advertisement Autolycus: All men think they're fascinating- in my case, it's justified. Hercules: What are you doing here? Iolaus: What do you mean? Hercules: Iolaus, you're dead. Iolaus: Yeah, well, I was kinda hoping you wouldn't notice. Iolaus: Have you ever been wrong? Hercules: I thought so once, but I was wrong. Ares: I can't believe you have these mortals convinced that you're this "Kevin Sorbo" character. Hercules: Some people just aren't ready for the truth. Autolycus: Of course I care about the needs of the people... I happen to be one of them. Autolycus: Ah, my fame spread like wildfire. Iolaus: No, more like a bad rash. Hercules: Rumor has it that Otis stole it from a warlord who had stolen it from someone else. Autolycus: So much for honor among thieves; gives us all a bad name. Autolycus: Gadzooks, if I were a woman I'd kiss myself! Iolaus: The truth hurts doesn't it. Autolycus: Yeah, so does my fist. Loki: Rage makes a poor tactician. [Iolaus tries to fight a giant eel by himself] Lydia: How do you expect to win? Iolaus: You just keep going until something clever occurs to you. [after bopping a thug in the face with his own forehead] Salmoneus: Ahh! How do people do that without getting headaches? [Hercules is walking through a cavern where dozens of Arachne's cocooned victims are bound in spider's web] Hercules: This is one big web site. Trojan Fugitive: [poking a spear at a trembling bush] Come out, spy! Weyland the Slave: [standing up indignantly] I'm not a spy! I'm a slave! Trojan Fugitive: We do not accept slaves in Troy. Weyland the Slave: That's all right. I'm used to prejudice. Hercules: Once you have harpies you can't get rid of them. Autolycus: I hate to break it to you, big guy, you've got harpies.