Carl: Hey, that's not easy, what I just did! Cosmo: There I was in prison. And one day I help a couple of older gentlemen make some free telephone calls. They turn out to be, let us say, good family men. Martin Bishop: Organized crime? Cosmo: Hah. Don't kid yourself. It's not that organized. Cosmo: Pollution. Crime. Drugs, poverty, disease, hunger, despair - we throw GOBS of money at them and problems only get worse. Why is that? Because money's most powerful ability is to allow bad people to continue doing bad things at the expense of those who don't have it. Martin Bishop: I agree. Now who did you say you were working for? Cosmo: Oh, that's just my day job. Cosmo: Who else is going to change the world, Marty? Greenpeace? Cosmo: There's a war out there, old friend. A world war. And it's not about who's got the most bullets. It's about who controls the information. What we see and hear, how we work, what we think... it's all about the information! Mother: We got bubkes! We turn ourselves in now, they'll give us twenty years in the electric chair! Cosmo: The world isn't run by weapons anymore, or energy, or money. It's run by little ones and zeroes, little bits of data. It's all just electrons. Martin Bishop: You know I could have been in the NSA, but they found out my parents were married. [Abbott asks them what they want in return for the decryption chip] Whistler: I want peace on earth and good will toward man. Bernard Abbott: Oh this is ridiculous. Martin Bishop: He's serious. Whistler: I want peace on earth and goodwill toward men. Bernard Abbott: We're the United States Government! We don't deal with that sort of thing. Martin Bishop: You're just gonna have to try. Bernard Abbott: All right, I'll see what I can do. Whistler: Thank you very much. That's all I ask.
Crease: Now what are you saying, the NSA killed Kennedy? Mother: No, they shot him but they didn't kill him. He's still alive. Carl: It's fascinating what 50 bucks will get you at the county recorder's office. Playtronics Corporate Headquarters, the complete blueprints. Martin Bishop: Very good. Very good, Carl. Where'd you get the 50 bucks? Carl: Took it from Mother's wallet. Martin Bishop: Good. Cosmo: Posit: People think a bank might be financially shaky. Martin Bishop: Consequence: People start to withdraw their money. Cosmo: Result: Pretty soon it is financially shaky. Martin Bishop: Conclusion: You can make banks fail. Cosmo: Bzzt. I've already done that. Maybe you've heard about a few? Think bigger. Martin Bishop: Stock market? Cosmo: Yes. Martin Bishop: Currency market? Cosmo: Yes. Martin Bishop: Commodities market? Cosmo: Yes. Martin Bishop: Small countries? Cosmo: You will give me the box, right now, or I will kill you, right now. Cosmo: I cannot kill my friend. [to his henchmen] Cosmo: Kill my friend. [Mother (the conspiracy theorist) is reading a tabloid] Mother: Cattle mutilations are up. Donald Crease: Don't. Mother: Sorry. College-Aged Bishop: Richard Nixon's personal checking account is in here! College-Aged Cosmo: Oh, this is a challenge. Marty, we have to find someone truly worthy to give his money to. College-Aged Bishop: How about... the National Organization to Legalize Marijuana? College-Aged Cosmo: Perfect! Mother: They've even got photos of the guy leaving the embassy, through the back service entrance. Hey, Crease, you on? Donald Crease: Yeah, I'm on. Mother: Were you still in C.I.A. in '72? Donald Crease: Yeah, why? Mother: Did you know the Deputy Director of Planning was down in Managua, Nicaragua the day before the earthquake? Donald Crease: Now what are you saying, the C.I.A. caused the Managua earthquake? Mother: Well, I can't prove it, but... Dick Gordon: National Security Agency. Martin Bishop:
Ah. You're the guys I hear breathing on the other end of my phone.
Dick Gordon: No, that's the FBI. We're not chartered for domestic surveillance. Martin Bishop: Oh, I see. You just overthrow governments. Set up friendly dictators. Dick Gordon: No, that's the CIA. We protect our government's communications, we try to break the other fella's codes. We're the good guys, Marty. Martin Bishop: Gee, I can't tell you what a relief that is... Dick. [Gordon tells Bishop a scientist has gotten $380,000 from Russia] Martin Bishop: Gimme a break. We won, they lost, you know? It's been in a couple of the papers. Donald Crease: You guys'll be chalk outlines without me. Mother: Uh, could we maybe just go back to the "they might kill us" part? Gregor: Uh, new title: "Cultural Attache." Martin Bishop: Unbelievable. Gregor: Last few years has been very confusing for people in my line of work. Martin Bishop: How's the audio? Whistler: Good, Mother's pretty close. Donald Crease: He's just wearing four safety belts this time. Martin Bishop: What, no parachute? Whistler: Fellas, Janek's little black box is on his desk between the pencil jar and the lamp. Mother: Uh, Whistler, I hate to tell you this, but you're blind. Mother: O.K., boss, this LTX-27 concealable mike is part of the same system that NASA used when they faked the Apollo moon landings. Yeah, the astronauts broadcast around the world from a soundstage at Norton Airforce Base in San Bernadino, California. So it worked for them, shouldn't give us too many problems. Mother: But the key meeting took place July 3rd, 1958, when the Air Force brought the space visitor to the White House for an interview with President Eisenhower. And Ike said, "hey look, give us your technology, we'll give you all the cow lips you want." [asking each team member what they'll do with their share of the money] Martin Bishop: Carl? Carl: [helium voice] I'd like to have a deep relationship with a beautiful woman who melts from the very first time our eyes meet. [others laughing] Martin Bishop: We're not getting paid that much, Carl. Carl: Well, you know, someone like Liz. Martin Bishop: We're definitely not getting paid that much. Donald Crease: There isn't a government on this planet that wouldn't kill us all for that thing. Whistler: That was very good, Bish. Remind me to make you an honorary blind person. Cosmo: