Kirby:
I always thought we'd be friends forever.
Kevin:
Yeah, well forever got a lot shorter all of a sudden.
Wendy:
We're really worried about this affair with your boss.
Jules:
I don't know why you're both so worried... So, I bop him for a couple of years, get his job when he gets his hands caught in the vault, do a black mink ad, retire in utter disgrace, then write a best seller and be a fabulous host on my own talk show...
Alec:
You're being arrested for drunk driving.
Billy:
Drunk definitely, I don't know if you could call it driving.
Billy:
The wet look is in, asshole.
Alec:
That's Mr. Asshole to you.
Jules:
Don't you enjoy anything anymore... like girls?
Kevin:
I enjoy being afraid of Russia. It's a harmless fear, but it makes America feel better, Russia gets an inflated sense of national worth from our paranoia. How's that?
Kevin:
How come you never ask me if I want a date?
Naomi:
I thought you were gay!
Billy:
Jules, y'know, honey... this isn't real. You know what it is? It's St. Elmo's Fire. Electric flashes of light that appear in dark skies out of nowhere. Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them... there was no fire. There wasn't even a St. Elmo. They made it up. They made it up because they thought they needed it to keep them going when times got tough, just like you're making up all of this. We're all going through this. It's our time at the edge.
Leslie:
Men... Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.
Alec:
You walked out on this relationship.
Leslie:
I didn't walk out. You walked out.
Alec:
You fucked Kevin!
Leslie:
You fucked many!
Alec:
Nameless, faceless many.
Leslie:
Thank you. I feel much better now.
Dale:
Kirby! How are you?
Kirby:
I'm obsessed thank you very much.
Kirby:
Fluff and fold, buddy. Soon as I make it really big, I'm going fluff and fold.
Kirby:
It's true love, my friend.
Kevin:
e5
Love, love, you know what love is? Love is an illusion created by lawyer types like yourself to perpetuate another illusion called marriage to create the reality of divorce and then the illusionary need for divorce lawyers.
f91
Kevin:
Marriage is a concept invented by people who were lucky to make it to 20 without being eaten by dinosaurs. Marriage is obsolete.
Alec:
Dinosaurs are obsolete. Marriage is still around.
Kevin:
You know there are more people in law school right now than there are lawyers on the entire planet? Think about that.
Kirby:
You are just pissed off and bitter because you have not had sex in... how long? What is it... a year... maybe two? Refresh my memory please, Kevin. Haven't you heard of the sexual revolution?
Kevin:
Who won, huh? Nobody. Used to be sex was the only free thing, No longer. Alimony... palimony... it's all financial. Love is an illusion.
Kirby:
It's the only illusion that counts, my friend.
Kevin:
Says who?
Kirby:
Anyone who's been in love.
Kevin:
Love sucks.
Kirby:
So does your attitude.
Kirby:
There are several quintessential moments in a man's life: losing his virginity, getting married, becoming a father, and having the right girl smile at you.
Wendy:
No diet works. The only way to lose weight in the thighs is amputation.
Jules:
I thought you were taking steps to phase out everything that wasn't working in your life.
Wendy:
That doesn't leave much.
Kevin:
You know Jules, there is the brink of insanity and then there is the abyss, which obviously you have fallen into!
Kirby:
Why do they put ice in the urinals?
Kevin:
It tastes better
Kirby:
Bah Dum bum ching.
Leslie:
Alec is becoming a Republican... and he wants to get *married!* Oh, my God!
Jules:
I always *knew* he was a Republican!
Billy:
I should have had a vasectomy at birth! Let me tell you something Al, you ever have boys, do them a favor and get them neutered straight away. If they ever knock up some little slut, they're the ones who're fucked!
[to his wife]
Billy:
Fucked for life! I hate you, you little bitch!
Billy:
So you lost your job? I've lost twenty of them since graduation. Plus a wife and kid. And, in a new development this morning, a handful of hair in the shower drain.
Leslie:
How's Howie?
Wendy:
Oh well, I wouldn't say my father's trying to bribe me, but he did offer me a Chrysler Lebaron convertible if I get engaged to Howie.
Jules:
Have you fucked him yet?
Wendy:
Jules!... God.
Jules:
7a
Listen... get the car, fuck him, and if you don't like him, break the engagement... And then you can still fuck him.
e27
Jules:
You break my heart. Then again, you break everyone's heart.
Kirby:
I understand the fold, but what's fluff?
Kevin:
Fluff's what I write for the paper.
Myra:
Where did you two meet?
Billy:
[whisperd] PRISON!
Billy:
It ain't a party till something gets broken.
Kevin:
Never trust a woman who says she isn't angry.
Kirby:
[Handing a blowtorch to Alec after Alec has dangled Kevin off the fire escape] Here you go!
Kevin:
Do NOT give that man a blow torch!