"Xena: Warrior Princess" 5.9

advertisement Autolycus: Distracts me? A beautiful woman lying naked in a bathtub? [Laughs] Autolycus: ... Where was I? Joxer: There's a lot we can learn from each other, you know. Autolycus: Sure. Hey, why don't you start by teaching me how to disappear without a trace? Joxer: Okay! First, you... [offended] Joxer: Hey! Autolycus: [to Gabrielle] Why is he here? Gabrielle: He knows Jett. Autolycus: No, in a grander sense - why is he here? Xena: I have *many* skills. Lao Ma: Nothing is soft as water. Yet, who can withstand the raging flood? Xena: You always got to me, but you were bad for me, Ares. You still are. Ares: Xena, is there even a chance we could be together one day? I don't know, maybe, you know one in a thousand? Xena: More like one in a billion. Ares: So you're sayin' there is a chance. Xena: Gabrielle, did you know that Joxer simply adores you? Joxer: Could I speak to you privately? Xena: He would crawl 50 miles on broken glass, just to sweat in your shadow. Gabrielle: [Gabrielle assesses her surroundings] "The Elusyian Fields... only heroes wind up here." [a Pause] Gabrielle: "Dead heroes." [She looks down, realizes she is completely naked and covers herself with her arms in disbelief and embarrassment] Gabrielle: "Dead naked heroes." Gabrielle: Your mother loves you. Eve: Then why is she trying to destroy me? Gabrielle: Xena wants to protect you. She won't fight you. Eve: Well, maybe she just hasn't been properly motivated. [Livia puts a blade to Gabrielle's throat] Eve: Oh goody. Mom's here. [then they break into battle] Leah: Heathens to the left of me, infidels to the right! Tremendous! Next thing is you will be telling me you're not virgins! Alti: [Alti appears before Gabrielle in the Spirit Realm] Xena's Little Bitch. Welcome to the doghouse! Leah: Life as a priestess to the virgin goddess Hestia isn't all that hard, the most important rule is to know who you are. Gabrielle: Believe me, if I have to go the rest of my life without companionship, knowing myself won't be a problem. Ares: I never knew you were looking for a father. Xena: I'm not. Ares: Well then someone clearly has the job. Xena: Yeah, Gabrielle. [Gabrielle smirks] Ares: I would have *paid* to see that... Leah: You AREN'T virgins? Gabrielle: Well, *I* was married at the time. Leah: Well, we all have our little EXCUSES, hmm? Gabrielle: [Xena smirks] Were you?