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"Xena: Warrior Princess"
(1995)
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Autolycus:
Distracts me? A beautiful woman lying naked in a bathtub?
[Laughs]
Autolycus:
... Where was I?
Joxer:
There's a lot we can learn from each other, you know.
Autolycus:
Sure. Hey, why don't you start by teaching me how to disappear without a trace?
Joxer:
Okay! First, you...
[offended]
Joxer:
Hey!
Autolycus:
[to Gabrielle] Why is he here?
Gabrielle:
He knows Jett.
Autolycus:
No, in a grander sense - why is he here?
Xena:
I have *many* skills.
Lao Ma:
Nothing is soft as water. Yet, who can withstand the raging flood?
Xena:
You always got to me, but you were bad for me, Ares. You still are.
Ares:
Xena, is there even a chance we could be together one day? I don't know, maybe, you know one in a thousand?
Xena:
More like one in a billion.
Ares:
So you're sayin' there is a chance.
Xena:
Gabrielle, did you know that Joxer simply adores you?
Joxer:
Could I speak to you privately?
Xena:
He would crawl 50 miles on broken glass, just to sweat in your shadow.
Gabrielle:
[Gabrielle assesses her surroundings] "The Elusyian Fields... only heroes wind up here."
[a Pause]
Gabrielle:
"Dead heroes."
[She looks down, realizes she is completely naked and covers herself with her arms in disbelief and embarrassment]
Gabrielle:
"Dead naked heroes."
Gabrielle:
Your mother loves you.
Eve:
Then why is she trying to destroy me?
Gabrielle:
Xena wants to protect you. She won't fight you.
Eve:
Well, maybe she just hasn't been properly motivated.
[Livia puts a blade to Gabrielle's throat]
Eve:
Oh goody. Mom's here.
[then they break into battle]
Leah:
Heathens to the left of me, infidels to the right! Tremendous! Next thing is you will be telling me you're not virgins!
Alti:
[Alti appears before Gabrielle in the Spirit Realm] Xena's Little Bitch. Welcome to the doghouse!
Leah:
Life as a priestess to the virgin goddess Hestia isn't all that hard, the most important rule is to know who you are.
Gabrielle:
Believe me, if I have to go the rest of my life without companionship, knowing myself won't be a problem.
Ares:
I never knew you were looking for a father.
Xena:
I'm not.
Ares:
Well then someone clearly has the job.
Xena:
Yeah, Gabrielle.
[Gabrielle smirks]
Ares:
I would have *paid* to see that...
Leah:
You AREN'T virgins?
Gabrielle:
Well, *I* was married at the time.
Leah:
Well, we all have our little EXCUSES, hmm?
Gabrielle:
[Xena smirks] Were you?
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