on everybody lets go! Because...
Girls:
[singing] Love, Love, love lalalove, lalalove, makes the world go round. Love, Love, love lalalove, lalalove, makes the world go round.
Bubbles:
[singing] Open your ears and listen what the world has to say. Hear the birds and bells and you will have a brighter day. Everyone has a special song, deep inside their heart. If you want to sing with us, it's a perfect place to start.
[Blossom plays a guitar lead]
Buttercup:
[singing] Love love love lalalove, lalalove makes the world go round.
Bubbles:
[singing] You cant hurt me with the things that you do, I'll pick up dandilions and I'll give 'em to you.
Blossom:
[singing] Puppy dogs, kitty cats swimming in love.
Girls:
[singing] Love, Love, love lalalove, lalalove, makes the world go round. Love, Love, love lalalove, lalalove, makes the world go round.
Buttercup:
[referring to the Professor who is dressed as a race car driver] You look like something out of a bad '80s TV show!
Mojo Jojo:
So wonderful of you to come. I'm starved.
[Blossom throws two hot dogs at Mojo]
Mojo Jojo:
I'm not paying for those!
Bubbles:
I'm not a chubby crybaby... I'm not a chubby crybaby...
Girls:
We love...
[blocked out by the sound of a dog barking]
Girls:
It's such a wonderful word!
Blossom:
This isn't funny, K.A.R.R. Could you open the door, please?
K.A.R.R.:
I'm sorry, Blossom. I'm afraid I can't do that.
Bubbles:
[stomach grumbles] Ugh... Professor's chili sure is rumbling my tumbly.
Buttercup:
Hey, Blossom, where'd you get that giant match?
Blossom:
Same place I got the giant jar! Episode 2, Season 1!
Mojo Jojo:
Conjunction Junctions, which have numerous functions.
Buttercup:
Running to the nearest girl with curls.
[Acting all jealous, then looks at Blossom and Bubbles]
Buttercup:
NOT LIKE I CARE!
Buttercup:
Well, I wish there is something that would happen.
Bubbles:
The Gang Green Gang! You wish for them? I thought you were over them.
Buttercup:
Why do you gotta bring up old stuff?
Blossom:
We still need to try our new move.
Buttercup:
You mean the "Razzle Dazzle"? Also known as the "Flower Pedals of Doom"? We haven't even perfected that move yet!
Bubbles:
I still think we should call it "Sassifrass"!
Professor Utonium:
Crying is easy, girls. Comedy is hard.
Mojo Jojo:
Mojo is hungry. Mojo cannot think properly without the proper sustenance in Mojo's stomach.
Blossom:
What's it doing?
Mojo Jojo:
Cheese!
Bubbles:
It's doing cheese?
Mojo Jojo:
I will tell you my favorite story-about the greatest conqueror who ever lived: Napoleon! He was a mighty man, feared by all who looked up to him. Using his genius and his loyal army, he conquered all of Europe, then all of Russia, and finally the whole world. The end.
Girls:
BORING!
Blossom:
Your story's all wrong! Napoleon's 1807 seizure of Portugal and the subsequent rebellion by the Spaniards cost France over 300,000 casualties, untold sums of money, and contributed to the eventual weakening of the Napoleonic empire!
Bubbles:
And your analysis on the invasion of Russia is also incorrect! Napoleon's invasion of 1812 resulted in massive casualties of his troops, due to starvation and inclement conditions, and ended in a disastrous retreat from Moscow with his army defeated!
Buttercup:
Yeah, dummy! And when he returned to France, the allied nations of Europe united against him, which led to his eventual defeat at the Battle of Waterloo on June 18, 1815, whereafter he was exiled to the island of St. Helena, where he died a miserable death from stomach cancer on May 5, 1821, stupid!
Buttercup:
[immitating Blossom] Blossom here. What's the trouble?
Blossom:
Hey! What do you mean, "Blossom here?"
Buttercup:
I'm Blossom now.
Blossom:
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I actually am Blossom, so you can't be Blossom.
Buttercup:
Could you hold on a sec, Mayor? We're playing pretend, right?
Blossom:
Right.
Buttercup:
Then I'm pretending to be Blossom.
Blossom:
Well, you can't.
Buttercup:
Why not?
Blossom:
Because you were playing the monster.
Buttercup:
Well, now I'm playing Blossom.
Blossom:
Well, then who am I supposed to be?
Buttercup:
Bubbles.
Blossom:
No way! You be Bubbles!
Buttercup:
No way! You be Bubbles!
Blossom:
You're Bubbles!
Buttercup:
You're Bubbles!
Blossom:
You're Bubbles!
Buttercup:
You're Bubbles!
Bubbles:
I'll be Bubbles!
Blossom/Buttercup:
YOU CAN'T!
Professor Utonium:
I'll be coming on the last train to Clarksville.
[at the end of "Crazy Mixed Up Puffs"]
Narrator:
And so, once again, the day is saved... thanks to... Blosubblecup... er, um... Buttossubbles... or... Bubbersom... er... ah, skip!
Bubbles:
And Mojo was hurt and I would have kissed his little boo boo but then I realized he was a BAD monkey so I KICKED HIM IN HIS FACE.
Blossom:
Would you stop destroying Townsville with your evil zombie magic, pleeeease?
[Bubbles thinks she's Mojo Jojo]
Blossom:
What evil have you bestowed on our sister?
Mojo Jojo:
You've got to be kidding. I'm wet, I'm naked, your sister is wearing my clothes and this is all part of some diabolical plan to rule the world as a soggy chimp in my birthday suit?
Professor Utonium:
Bring it on, daddy-o.
Mojo Jojo:
Oh that is so LAME. You will PAY for your use of inappropriate dialogue.
[Mojo Jojo and Him are arguing]
Princess:
QUIET. Now listen. It doesn't matter that you've got your little gadgets, or that you're the ultimate evil. All that matters is that I destroy the Powerpuff Girls, which I will because I have the most powerful power in the whole wide world. COLD HARD CASH.
Mojo Jojo:
She has a point there.
Him:
Yes. She does.
[short pause]
Mojo Jojo:
But still.
Him:
Yes.
[arguing continues]
Mojo Jojo:
Will the people in the cheap seats please leave. Everyone else, hand over your jewels.
[after giving Buttercup a dollar]
Professor Utonium:
Buttercup, what do you say?
Buttercup:
What? What CAN I say? Thank you isn't enough to express my gratitude. This is the first piece of currency I've ever owned and it's ALL MINE, to do with whatever I WANT. I've never had this feeling before.
Professor Utonium:
Well, I'm glad you like it.
Buttercup:
Like it? I LOVE IT. The feel, the smell, the taste, the POWER. I now understand why Mojo's always robbing banks.
Mayor:
Do you think I'm blind? Of course I smell it.
Bubbles:
Hey. Are you trying to knock out my teeth?
Buttercup:
No of course not. I'd never do that. No matter how valuable they are.
Buttercup:
Baths are for big fat wussies.
[Storms out, a pause]
Bubbles:
I'm not fat.
[Bubbles has just mauled Blossom, aka the pretend Mojo Jojo]
Blossom:
Bubbles. I'm not Mojo Jojo, I'm Blossom with a pot on my head.
Bubbles:
You were just so convincing...
Bubbles:
Gee, Grandma Babysitter, what big eyes you have.
Jewel Thief:
All the better to see this cereal.
Buttercup:
Gee, Grandma Babysitter, what an interesting mustache you have.
Jewel Thief:
All the better to keep this cereal in my mouth.
Blossom:
Gee, Grandma Babysitter, you sure do have big rabbit ears.
Jewel Thief:
...all the better to...
Bubbles:
You can't have a world without color. Mother Nature has BIG, BIG plans with color.
Mojo Jojo:
I wasn't born a super villain chimp with an oversized brain you know. Evil geniuses are made not born.
Bubba:
What's your sign?
Ms. Bellum:
Stop.
Mayor:
My favorite hat's been ruined. And, oh yeah, Townsville's under attack by an evil demented zombie magician.
Professor:
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go thaw.
Talking Dog:
Well I may be able to talk but I sure as heck can't drive.
Mojo Jojo:
I swear that today is the day that I will develop a plan so diabolical and evil that I will crush the Powerpuff Girls. But first... I must attend to the dishes that I have soiled with the food that I have eaten.
