Vada: Shelly's already told me all about about sex. Harry Sultenfuss: She told me too. I mean, she told *me* she told *you* about sex. I - I personally knew about sex long before I met Shelly. Vada: I figured you did. Vada Sultenfuss: Why is it boys talk so much, when they have nothing to say? And girls have plenty to say, but no one will listen? Alfred Beidermeyer: UCLA. My Cardigan-Sweater period. Vada Sultenfuss: Life's full of barbaric customs. But I hope they all end with a kiss like that. Rose Zsigmond: And you. I don't suppose your father gave you permission to pierce your ears? Vada Sultenfuss: Not exactly. Rose Zsigmond: Well, just don't shave your legs. Your father will never let you visit us again if I send you back hairless and full of holes. Harry Sultenfuss: Your Dad's a paranoid nitwit who has never let his baby girl out of his sight for the simple reason that he's a paranoid nitwit. Vada: If I get married, I'll never change my name. Nick: Why? You think the guy should change his name? Vada: I don't think anybody should change their names, that way you can't find them when you need them! Nick: What if you don't want to be found? Vada: Why do you argue with everything I say? Vada: I remember before I was born, wounded up like a fur ball in the highly overrated fetal position, luckily I'm not claustrophobic, but on rainy days I still fell a tightness in my left shoulder. So now that my stepmother's pregnant, I understand what the baby's going through, and I'm not jealous at all, really, not at all. Nick: Are you waiting for someone? [Vada stays turned away and does not reply] Nick: Excuse me, I asked you a question. Vada: I'm not supposed to talk to strangers, not even nuns. Nick: Who are you? Hitler's hall monitor? Vada:
I love the fragrance of vintage books.
Nick: I love the fragrance of chili dogs. Alfred Beidermeyer: Don't be a poet, be a TV repairman. Kevin: Vada, if bullshit wore a bra, you'd be top heavy. Hary Sultenfuss: Hey, you're not eating your meatloaf. Shelly DeVoto Sultenfuss: If I eat it I'll throw up. Hary Sultenfuss: Well you should at least try a little bit. Shelly DeVoto Sultenfuss: Then I'll throw up a little bit.