Herb: There's a girl there who will do *anything you want* for fifty dollars an hour. Ed: Like what? Herb: Anything! If you want she'll dress like Santa Claus! Ed: Will she bring me a pony? Ed Okin: Are we under arrest or what? FBI Agent: I think you fall into the "or what" category. [a federal agent brings Diana and Ed to a motel room for a private conference] Ed: Are we under arrest, or what? Federal Agent: I'd say you fall into the "or what" category. Diana: If he's still there, you better let him go if you ever want to see those stones alive... a-again... ever. [the federal agent turns to leave the couple alone with $750,000, less some wads of bills stuffed into his pockets] Ed: Do we *thank* you, or what? Federal Agent: I'd say I fall in the "or what" category. Ed: [surrounded by several people pointing guns] This is ridiculous. Diana: Elvis wouldn't do this, I knew him. Charlie: You may have fucked him, but you didn't know him. Herb: When *was* the last time you fucked your wife? Ed: You're a classy guy, Herb. Colin Morris: [Ed is waiting outside the Tiffany store for Diana] You're very good. You're really very good. I'm amazed we've not met before. Ed: I beg your pardon? Colin Morris: I've been watching you ever since you left Caper's yacht. Very impressive. Ed: Oh yeah? Colin Morris: You can stop performing now, Ed. If that's your name. Ed: Heh, I don't know, what are you talking about? Colin Morris: OK. I represent Monsieur Melville, and I can assure you that he will be far more reasonable than the SAVAK. Ed: The SAVAK? Colin Morris: The Shah's secret police. Death squad. Iranian gestapo. *Shaheen's* boys. Ed: ...Shaheen's boys... Colin Morris: Heh, heh, I like you Ed. I do like you. You're very good. [Draws pistol, puts it in Ed's mouth.] Colin Morris: The stones. Ed: What? Colin Morris: Where are the stones? Ed: I can't help you. Colin Morris: [Cocks pistol.] We do understand each other, don't we? Ed: Uh, I don't know. Colin Morris: [Sees police car approaching, puts pistol away.]
Very good. Very impressive. I'm sure we'll chat again.
Bud Herman: [Opens his front door, sees the four SAVAK guys.] Who the hell are you? [SAVAK pulls gun.] Bud Herman: Won't you come in? Shaheen Parvici: There has to be a catch. A...a trick. I do not trust your plan. Ed: Well I think it's a very good plan. C'mon, time's running out. Escrow's closing. Shaheen Parvici: Did Jack Caper tell you that? Ed: Yes, that's right. I'm Jack's son. Shaheen Parvici: His son! Ed: Illegitimate, but some day it'll all be mine. You and I might be doing business, going out to lunch...all right, OK fine, I'm, I'll tell you the truth. Diana's CIA, I'm On Her Majesty's Secret Service, we've got the place surrounded...I'm really from Immigration, we thought you might have some illegal aliens working around here. Shaheen Parvici: What are you playing at? Ed: I apologize, I've been lying. I'm actually the chairman of the Committee to Reelect the President. I was hoping for a substantial contribution. Shaheen Parvici: You are mad. Ed: Now you don't know what to believe, do you?