Narrator:
Just because you're a genius doesn't mean you're a smart guy.
Buttercup:
You can't just buy superpowers.
Princess:
Oh yeah? Tell that to Batman.
Ms. Bellum:
What do little boys fear more than anything in the world?
Bubbles:
Bugs.
Buttercup:
No, Bubbles. That's what you're afraid of.
Bubbles:
Oh, yeah.
Mayor:
Mojo Jojo is destroying Soho with his Robo Jojo, and that's a big no-no. So hurry up and go-go.
Blossom:
Ridiculous Lucky Captain Rabbit King. Lucky Captain Rabbit King Nuggets are for the youth.
Bubbles:
Santa, are you crazy? It's summer.
Buttercup:
Shh...
Blossom:
Watching...
Bubbles:
TV...
Narrator:
And so, once again, the day is saved, thanks to... Benjamin Franklin's suggestion of setting clocks back during the winter for extra daylight to conserve economic spending on candles... and the Powerpuff Girls.
Police Chief:
Well I'll be bamboozled.
Mojo Jojo:
Now to catch up on the world's latest events that have happened that this paper has reported with the words that they wrote.
Mojo Jojo:
Curses...
Mojo Jojo:
EGAD. My Ming dynasty vase. The object of the very first crime that I committed.
Narrator:
And so the day is saved, thanks to... Mojo Jojo. You saved the day.
Mojo Jojo:
I did not.
Narrator:
Don't be silly. You gave their ball back.
Mojo Jojo:
I said I didn't.
Narrator:
All right, all right, you didn't. Sheesh. Talk about your grumpy monkey.
Bubbles:
Yeah. We were flying to Mojo Jojo's house. I like flying. Oh, and then there were these really pretty clouds. And there was one that was shaped like a heart, and there was this one that looked like a pretty pony, and there was one that looked like a cloud...
Bubbles:
Yeah. Mojo did a very silly thing, he did, blowing a hole in his house. Boy, was he mad. There was steam coming out of his ears, but I knew that deep down inside he was a sad, poor little monkey.
Blossom:
STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT! YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE! THE MAYOR ISN'T FOLLOWING YOUR STORIES AT ALL!
Buttercup:
Well, maybe he would if you would butt out.
Bubbles:
Yeah! Butt it out! Let me tell the story. I tell it the bestest. Besides, I remember everything like it happened yesterday.
Blossom:
IT HAPPENED TODAY! See? This is what I mean.
Buttercup:
Oh, shut up!
Bubbles:
You don't even know how to tell a good bedtime story.
Buttercup:
Careful, Bubbles. Your ego is showing.
Bubbles:
[scanning herself] Huh? What? Where?
Narrator:
The day is saved... with no thanks to the Powerpuff Girls. Hey, I did it all by myself.
Blossom:
Let's roll.
Princess:
I know you think I'm too little to own my own city, but don't worry. I won't let you down. I'll be the best little capitalist piglet Princess you ever had.
Blossom:
I've had it with your insubordination.
Buttercup:
Well, I've had it with your leadership!
Narrator:
Oh, I just love these stories where you laugh and learn.
Truant Officer:
I was being sarcastic, which is another big word you'll learn in school. But you wouldn't know that considering you've never attended one of this country's great educational facilities, which is a thought that just sickens me.
Soldier:
Roger, Bravo Delta, this is Sitting Duck. I have Bogie Queen in my sights, and I'm, uh, going to shoot bullets at it now.
Reporter:
And it is this reporter's opinion that perhaps none of this would've happened if the Powerpuff Girls would've just saved the day.
Princess:
Go. Hurry. My financial future is at stake.
Buttercup:
OK, let's take care of these knuckleheads and get back to school.
Blossom:
When dealing with Mojo Jojo's mojo, just say no-no.
Old film announcer:
Thank you, Captain Righteous, thank you, Lefty, for putting the 'I Can' back in Amer-I-Can.
Professor Utonium:
My little Bubbles. You'd never guess that only a few months ago she had a bed-wetting problem.
[after some male criminals dress up as the Powerpuff Girls]
Narrator:
Oh, no! Imposter Powerpuffs! What a drag!
