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"Rocko's Modern Life"
(1993)
-
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Rocko:
Excuse me, sir. But garbage and dogs are not part of a balanced diet.
Heffer:
I don't OWN any spandex!
Heffer:
Look out everyone! He's visually impaired!
Rocko:
If this marriage is going to break up our friendship, I'd rather be deported!
Heffer:
Hey Rock! Do that goofy face you do when you're buying eggs!
Filburt's son:
Why do we wear these things on our shoulders?
Filburt:
Because... it's the future! Thank you for stopping by.
French Guy:
Ahhh, this is no problem. She's at the Eiffel Tower!
Rocko:
Really?
French Guy:
Sure! All cheesy love stories end there!
Eagle:
A wallaby in a boat waving a fish... That's odd - yet strangely appetizing!
Rocko:
Garbage day is a very dangerous day.
Rocko:
Grocery day is a very dangerous day, but at least we got food.
Rocko:
[trying to turn the Suck-o-Matic off] I must cease this senseless sucking!
[keeps pulling and pushing the switch and nothing happens]
Rocko:
It's stuck in suck!
Grandpa Wolfe:
I say we eat the beaver!
Rocko:
Um... yes... uh... Turdy was a, um, bird.
Filbert:
Oh, that's so beautiful!
[repeated line]
Fat Man:
I thought I told you to keep your bird away from MY MONKEY!
Heffer:
Give me another order!
Filburt:
You turn the page, wash your hands. Turn the page, wash your hands. Turn the page, wash your hands...
Filburt:
You turn the page, wash your hands.
Filburt:
I'm nauseous! I'm nauseous! I'm nauseous!
Entire Cast:
[singing] R-E-C-Y-C-L-E recycle! C-O-N-S-E-R-V-E conserve! Don't you dare P-O-L-L-U-T-E pollute the rivers, sky or sea or else you're gonna get... what you deserve!
Mr. Cheese:
I am the cheese. I am the best character on this show. I am better than the salami and the bologna combined.
Heffer:
[after finding Rocko in the dumpster, his nail-biting problem out of control] All this toe-chewing is making me hungry. Let's go get some chili!
Rocko:
Heff, everybody's bonkers for me bum!
Heffer:
I know. You've got the most famous fanny in O-Town!
Rocko, Filburt:
[opening the door and finding out it's Rocko's deportation officer] WHAT IN THE HELLL... LO?
Heffer:
Through the use of sophisticated computer technology, and a box of crayons, we have constructed a likeness of Dingo today.
Ed Bighead:
Rocko, what're you doing?
Rocko:
[With a paddle in his hand] We're playing spank the monkey.
Rocko's Boss:
[voiceover] Don't touch the green button!
Ed Bighead:
I'm calling the phone!
[to Spunky]
Ed Bighead:
Hey you! Get out of my salmon bushes!
[repeated line]
Heffer:
Oooo-ooo; that was a hoot!
Filburt:
I'm wearing European Style Undergarments!
Rocko:
I've always liked... rainbows
Heffer:
Rocko!
Crappy Jack:
Arr, and then, I heard a scream so loud it could be heard down in Davy Jones' locker. Mickey Dolenz's locker too, and Peter Tork's locker. All the Monkees had lockers...
Crappy Jack the Sailor:
I turned leeward in time to witness the full sail yardarm give way and came crashing down on my midshipman's hind quarters. He let out a scream that could be heard all the way down in Davy Jones' locker. Micky Dolenz's locker too, and Peter Tork's locker. All the Monkees had lockers.
Anchorman Fran:
Now to Fran at the courthouse. Fran? Thanks, Fran. Well, this may very well be the trial of the century, and the question on everyone's mind is: What the heck is Rocko? Is he some kind of dog?
Kangaroo:
I think he's a rabbit.
French Guy:
A rabbit.
Spunky:
You're asking *me*?
Anchorman Fran:
Everyone seems to have an opinion. Excuse me... may I ask you something?
Heffer:
[in disguise] Umm... Me llamo Francior!
Filburt:
[in disguise] And I don't speak English!
O-Town News Anchor:
Wacky Delly is degrading garbage. Its confused social morals and disturbing undertones are tormenting the youths of our nation. Kids everywhere are mindlessly imitating Wacky Delly antics. In Garberville, California. In Ogallala, Nebraska. For God's sake, WE'VE GOT TO STOP THE CARNAGE.
Filburt:
[after he gets a watch that glows in the dark] Ask me what time it is.
Rocko:
Oh my! A house made of healthy snacks!
Heffer:
Healthy Snacks? No way! The house is made of pizza!
Rocko:
Healthy snacks!
Heffer:
Pizza!
Rocko:
Healthy Snacks!
Heffer:
Pizza!
Rocko:
Healthy snacks!
Heffer:
Pizza!
Filburt:
No! You're both wrong! The house is made of fishsticks!
Peaches:
[with ping-pong paddle] .. .. .. 664!... 665!
[messes up; growls]
Peaches:
.. .. .. ..
Gladys the Big Hippo Lady:
How dare you!
Filburt:
Look behind you! A wild pig!
The Wild Pig Lady:
I'm a wild pig!
Filburt:
[behind the counter at the mall food court] Stuff On A Stick: Stick your face in our stuff.
Bev Bighead:
[Rocko is screwing in a light bulb] Rocko, could I interrupt you for a moment? There is a spider in the bathroom. Would you mind shooing him out for me?
Rocko:
Don't worry, Mrs. Bighead. I'll get rid of him.
[Rocko opens the bathroom door. A rather large spider struggles on the toliet, holding a newspaper. The spider sees Rocko]
Spider:
[Yiddish accent] Hey! Vad is dis, a sideshow?
[Ed Bighead walks into his home. Rocko has no shirt on. Bev is handing him a bit of cash. She sees him, and plants a *large* smooch on him. Rocko steps back]
Rocko:
Uh, er... Mr. Bighead! It's not what you think! I was just
[points]
Rocko:
... um, and she...
[Rocko begins falling apart, like a Jenga game]
Ed Bighead:
[angry] You saw my wife in her bath robe?
[disturbed]
Ed Bighead:
Isn't it awful?
[Ed is spying on Rocko's backyard, where a nudist party is being held]
Ed Bighead:
Bev! Oh, I can't believe it! Do you know what that *weirdo* next door is up to?
Bev Bighead:
Oh, shut up and mind your own business, Ed.
Ed Bighead:
But, Bev! They're, well... *Nude*!
[Excited, Bev grabs the binoculars from Ed]
Bev Bighead:
Oh, Ed! Oh, you're right! Yes! This is disgusting!
[in whisper]
Bev Bighead:
Quick, Ed, get the telescope out of the hall closet!
Rocko:
[leading the cast to the doors of Conglom-O, where they are confronted by a laconic guard] We demand to speak to the board of directors!
Security Guard:
Uh-huh. And you would be...?
Heffer:
We're a biiig, unruly mob!
Entire Cast:
[singing, with choreography] We're a big, unruly mooooob!
Really Really Big Man:
You monsters are all alike. You march in here like you own the place and start redecorating.
Really Really Big Man:
Look into my nipples of the future.
Ed Bighead:
[singing] Oh, I don't have the patience to recycle! I don't care about the o-zone layer! I don't buy a single thing that's biodegradeable and I just dump my garbage anywhere!
Ed Bighead:
[singing] Oh, I don't have the patience to recycle. I don't care about the o-zone layer. I don't buy a single thing that's biodegradeable and I just dump my garbage anywhere.
[gets fried by sudden blast of sunlight]
Captain Compost Heap:
So you see, kids... If we're not nice to Mother Nature... she'll kick your butts.
Leon Chameleon:
Let me tell you something... This machine... is worth more than you!
Chuck Chameleon:
It is not for beginners!
Rocko:
Don't worry, Heff, we can still have a nice Thanksgiving. I bought us a nice big vegetarian turkey. It'll be delicious!
Heffer:
No, it's not the same.
[Rocko, Heffer and Filburt are about to be hit with bowling balls by the Schitzel Cult]
Rocko:
You can't chuck bowling balls at us!
Schnitzel Cult Leader:
Yes, we can. Says so in the Great Book of Bratwurst.
[reads]
Schnitzel Cult Leader:
"And if there is one among you who does not follow the ways of the Schnitzel, let that one go, and do not throw bowling balls at them."
Rocko:
You see? It says let us go.
Schnitzel Cult Leader:
It's a matter of interpretation.
Rocko:
Hef, where did you get a motorcycle?
Heffer:
I saved my snack money for a whole week.
Heffer:
I'm starving. What's the biggest thing on the menu?
Cashier:
That would be our Knockwurst Nightmare Platter, 570 pounds of ground pig parts packed tightly but tantalizingly into over two miles of intestinal tubing. No-one has ever finished the Nightmare Platter.
Heffer:
I'll take two.
Cashier:
There aren't enough pigs in the country, sir.
[singing]
Entire Cast:
Rocko fought City Hall!
Rocko:
And I won, too.
Entire Cast:
Rocko fought Corporate America! They were big and he was small!
Entire Cast:
But not too small.
Rocko:
Rocko fought City Hall.
Heffer:
If you were a true friend, you'd burn my butt. C'mon, brand me, brand me, brand me.
Peaches:
I am the Dark Underlord, the Prince of Doom, the King of Eternal Torment! I am Pain! I am Evil! They call me... Peaches!
Peaches:
This is a 1954 McSpirit Spectervision 3000, and it belongs to me! Do you know what that makes it?
Heffer:
Um... I give up.
Peaches:
It's the TV from Heck!
[Heffer and Peaches laugh]
Heffer:
Wait a minute. Heck? Isn't it supposed to be...
Peaches:
[Covers Heffer's mouth] Censors! And here's the lamp from Heck, and the pineapple from Heck...
Heffer:
I love it when people say that.
Heffer:
Can you pass the remote?
Peaches:
You poor fool. Still don't realize where you are? There is no remote!
Heffer:
Aaaaugh!
Heffer:
Hey, Rocko. Which is funnier, bananas or cheese?
Rocko:
Cheese, Hef. Definitely cheese.
[At the funeral for Filburt's bird, Turdy]
Filburt:
Heffer, would you like to say a few words?
Heffer:
Uh... Beans, beans, they're good for your heart, the more you eat...
Filburt:
All right, that's enough of that.
Rocko:
I'm not a dog, I'm a wallaby!
Dog Catcher:
A wallaby?
Rocko:
Yeah. It's like a kangaroo, only smaller.
Dog Catcher:
You made that up!
Entire Cast:
[sining in unision] He doesn't know the words!
Rocko:
SHUT UP!
Heffer:
You know, I died once.
Filburt:
Really?
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