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Janine:
I thought I smelt something. Somewhere between mothballs and a joss-stick.
[after Little Mo recalls saying she felt like Cinderella on their wedding day]
Trevor:
It's nearly midnight... It was midnight was it not? When Cinderella's world fell apart?
Garry:
[trying to remember the ten commandments] Oh, I know! Thou shalt not tell porkies about thy neighbour... or pinch stuff off him including the bloke's wife.
Peggy:
If your brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your hats off.
Nick Cotton:
I thank you all, from the heart of my bottom.
Alan:
You don't wanna go upsetting the Mitchells, they have long memories.
Phil:
I call you an OBG. An oldie but a goodie.
Sharon:
[Sharon is looking for Phil in the Vic to confront him about Dennis being beaten up the day before] Phil?
Phil:
You lookin' for me?
Sharon:
Get up. Or are you too yellow to fight a woman today?
Phil:
You wanna watch your mouth.
Sharon:
Or what? You'll send the heavies round like you did yesterday to Dennis?
Phil:
I dunno what you're talking about.
Sharon:
That ain't worthy of ya, Phil.
Phil:
Sharon, do me a favour. Go home. I got no argument with you.
Sharon:
Oh, I think you have. Beating up my brother, that's one thing. But you didn't even have the guts to do it yourself! What's the matter, Phil? Too scared to get your hands dirty?
Phil:
I'm scared of *no-one*.
Zoe:
My sister is my mum. My Dad is my granddad and my uncle, and my uncle is my dad.
Tony:
Honestly, Si, you don't know whether you're Arthur or Martha!
Trevor:
[just before the room blows up] So we live to fight another day.
[Pauline is fighting to raise Sonia's daughter]
Sonia:
*You* want to bring up Chloe? You couldn't bring up phlegm!
Janine:
[about Barry who died in a fall] If only his heart wasn't so full of love! If only he wasn't such a romantic! If only he'd worn slip-on shoes!
Dot:
Luke, Chapter 4, Verse Physician heal thyself.
Zoe:
Zoe, Chapter 1, shut your cakehole
Dot:
How rude...
Zoe:
This ain't the Sound of Music, he's not going to marry you.
[When big Mo was 'Miss Whiplash', Little Mo answers the phone]
Little Mo:
You've been a naughty boy?... What did you do?... Oh I'm sure you didn't mean to, you sound ever so sorry.
Belinda:
I hope they take plastic
Kat:
Why? You gonna getcha boobs out?
Nana Moon:
Alfie, I've decided I want to get cremated.
Alfie:
Come on then, get your coat.
Kat:
Belle, you want anything?... Pancakes and maple syrup?
Belinda:
Want?
Lynne:
Sort your hair out you dozy cow.
Kat:
I had a great-aunt once, she spent 50 years on the throne.
[Talking to Charlie about Kat]
Mo:
She's got a loud mouth and a foul temper. I dunno where she gets it from.
Kat:
Coq A Vin... I thought that was sex in a Lorry.
Peggy:
Oh, shut up you peroxide old bag!
Pauline:
Oh, yeah? What's this, then - strawberry blonde at seventy, that's "real" is it?
Peggy:
Shut up! I'm *not* seventy!
Pauline:
No, but you look it!
[handing Angie Watts their divorce papers on Christmas Day]
Den Watts:
Happy Christmas, Ange!
Ian Beale:
[after Minty asks him about advice on weddings] Yes I've had three wives. One cheated on me, one Didn't make it past reception, and one shot me. What would you like to know?
Charlie:
[threatening to drop a car on Garry after suspecting him of cheating on Lynne] Right! You're Pizza!
Danny:
[to Dennis after he punched Jake in the Square] The next time you touch my brother, you won't be servin' spirits, you'll *be* one!
Jamie:
[about to have sex] Shouldn't we... take precautions?
Janine:
You mean lock the door?
Sharon:
I was a bit short with Pauline, bit her head off.
Dennis:
She'll grow a new one!
Chrissie:
[to Den, buried underneath the floor in her basement] You'd be so proud of me, you know that, darling? I'm really starting to sort those girls out. I'm starting to enjoy it. And do you know what the irony is? The only person, who could appreciate what I'm doing - is you.
Johnny:
[catching her flirting with a stranger] Tina, what the *hell's* the matter with you?
Tina:
What?
Johnny:
You're 40, not 14!
[repeated line]
Dot:
Ooh, I say!
Dennis:
[Phil and Dennis are fighting in the Arches] Come on, Mitchell. Let's 'ave it!
Phil:
You want some, do ya, eh?
[shouts]
Phil:
You want some?
Jim:
[Den's coffin is struggling to go through the doors of the Vic] You should have lent them your doorstop, Pauline.
Lucy:
[about Ian and Jane] So do you think they've gone all the way?
Stacey:
I think they've gone all the way, turned round and come back again!
Chrissie:
[throwing a bowl of roast potatoes at Sharon, Dennis and Den] For once in your selfish little lives could you at least wait until *after* dinner?
Andy:
We are going to be clinically obese.
Sam:
Yeah, but you'll still love me when I'm fat, won't you?
Andy:
No.
Stacey:
The two birds that run the pub, they're right up themselves. The bird in the caf she's a bit up herself but not too bad. Yolande in the shop, she's up herself. She's all right sometimes. Pauline in the launderette, she's a right old dragon and she's up herself. The other one just goes on about God all day. My Nan's a battleaxe. My cousin Mo's all right but my cousin Zo? wait till you get a load of her. She's so far up herself she's coming back out again!
Ruby:
Do you ever say anything nice about anyone?
Frank Butcher:
You're a wave short of an ocean, aint ya?
Frank Butcher:
What do ya take me for? Some kind of ice cream?
Frank Butcher:
What do you take me for? Some kind of Donut?
Frank Butcher:
What do you take me for? Some kind of Pilchard?
Frank Butcher:
I'll tell you what, pal, you talk to me like that again and you're gonna get a dry slap.
Nick:
'Ello, Phil, your hair looks different.
Phil:
So will your teeth if you don't keep your mouth shut.
Ethel Skinner:
[referring to punk Mary] You know what the bible said, "Help thy neighbour".
Dot Cotton:
But it didn't say, "Help thy common slut that won't help thyself."
Den Watts:
[on seeing a miserable-looking Pauline] They cancelled public hangings or something?
Alfie:
You know what they say, darlin', the course of true love never runs smooth.
Kat:
I don't want smooth, just something that's less like roller-blading down the Himalayas with a rocket up me backside.
Pat:
[referring to Barry's passport that Janine threw in the trash after Barry died] What you doin' throwing this out?
Janine:
Well, he's not going to need it where he is now, is he?
Janine:
[talking to police officers about the night she and Laura had a fight] I'm not sure, she just came at me shouting things for God knows what reason. She was pretty drunk.
Two Police Officers:
What about you, were you drinking?
Janine:
No, I never drink.
Kat:
[complaining about olives in her drink] These grapes are 'orrible!
Dr. Anthony Trueman:
They're olives!
Kat:
Tell 'er she can 'ave 'em back then!
Trevor:
[caught in the fire at the Slaters'] I cannae see straight!
Den Watts:
[after Ian punches him for sleeping with Kate] I always said to Pete your boxing lessons were useless!
Garry:
[flirting with Sharon at the Vic's Halloween party] Those apples ain't the only things bobbing, Shazza!
Peggy:
Get outta ma pub!
Sam:
I want The Vic. Not half of it - all of it - else I'll tell Zoe... everything.
Chrissie:
Over my dead body - now get *out* of my pub, Sam!
[grabs her and flings her out into the street]
Chrissie:
Oh, and by the way - you're fired!
Pat:
[Trying to prevent Janine's marriage to an elderly Jewish man using an assumed name] That's not Judith Bernstein, that's Janine Butcher - I should know, she's my stepdaughter... and she's about as Jewish as a bacon sandwich!
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