advertisement Anna Madrigal: Welcome to my little bordello. [Mona opens Michael's door to find him in bed with Jon] Mona Ramsay: Hi, I'm Nancy Drew. You must be the Hardy Boys. Mona Ramsay: Coke? Mary Ann Singleton: No thanks, I'm on a diet. Do you have any Fresca? Mrs. Madrigal: Good. You're one of us then. Welcome to 28 Barbary Lane. Mary Ann Singleton: Thank you. Mrs. Madrigal: Yes, you should. Mary Ann Singleton: Do you have any objection to pets? Mrs. Madrigal: Dear, I have no objection to anything. Mona Ramsay: Mouse. Jesus. I figured you got kidnapped by the CIA. Michael: Long time, huh? Mona Ramsay: Three months. Michael: Yeah, that's about my average. Mona Ramsay: Oh, you got the shaft? Michael: Well, we parted amiably enough. He was terribly civilized about it and I sat in Lafayette Park and cried all morning. Yeah, I got the shaft. Mrs. Madrigal: He's a sweet boy, Mona. I approve of him wholeheartedly. Mona Ramsay: You make it sound like we're married or something. Mrs. Madrigal: There are all kinds of marriages, dear. Mona Ramsay: I don't think you understand the trip with me and Michael. Mrs. Madrigal: Mona, lots of things are more binding than sex. They last longer too. Mary Ann Singleton: So, what do you do for fun? Connie Bradshaw: You name it. Mary Ann Singleton: I'd rather not. [Mary Ann and Connie are at a disco] Connie Bradshaw: The trick is to look bored with it all. Mary Ann Singleton: That shouldn't be hard. I though if we were going out we'd go to Chinatown for some dim sum or... Connie Bradshaw: Hon, if you wanna get laid I wouldn't make Chinatown your first stop. Mary Ann Singleton: I didn't say anything about getting laid. Connie Bradshaw: You don't have to for Christ's sake. Look, if you can deal with your sexuality, you're gonna get screwed but good in this town. Mary Ann Singleton: [sarcastic] Oh, I like that. You make it sound like a country-western song. Connie Bradshaw: Come on, and try not looking like Tricia Nixon reviewing the troops. [first lines] Mary Ann's Mother: Hellooo? Mary Ann Singleton: Mom, It's me. Mary Ann's Mother: What's the matter did you miss your plane? Mary Ann Singleton: No. I didn't Mary Ann's Mother: You know darling we were just talking about you... Mary Ann Singleton: Would you call Mr. Lassiter and say I won't be in on Monday? Michael: [answering phone] The boring residence of Miss Mary Ann Singleton Mary Ann Singleton: [grabbing receiver] MICHAEL!!!! Mary Ann's Mother: Mary Ann? Mary Ann Singleton: oh.. Hi Mom. [takes phone into bedroom] Mary Ann's Mother: Oh my God. We haven't heard from you in weeks. Mary Ann Singleton: Sorry. It's been hectic. Mary Ann's Mother: Who was that man? Mary Ann Singleton: Who? Oh. Michael. Heeeee's.... Mary Ann's Mother: What's his last name? Mary Ann Singleton: What? Mary Ann's Mother: His last name Mary Ann. Don't you KNOW his last name? Oh my God...I saw something like this on "McMillan and Wife" just last week and... Mary Ann Singleton: [walking out of bedroom holding receiver aloft for Mona and Michael to hear] What difference does it make what his last name is? Mary Ann's Mother: You know darling, your father and I were talking and we thought you deserved a chance to try your wings. But we can't just let you throw your life away. Mary Ann Singleton: It's my life to throw Mom. Mary Ann's Mother: No it's not. Not when you apparently don't have the maturity to... Mary Ann Singleton: Well how would you know? Mary Ann's Mother: Mary Ann, a strange man answered the phone. Mary Ann Singleton: He's not a strange man Mom. He's a homosexual [mouthing "shhhhhhh" to Mona and Michael as Mona makes devil's antennae over Michael's head] Mary Ann's Mother: WHAT? Mary Ann Singleton: I know you've heard of them. They have them on TV now!!!