advertisement Narrator: Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Doctor Sam Beckett led an elite group of scientists into the desert to develop a top secret project, known as QUANTUM LEAP. Pressured to prove his theories or lose funding, Doctor Beckett, prematurely stepped into the Project Accelerator and vanished. He awoke to find himself in the past, suffering from partial amnesia and facing a mirror image that was not his own. Fortunately, contact with his own time was made through brainwave transmissions, with Al, the Project Observer, who appeared in the form of a hologram that only Doctor Beckett could see and hear. Trapped in the past, Doctor Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, putting things right, that once went wrong and hoping each time, that his next leap will be the leap home. Sam: I'm in a soap opera! Al: We prefer Daytime Drama. Sam: We...? You watch this stuff? Al: Well, Tina had me watching some of this stuff when I was down with the flu, and Sam, *everybody*... Sam: I know Al: ...is sleeping... Sam: I know Al: ...with *everybody*! Sam: I know! Sam: I can't have a life. All I do is live someone else's life. I right their wrongs, I fight their fights - geez, I feel like I'm Don Quixote. Al: Don't do anything I wouldn't do. And if you do, take pictures. Sam: It all started when a time travel experiment I was conducting went... a little ka-ka. In the blink of a cosmic clock I went from quantum physicist to air force test pilot. Which could have been fun... if I knew how to fly. Fortunately, I had help. An observer from the project named Al. Unfortunately, Al's a hologram, so all he can lend is moral support. Anyway, here I am. Bouncing around in time, putting things right which once went wrong. A sort of time traveling Lone Ranger, with Al as my Tonto. And I don't even need a mask. Oh boy. [Repeated line] Sam: Oh, boy ... [talking about God] Sam: In case you haven't noticed, Al, the Committee isn't running this Project anymore... He is. Al: Women - you can't trust 'em. They don't understand the double standard. Sam: I'm running track, Al. Al: Oh, well look, you pump your arms and you pump your legs and drive through the tape. Sam: You were a runner too? Al: No, but it sounds good, doesn't it? Al: Their only desire is for you to pamper them, and play with their... Sam: Al! Al: With their hair! Their hair! Al: We're making preparations for Tina's birthday party and she wants me to pop out of the cake. You'll never believe what she wants me not to wear. Al: What about the Quantum Rules? You have to at least pretend that you are who you leap into. Sam: That's if I'm a human. I'm not a human, I'm a chimp. We don't have rules for chimps, do we? Al: You can't get off on a technicality. [his life in the 70's] Sam: Great. I'm on the take, I wear polyester clothes and I live above a bar in an apartment decorated like a gym. [about Al] Sam: The fact that you were a practicing pervert at the age of 5 has nothing to do with the rest of the world! Sam: What is she doing in Syracuse? Al: I bet a lot people ask themselves that question. Sam: Leaping about in time, I've found that there are some things in life that I can't change, and there are some things that I can. To save a life, to change a heart, to make the right choice. I guess that's what life's about [making up a radio news piece] Sam: Flash! President Eisenhower in a surprise move resigned from office this morning in order to join a Buddhist monastery. Said Ike 'I just like being around guys with less hair then me.' [Sam couldn't save JFK from being shot] Al: Your swiss-cheesed brain probably doesn't remember, but... the first time around, Oswald killed Jackie, too. [about Al] Sam: At last, something sexual he's NOT into. [Sam has Leaped into a robber sentenced to death by electrocution] Al: Sam, you're going to die on May 14th. That's in two days. Sam: I know that Al! Why? Al: Why? Well, probably because you can't live with two thousand volts of electricity going through your body! Al: If we knew the unknown, the unknown wouldn't be unknown. Al: I went over to check out the cheerleaders. Oh, Sam. There was one little girl who had these pommelos, man. Sam: Pommelos are grapefruit. Al: Pommel - that's my point! Al: Oh, well, almost all animals can see me. But you know, there must be something weird lookin' about me, because I seem to intimidate them. Sam: Maybe it's your clothes. Sam: Say something to me in Spanish. Al: Uh, tu casa o mi casa. Sam: My place or yours - Al! Al: There are five stages of love. The first is denial, then the second is sex, then there's acceptance, then there's divorce... and then there's more sex, if you're lucky. Sam: Who wrote this textbook, you or Zsa Zsa? Al: Don't tell me, let me guess, you've been invited to a costume party and your going as a baked potato. [Sam is a female secretary in 1961, and his boss is hitting on him] Sam: This is sexual harassment! Buddy Wright: I don't know what that is, but I like the sound of it! Al: Ziggy had a new data search component installed and we had to have it shipped in from Hong Kong and I think that gave a little jet-lag to the modem of the floppy disk. Sam: Why do you make this stuff up all the time? Why don't you just say to me, 'Sam, we don't know.' Why don't you just do that for once, instead of making it up all the time? Al: Well, that wouldn't be any fun. Sam: Do you have to sneak up on me? Al: I'm sorry. What do you expect a hologram to do? Knock? [Sam has leapt into the middle of a Jewish ceremony] Sam: Oy vey, I'm the rabbi! [Al has suddenly materialized] Sam: Can't you just fade in, or something? Al: You tell me how to fade in a neurological hologram, and I'll make the cover of Scientific American! Sam: Do you know what I have to do today? I have to have lunch with some woman, who won this... soap detergent contest! Al: Well, look at it this way, at least she'll be clean! Have a nice lunch! Sam: They're going to put what happened to me here, and put it in the show! Is that ethical? Al: No, it's television! the Devil (as Al): What gives you the right to leap about time, putting right what I made wrong. Sam: I'm just trying to get home. the Devil (as Al): Well, you're not going to make it! Sam: Where the hell were you? Al: I was at the Laker game. It went into overtime. Sam: A ball game? I nearly died because you were at a ball game? Al: It wasn't just a ball game. It was a play-off game. At the party later, I met this dish named Martha. Sam: I guess I can thank God you didn't spend the night with this Martha. Al: Well, I did. Al: [singing, trying to remember the lyrics] All around the something... the monkey chased the weasel... the monkey did something... and something happened to the weasel. Al: Well, we been having some difficulty. Ziggy, he's, uh, going through mood swings. I think we need get a girl computer put it right next to him, one with a nice set of *hard* disks. Sam: You would. Sam: [Sam and Al have switched places] Damn it, Ziggy! Tell me something I don't know! Ziggy: Tina's having an affair with Gushie.