Blossom:
[talking with her sisters about who stole their fighting robot DYNAMO and used it to attack the city] Whoever it is must be the most twisted, sadistic lover of carnage in the world.
Bubbles:
Buttercup?
Buttercup:
How can I be in that thing if I'm right out here?
Narrator:
Mojo Jojo! Say it ain't so-so!
K.A.R.R.:
No! Please, wait!
[sobbing]
K.A.R.R.:
I didn't want to be this way.
[crashes, sobbing]
K.A.R.R.:
I was jealous to you girls, okay?
[sobbing]
K.A.R.R.:
All I wanted was Professor to spend some time with me, to read me a bedtime story, to take me to the beach and stuff, and to... love me. Oh, there's something wrong with that,
[sobbing]
K.A.R.R.:
huh?
[everyone cries]
Bubbles:
All right already! We get the picture! We were there, remember?
Bubbles:
You're just jealous.
Bubbles:
I am not, just because Blossom wouldn't do it doesn't mean I would.
Buttercup:
Uh-huh.
Bubbles:
Uh-uh.
Buttercup:
Uh-huh.
Bubbles:
Uh-uh.
Buttercup:
Uh-huh.
Bubbles:
[angrily] Uh-uh!
[Bubbles punches Buttercup down the hall]
Blossom:
It was an accident. It was really good. Really.
[the doll's face has ripped off]
Blossom:
[sadly] I just cause nothing but problems. I guess I'm not needed here anymore.
[Puts a note on a door and walks away]
Professor Utonium:
Oh! A note!
[reads]
Professor Utonium:
"Professor, I have run away...
Blossom:
[in voice over] I'm afraid I had to stay and just cause nothing and make everyone unhappy. I need to find a way to serve people and do good.
Professor Utonium:
"Love Blossom." Oh no!
[Looks at the other note]
Professor Utonium:
What's this?
Mojo Jojo:
[in voice over] Professor: Please disregard first note. I have Blossom. Come alone to my lair. Do not bring Buttercup or Bubbles. You must come without them! When you arrive, you must not be accompanied by anyone, especially Buttercup and Bubbles; they are to remain uninformed by you by not telling them anything. Remember, Mojo know you no fool, so come alone without Buttercup or Bubbles, by yourself, with no one with you, alone, yourself. Mojo.
Blossom:
[reads sadly] I-I-I-I but Ms. Keane, I, I, I.
Ms. Keane:
So, Blossom, is it true?
[Blossom shakes her head]
Ms. Keane:
Then that means you fail, isn't it?
Blossom:
I, I.
Ms. Keane:
Behold!
[the kids gasped]
Ms. Keane:
Children! What is this!
Kids:
The special report card to make certain most of the teachers.
Ms. Keane:
That's right! What should we do now?
Kids:
A test! A test! A test! A test! A test! A test!
[Blossom zooms quickly to the door]
Blossom:
[tries to open door] What's happening?
[everybody stares at her angrily with red eyes, Blossom grunts opening the door, the people trapped her]
Blossom:
[screaming] Ahhhhhh!
Bubbles:
[tears shed out] Just like they're about to hate us.
[Starts to sob, a tear drips]
People of Townsville:
Ahh! Run away! Run away! Ahhh!
[a big splash crashes]
Blossom:
Bubbles! Careful! Seriously!
Bubbles:
Sorry!
[Dries tear off, an eyelash crashes on car]
Man:
Oh, come on! I just had it clean!
Buttercup:
Those jerks! Like I was not suppose... Oh, who am I kidding? They're right. I'm a mess, and I need to change, and I don't know where to start.
Chinese Man:
At the beginning grasshopper.
Mayor:
Girls... What is it that makes a man, a man?
Blossom:
Uhhh...
Ms. Bellum:
I'd love to take care of that baby, girls, but I already have a baby to take care of.
Bubbles:
You have a baby?
Mayor:
Waah! Why can't we name Main Street after me?
Ms. Bellum:
As you can see, girls, a big baby.
Buttercup:
Babies don't even have teeth, stupid! He can't chew a veggie burger!
Bubbles:
That's why I chewed it for him!
Blossom, Buttercup:
Bubbles!
Blossom:
That is so gross!
Bubbles:
Birds do it, and they're not gross.
Buttercup:
They eat worms!
Blossom:
Let's think of something that's already soft. How about chili?
Buttercup:
Yuck! P.U.!
Bubbles:
[looking into the baby's diaper] Eww! It looks like he already had chili!
Buttercup:
What was in that milk?
Bubbles:
Nothing... except veggie burger.
Professor Utonium:
I remember when the premiere issue of "Extreme Chemical Physics" came out. I was so anxious to get a copy I...
[notices the girls are gone]
Professor Utonium:
Oh, is the latest issue out already?
Mojo Jojo:
And each of the girls gave the Professor a swift kick.
[the girls do so]
Mojo Jojo:
Why? Because I don't like him. Not one bit!
Professor Utonium:
Maybe I should encurve their sugar intake.
Buttercup:
Who's dumb idea was it to walk, anyway? Anyone can see these feet aren't made for walking!
Bubbles:
At least it's not raining.
Mojo Jojo:
That's not a bad idea!
Talking Dog:
You sure don't throw like a girl, which, from looking at you, makes a lot of sense.
Talking Dog:
If you ask me, your face ain't so special, but your body... roar!
Mayor:
Now, how's that cookie? You know, Mrs. Mayor made those from scratch.
Talking Dog:
Well, I've had better chips from a litter box, which puts them right near the top. You got to give an old lady credit for trying.
Talking Dog:
Wow, Blossom, it's amazing how silky your hair is, considering it smells so funky.
Bubbles:
Goodness gracious! Sir, you are being slowly digested. We need to get you to a hospital.
Slim:
Why don't you go? You're the bossman.
Bossman:
Huh? I can't go. I'm the getaway driver.
Slim:
But you don't have a car.
Professor Utonium:
Final analysis: Lumpkins, above all things, are stupid. On a side note, never speak of this incident again.
Bubbles:
Boy, a few more seconds, and Fuzzy would have been our mom.
Buttercup:
You mean our dad.
Blossom:
Yeah, and Professor would have been our mom.
Professor Utonium:
I said, never speak of it again!
Narrator:
There's one animal that doesn't play well with others: the mutated monkey Mojo Jojo. In one of his more pathetic disguises, I might add.
Buttercup:
See, Bubbles? I knew it was you!
Bubbles:
Oh, yeah? How do you know it wasn't Blossom?
Blossom:
Buttercup, I bet it was you! You were the first one to point the finger!
Buttercup:
Oh, yeah? Well, you were obviously the most distracted yesterday.
Blossom:
Oh, really? Well, Bubbles has more problems than the two of us combined!
Buttercup:
True.
Bubbles:
Oh, that's funny... coming from the person who sleeps in the middle of the bed!
Blossom:
What?
Blossom:
Who do you think that guy is?
Buttercup:
Maybe he's a prehistoric Robin Hood!
Bubbles:
That explains the elephant.
Bubbles:
Do you have any memories, Mr. Mayor?
Mayor:
Oh, for shoot! I got loads of them! How about the time I came over to your house and hung out in your closet and remembered stuff?
Blossom:
You mean, now?
Mayor:
Oh.
Bubbles:
What are you doing in our closet, Mr. Mayor?
Mayor:
You mean we're not in my house.
Buttercup:
Sorry, Mayor.
Mayor:
Well, that explains all the cool furniture.
Man:
This is the world's first criminal, who fell into a frozen lake centuries ago, probably because he was on the lam.
Bubbles:
That's not a lamb, silly! That's a fuzzy elephant!
Bubbles:
The Mayor has a seed.
Buttercup:
Is that the guy taking your seeds, Mayor?
Blossom:
Mayor, you could have mentioned the caveman and mastadon when you called before.
Mayor:
Oh, was that important?
[a failed experiment on Prof. Utonium's part causes everyone in Townsville to switch bodies]
Mayor:
[in Bubbles' body] Help! We have an emergency situation here!
Professor Utonium:
[in Buttercup's body] We know, Mayor, we've swapped bodies.
Mayor:
[in Bubbles' body] No, no, no! I've got a run in my stocking.
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