advertisement [Repeated line] Fraser: Thank you kindly. Fraser: There is nothing more frustrating than playing hide and seek with a deaf wolf. Fraser Sr.: February 13 - Ten years ago I would never have walked into something like this. A bear trap so poorly camouflaged a child would have seen it but I didn't. I pried it open and got my leg out but there was no way I could make it back. I was prepared to die out here. And to be honest, I felt I deserved it. A man gets too old for a job he should know it, and stop. But then Buck found me. I don't know how. No one knew where I was going but he found me and carried me back. Three days over terrain a mule couldn't navigate. Laughing his ass off the entire way. Riding like that, completely helpless, slung over Buck's shoulder and staring down his back I came to understand two things. One, at a certain point in life a man's hips spread and there's nothing you can do about it and two, there's a very easy way to define friendship. A friend is someone who won't stop until he finds you and brings you home. Ray Vecchio: Does the word "incarcerate" mean anything to you? Fraser: Well it's from the Medieval Latin, "incarcerata... Ray Vecchio: Medieval Latin? You let a perp go and you're giving me Medieval Latin? Fraser: Actually, "perpetrator" is also Latin, from "perpetrare... Ray Vecchio: Shut up, ok? Just shut up. Fraser: You know, you let a wolf save your life, they make you pay and pay and pay... Fraser: [to Diefenbaker] Stop stealing the blanket. [Diefenbaker whines] Fraser: You're an Arctic Wolf, for God's sake. Fraser: [Repeated line] Oh dear. Fraser: [Repeated line] That's just silly, Ray. Fraser: [Ray is driving] You really should be setting an example, Ray, I mean, you stand for the rule of law and... [Ray turns a corner without indicating] Fraser: There! You just did it again. Ray Vecchio: Did What? Fraser: You know perfectly well what. Ray Vecchio: No, I don't. Fraser: You just made a turn without indicating. Ray Vecchio: I wouldn't do that. Fraser: You just did. Ray Vecchio: You're seeing things. Fraser: I'm not seeing things, Ray. You made a left hand turn at that intersection and you didn't use your... [Ray turns another corner without indicating] Fraser: There! You just did it again. Ray Vecchio: Did what? Fraser: You know, perhaps I'm reading too much into matters but it would appear you're doing this on purpose. Ray Vecchio: Ah, really annoys you, doesn't it? Ray Vecchio: I'm guessing you two don't meet a lot of celebrities. Fraser: Well, we were once inspected by the assistant of the deputy commissioner of the RCMP once. Mark Smithbauer: I can't sleep. Fraser: What is it? Mark Smithbauer: It's 7 p.m. Fraser Sr.: [voice over] They say that every man has a price at which he'll do anything. I like to think it's the other way around; every man has a line, a line he won't cross over, no matter what the cost. Louis Gardino: If we arrested everybody who hated you, we'd pretty much have to shut down this city. Fraser: Grace loves the opera but she can't afford to sit close. Ray Vecchio: Yeah, but she's deaf. Fraser: Well, that doesn't mean she can't enjoy good music. Ray Vecchio: Really? Oh, I thought it did. Ray Vecchio: 16,000 fans screaming in unified hatred against one man and you think you heard what one of them said? Fraser: No, I think I saw what one of them said. Ray Vecchio: Like that's easier. Fraser: Yes, officially it is off the record but I thought you'd be concerned. Ray Vecchio: I never get unofficially concerned. Dawn Charest: Has anyone ever told you, you have phenomenal bone structure? Fraser: Yes, a starving Inuit. Ray Vecchio: The gunman sir, he was wearing a cashmere jacket and he was driving a black Cadillac. These are kind of expensive things for a two-bit hood, would you not say so, sir? Harding Welsh: Detective, I'm surprised you haven't picked up on the little-known fact about thieves - they usually don't pay for things. Elaine Besbriss: I always wanted a pair of ruby slippers. I used to try on my mother's high heels, standing in front of the mirror, click my heels together and say, there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home. Louis Gardino: Me too. Ray Vecchio: Did I mention it was my day off? Fraser: Several times. Fraser: I'll just be a minute. Ray Vecchio: All right, I'm counting down. 1... 2... 3... 4... Fraser: Technically, that's counting up. Ray Vecchio: Get the hell outta here! 9... 10... Ray Vecchio: He's got so many politicians in his pocket he walks with a limp. Ray Vecchio: [to Diefenbaker] What is the most unglamorous, unromantic place you could possibly take a woman? [a garbage truck drives past and Diefenbaker gives chase] Ray Vecchio: Oh, come on! A garbage truck? Not even Fraser's that... Hold on Benny! [Ray runs after the truck] Ray Vecchio: [to his father's ghost] Don't you have things to do in hell or wherever you are? Ray Vecchio: Well, I'll be. Fraser: Be what, Ray? Fraser Sr.: You did forget my birthday. Fraser: You were dead! Inspector Meg Thatcher: I don't dislike animals, Fraser. I've had pets. Fraser: Really? Inspector Meg Thatcher: Small ones. A dachshund. Fraser: Ah. Inspector Meg Thatcher: He died. Ray Vecchio: [voice over from sewer] This is a swill pit. You brought me into a swill pit. Fraser: [voice over from sewer] No, it's not a swill pit, Ray. First of all, swill entails a more pungent odour and a pit is generally a circular indentation with only one entrance from the top. This however fits the definition of a tunnel. A long, straight... Ray Vecchio: [thud] [voice over from sewer] Ray Vecchio: Ow! Fraser: [voice over from sewer] Correction, a long, meandering tunnel. Ray Vecchio: Please tell me this doesn't involve sub-zero temperatures or Inuit legend. Fraser: No, it does not. Ray Vecchio: Of course it does. It always does. Fraser: I'm sure if the situation were reversed, you'd do exactly the same for me. Ray Vecchio: Not in a million years. Fraser: It takes seven fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown. Save your energy, you're going to need it in your child bearing years. Inspector Meg Thatcher: Why are they staring at me? Fraser: I suspect they're terrified, ma'am. Ray Vecchio: How do I get out of this town? Woman behind counter: Left at the corner. Ray Vecchio: Well, I don't have a car. Woman behind counter: Then you have a problem. Ray Vecchio: You have no idea. Is there a car rental agency? Woman behind counter: Apollo 13 rentals. Ray Vecchio: How about a bus? Woman behind counter: Last one went through an hour ago. Ray Vecchio: Does the space shuttle fly over any time soon? Woman behind counter: Ask Bob. Ray Vecchio: I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a dull spoon. [the woman offers Ray a plastic spoon] Ray Vecchio: No, no, it's just an expression. Colonel Shank: [to Fraser and Ray] Now you have been spared the full weight of these penalties thanks to the intercession of the city of Chicago and the government of Canada. Both of whom have requested leniency, claiming, er, diminished mental capacity. Ray Vecchio: You know, Benny, I'm really glad you're back, but er, do you mind shutting up? Fraser: I first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my father and, for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, I've remained, attached as liaison with the Canadian Consulate. Fraser: She shot my hat, Ray. Ray Vecchio: [incredulous that this matters] She shot you in the hat? Fraser: [very serious] I can feel air coming in through the hole. Ray Vecchio: [serious] She shot you in the hat. Fraser: How does it look? Ray Vecchio: Doesn't look good. Fraser: We'll have to go home and get my other one. Ray Vecchio: We can do that, Fraser. Fraser: Thanks, Ray.