John Bubber: I think there's a hero in all of us. Bernie LaPlante: You're a goddamn saint, John. Pardon the vulgarity. Bubber: So you don't want the credit? LaPlante: I don't take credit; I'm a cash kind of guy. Bernie LaPlante: You gotta look out for Goddamn number-one, pardon-the-vulgarity. Deke, Channel 4 News Director: Have you ever heard more drivel, coming from someone who's not even the President? Bernie LaPlante: Prisons are for tough guys... prisons are for guys who beat each other up, lift weights... fuck each other. John Bubber: We're all heroes if you catch us at the right moment. Bernie LaPlante: [Bernie drives through a rainstorm] I know why it's raining. I coulda predicted it. It's raining because my fucking wipers are all fucked up. If my wipers were okay, the fucking sun would be shining, AT NIGHT. Bernie LaPlante: You remember when I said how I was gonna explain about life, buddy? Well the thing about life is, it gets weird. People are always talking ya about truth. Everybody always knows what the truth is, like it was toilet paper or somethin', and they got a supply in the closet. But what you learn, as you get older, is there ain't no truth. All there is is bullshit, pardon my vulgarity here. Layers of it. One layer of bullshit on top of another. And what you do in life like when you get older is, you pick the layer of bullshit that you prefer and that's your bullshit, so to speak. Passenger: [the plane crashes and Bernie stares at it wide-eyed] Please help us! Bernie LaPlante: ...these are $100 dollar shoes! Bernie LaPlante: [crawling through the burning plane attempting to find a man] Fletcher! Hey Fletcher! Where are you? Mr. Smith: Sir, please help me! Bernie LaPlante: [noticing this man caught in the seats] Are you Fletcher? Mr. Smith: No, my name is Smith. Bernie LaPlante: Well fuck you! Where's Fletcher?